Archive - Marriage and Relationships RSS Feed

Waymaker

20120319-222413.jpg

People much younger than me might not even know what I’m talking about, but I remember when it wasn’t uncommon for people to have a CB in their personal vehicle (as in truck driver CB – communication device. My dad was the coolest CB dad I knew because he would talk to the truck drivers and they would work together to make their way down the busy highways of oblivious people who tend to block the way… Thus my dads call sign, or “handle”, was Waymaker. He drove a 1978 Chevy very similar to the one in the picture above.

If only I had a CB now it might make driving more fun. Truckers are still communicating with us. When you let them change lanes to pass a slow mover they flash their lights to say “thanks”. When you get up close behind them to catch a draft for a little while they might do the same light flashing but in that case it means “back off this isn’t safe” (yes I’ve done that in the past to save gas and it works but isn’t safe and truckers don’t tend to allow it unless you’re CB friends and I don’t have a CB).

I can’t help but think of how much fun my dad had actually talking to the truck drivers and working with them to get through traffic faster. It makes me think of how much more fun we have as married couples when we actually talk to each other and work through life’s obstacles faster, not merely co-existing on life’s highway and flashing lights back and forth because we’re in the same lane, really talking and enjoying the journey we’re sharing.

Got a Will?

It is alarming the number of married couples who do not have a written will. This shouldn’t be the case. A written will is too important and too easy to get to not have it.

Why Your Will Is Important

This is going to sound like a life insurance sales pitch, but I don’t care. “God forbid something should happen to you, your spouse or both at the same time…”

  • A written will makes it clear what your wishes are for the care of your children under age 18.
  • A written will makes it clear what your wishes are for your estate and can be structured to optimize the tax position for your beneficiaries.
  • A written will can include your LIVING will to make clear what your wishes are if you become physically unable to make important decisions.
  • A written will is the only document that holds up legally to make these critical decisions after we die.
  • Why Your Will Is Easy To Get

  • Stores like Office Depot or Staples sell kits or softwares that are affordable and simple to use to create a will.
  • Good attorneys do wills for affordable fees (more costly than the do-it-yourself options, but worth it in my opinion)
  • A piece of crumbled up paper with handwriting and a notary seal is better than nothing and would likely be honored in a court of law.
  • Do These Things To Make It Official

  • Get two witnesses to sign it (people who are not family or close friends).
  • Name an executor (the person to administer the will and handle all the legal and financial details).
  • Get it notarized (it just makes it more valid).
  • Don’t go another day without it. GET A WILL!!!

    Your Treasure and Your Heart

    This isn’t about convincing you to give to your church. It’s not a guilt trip or a “prosperity message”. I’m not one of those guys who says “I want something FOR you not FROM you” with a smile on my face and an offering plate in my hand. For the record I fully believe in God’s design for us to be generous and his faithfulness to provide for our needs, and I happen to love churches that aren’t afraid to teach the truth from the word on the subject. Heck, I even get to speak about it myself as part of the I Was Broke. now I’m Not. team. But that isn’t what this post is about. I want to put all that completely out of your mind right now.

    What I want you to think about is how Matthew 6:21 can relate to your marriage just as it does your faith and belief in God. I’ve written on this site about working together on the finances as a couple, planning together, saving together, spending together. I’ve written about communicating and valuing the marriage covenant more than the money situation. I know it is all a lot easier said than done so I want to challenge us all with Matthew 6:21 – “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also”.

    Most times we hear that verse in a message meant to challenge us to be generous in giving back to the church, and we SHOULD do that. But are you being generous with your spouse? Are you cooperating with the plan and sticking to it? Are you compromising and sacrificing some things you want to do financially in order to allow your spouse to do some things they want to do? Are you investing time and money in dating?

    In church we hear statements like “If we looked in your checkbook it would show us where your heart is”. That’s a true statement and I hope we would see your heart for God, I do. But would we also see your heart for your spouse?

    MY Favorite Posts From 2011

    At the beginning of the year I posted the top 10 posts from 2011 based on page views. But just so you know here is a list of some of my favorites:

    - Don’t Give Up On Marriage
    - Financial Intimacy
    - Working Together Requires Diligence
    - I Didn’t Tell You Because
    - Ours, Not Mine & Yours
    - Nothing To Fight About – Part 1 & Part 2

    We Aren’t That Different

    A while back someone asked me if it is easier to control our finances (spending) because Shawna homeschools our kids and I work from home a lot. At first I didn’t realize where that question was coming from. But then I realized it was an attempt to make our situation different, or easier in their eyes, to justify a lack of discipline in their own situation.

    My initial thought was yes it is easier – Shawna doesn’t typically go out to lunch with the girls like she might at a job, and she doesn’t use a lot of gas money to get back and forth to work. I thought the same is true for me since I get to work from home a lot.

    But on second thought I realized, you know what – Shawna still spends just as much. It isn’t easy putting up with kids all day so she is always having to get them out of the house, which ends up being activities that cost money. She also does work part time so there are moments when it is more convenient to grab food on the go. All that takes driving around as much or more than the typical job working mom. So we really don’t have an advantage there.

    Even though I work from home a lot of the time I still put about 20,000 miles per year on my vehicle, most of  those are miles that are work-related (going to meet with customers etc).  Not to mention I have WAY more un-reimbursed job-related expenses than the average person.  I get to write some of those expenses off but that doesn’t mean I get it all back, and the other 12 months of the year it creates a unique cash flow challenge.

    So after thinking about that question, “is it easier for us”, my response is NO!  Just because our life circumstances are not exactly the same doesn’t mean the challenges of managing money are THAT different.  We still have to live with a plan, giving and saving and spending within our means.  Don’t let others excuse their lack of discipline based on your circumstances.

    “I don’t care about money”

    Some of the worst cases I see in coaching are those where one spouse has assumed the position of “I don’t care about money”. The fact of the matter is they do care about money but they are for some reason denying it.

    Maybe they’re naturally very frugal savers or simple-livers and as long as their basic needs are met they’re content in knowing that their spouse is taking care of the bills and whatever they want. Maybe they’re naturally the spender and as long as they’re getting what they want they’re trusting their spouse is handling the details. Either way they’re not paying attention to the details.

    Then the tough conversation happens, a conversation that should have taken place months or years sooner. The spouse who was supposed to be handling all the details made some mistakes, things spiraled out of control, and the “I don’t care” spouse has just learned their very well-being is at stake.

    It doesn’t have to be that way. Both spouses should be aware of the details by talking about and reviewing the state of their financial union at least once a month.

    Is your financial house in order? You might want to go check with your spouse – like right now.

    Why Compare?

    Have you ever heard anyone making these statements?

    • I work as hard as anyone I know.
    • I’m as good a husband/wife as anyone I know.
    • I’m as good a father/mother as anyone I know.
    • I go to church and serve as much as anyone I know.

    Do you ever catch YOURSELF making such statements?  Not out loud, I hope, but  maybe in your head.  It can be so easy to compare ourselves to everyone else around us, focusing on how we compare to others in order to justify how good we are, at least in our own mind.

    I know – things are tough at work, the pressure is on, so that’s why “I work as hard as anyone I know” becomes an inner-defense.  I know – your spouse was nagging about an expectation you’re not meeting so “I’m as good a husband/wife as anyone I know” is what you somehow want to make them realize.  Kids are so naive and don’t understand just how good a parent you are.  Surely the church staff sees how much you’re there contributing to the ministry and should thank you from stage at special events.

    My challenge to all of us today is why compare?  Why look at how our performance compares to that of others?  How does that help us be the best spouse or parent we can be?  How does that help us become closer to God and live out his purpose for our life?

    Our Money-Do-List

    A couple of weeks ago I introduced the Money-Do-List, a tool to help prioritize our list of hopes, plans, and dreams (goals) in a way that makes sense for where we are and where we want to be and what is important to each of us. When Shawna and I first started using this method our list consisted of mostly boring stuff by me and mostly fun stuff by Shawna.  All I wanted to do was pay down our debts and save.  But Shawna was tired of having no life and wanted to at least have Christmas memories and maybe a vacation.  Here’s how we used the money-do-list method to compromise (all of this list is complete now):

    Keep in mind December 2006 is when we went to Financial Learning Experience and got Financial Coaching for the first time.  Notice we did a lot of saving before we did anything else, and the saving included fun.   I wanted to get the discipline of saving started right away so that we would have margin when the unexpected happened.

    We actually tackled the debts one at a time, so for example there were multiple credit card bills and medical bills listed separately rather than just one-liners.  I’m sure I’ve forgotten some of the things that were on our list along the way, but this is a pretty good representation of how we prioritized the completion of things – making sure to complete practical things (debts & margin) as well as fun things (Christmas & vacation) along the way.

    Sometime in the near future I’ll share what’s still coming up on our list and how it is prioritized.  How are you using the money-do-list?

    Goal Priority

    It’s probably safe to say everyone has heard of the honey-do list.  For any married man who hasn’t – congratulations – you must be newlywed and under 30 yrs old.  The term “honey-do list” refers to the idea of wives having a running list of tasks for husbands to do around the house.  It comes from past eras when men were generally handy around the house and didn’t have to hire everything out.  (As Shawna and I have become more financially able I have made it a point to hire more handy-man tasks out because it’s better for my spiritual and mental health, and probably everyones physical safety).

    Most people have probably also heard about writing down financial goals, or “Hopes, Plans, & Dreams” as my friend Joe would say it because he is a man of many words.  I’ve found a challenge in my family finances and the finances of families I’ve coached.  The list of goals is long and lofty enough to take a lifetime.  Some of the items on the list are way more important than others.  Some items that are important to me are not important to Shawna, and vice versa.  How is it possible to prioritize the list and maintain peace in the financial house?

    Introducing the first ever tool on this website, the Money-Do List.

    Let me know what you think about this tool.  In the coming days/weeks I plan to show you how Shawna and I have used this approach to determine what order we would use to prioritize the things we’ve been accomplishing for the last several years.

    You Should Be Listening To…

    Life is good.  You’re so blessed, more than you deserve.  The two of you CAN work together.  If you hadn’t married them you wouldn’t get to experience the power of working together to accomplish your goals and dreams TOGETHER.  You two do such a great job communicating about money and caring for each others wants and needs as much as your own.  

    You must be so happy and proud to have such a great spouse.  Who cares what your family and friends think.  They’re not the ones committed to being with you for richer or poorer.  Any decision you make isn’t going to affect them nearly as badly as it will affect you, so you’re wisely choosing to make your relationship work.  

    Work hard now to get your financial relationship in order so you can enjoy the rest of your life together.  It’s completely worth the effort and sacrifice.

    …the voice of hope and encouragement. 

    Page 1 of 1212345»10...Last »
    SEO Powered By SEOPressor