Life Is Too Short

Life is too short for lots of things, and lately I’m overwhelmed with that reality.  There’s always something worse to imagine going through than what we’re currently experiencing, and those thoughts might help us cope, but when we’re going through anything tough it can be a harsh reminder to do more…living.

March 26th is normally a wonderful day of celebration for my wife’s, Shawna, birthday.  But this March 26th will forever be marked as the date we lost a very close loved one – our brother (in-law), David Butts.  We are crushed with devastation, and our hearts ache deeply for our sister, Lenae, and their three boys, Gauge, Gavin, & Garen.  No matter how hard we try to love on them and no matter how bad we want to ease their pain, there is nothing we can do to bring David back or replace his love and relationship in their lives.

So many thoughts cross our minds as we think back on our time with David.  We should have ____ more.  The list of things to fill that blank with is endless, and the list of people we could try to fill the blank with is endless.  But life is also too short to try filling that blank with too many things, and it is definitely too short for trying to fill that blank with the wrong people.

As I reflected on that life truth in the days following David’s passing, I thought and prayed that I would live life to the fullest, that I would pursue God’s plan for me – for every relationship, moment, decision.  I live with the attitude that there is always room for improvement, for becoming – whatever we’re becoming.  (I even eluded to that in my talk at David’s memorial service because I believe David was living that way too, whether he knew it or not.)

One area of life I’ve struggled with for years is career.  I’ve known for quite some time that something needs to change.  I’ve felt a calling to something more.  I’ve had opportunities to do things that have helped me develop many skills and qualities.  But I’ve failed to make any significant changes in career path – mostly due to fear of financial failure.  Having these thoughts after our devastating loss I became full of determination to make my existing path look brighter or find another path,  I literally put on my to-do list, “plan talking points for (boss name) – something has to change”.

Before I even got a chance to schedule that conversation, and only a week after the devastating phone call about David’s death, I received another devastating phone call.  It was the boss letting me know that his company, that I’ve loyally served for 11 years, is going out of business.  This came as a complete shock to me because as far as I knew everything was going ok – not great but better than average so far this year for me and for the company too, so I thought.  It doesn’t matter though – the company is closing regardless of the reason, and I am left looking for a job.

Timing can seem crazy, but I believe it’s God’s plan.  Losing my job 8 days earlier might have freaked me out, but that perspective is different when receiving the news on the heals of losing a brother.  Don’t get me wrong – it sucks.  It’s like being kicked while you’re down, but I keep it in perspective by reminding myself it is nothing compared to living in a country where real threats exist – like lions or drug lords.

Apparently, God’s plan is not to stay on the path I was on or to try and fix something that was obviously broken – more than I even realized.  The question now is what exactly is the plan.  I’m completely open and willing to do anything.  Of course, there are certain things that might make more sense than other things but since when did everything God plans for us make sense to us?  No – I’m not limiting my options only to what makes sense.

I’m talking to anyone and everyone.  I’m open to anything.  It’s not all about how much money I can make, but I don’t want to be taken advantage of either.  It’s not all about working for the best company, but I don’t want to be with a losing organization either.  When it’s all said and done I want to be somewhere I feel challenged to continue growing personally, somewhere that wants more out of my qualities than the dollars I can produce, somewhere the people are valued, respected, and trusted, somewhere relationships are genuine and professional, and somewhere family and friends relationships are valued and encouraged.

When I say I’m talking to anyone, I do mean anyone.  I could do pretty much anything.  I’ve done corporate, small business, and ministry work.  I’ve worked in manufacturing process and supply chain management.  I’ve done print industry sales and account management.  I’ve taught and done public speaking.  I’ve overseen web projects, social presence, and other marketing.  I’ve done writing projects.  I’ve lead and managed and participated in team building.  I’ve done finances, forecasting, and strategy.  I love learning, and I love to be challenged.

So, I’m not limiting myself to one particular industry or ministry.  I’m looking for professional challenge, personal growth, and great relationships.  If there’s one thing I have learned from my brother David, it is that life is too short for anything less than…living.

Everyone Is a Leader

In basically every corner of culture there’s talk of ‘leadership’ this and ‘leader’ that, which can be a good or bad thing depending on the context, motives, and attitude.  I think I’ve hinted around my thoughts about ‘leadership’ on here before, but in this post I want to make one thing perfectly clear.  EVERYONE is a leader.

We’ve all heard some form of the phrase “the life he/she is leading”.  There you go – we’re all LEADING a life.  In my opinion the greatest authority on the subject of leadership is John C. Maxwell.  He says that the most difficult person to lead is yourself.  That principle makes all of us a leader of at least one – self.

The greatest lesson my parents taught me about leadership is “lead by example”.  They took every opportunity they got to tell me, “remember who you are”, and, “lead by example”.  I always took that from them to mean, “follow God’s word and be who he’s prompting you to be; and follow the example we’ve set for you, and set that example for others no matter what others are doing”.   My parents aren’t perfect, but they’re darn good people.  I feel the same way about my wife’s parents.  Of course we have our differences from our parents, but generally speaking they are some amazing examples to follow.

If you’re a terrible leader of yourself it doesn’t matter what your position is, who you know, who else is following you, what you know, or what you’re doing.  People might be following what you’re doing regardless of whether or not they truly know you, but your leadership is limited to how much people trust that the image you portray is truly the example you live for those who do really know you.  I pray every single day for wisdom and discernment with that trust, and that I steward well any trust others have in me.

Everyone has a self to lead, and how well we lead that self is the greatest indicator of our strength (aka character) as a leader (aka person).  Are you an example worth following?

 

Standing Up to Bullies

It seems bullying is getting a lot of attention these days. We’ve experienced it a little with our kids. The whole idea of bullying wasn’t getting so much attention wayyy back when I was a youngster, but it’s not like bullying is a new thing.

I think the biggest problem is kids aren’t being taught to stand up for what is right. We’re teaching our kids tolerance of everything and then wondering why no one stands up to the bullies of the world. We model for our kids an unwillingness to stand up for ourselves or someone else because of the fear of what our actions might cost us.

The root of this problem, and many other problems in life, is selfishness. The bully is a selfish person, obviously, and I don’t want to get in to all the possible reasons why.  The bottom line is bullies, and lots of other types of narcissist behaviors, all boil down to being selfish.

But isn’t it just as selfish to be aware of bullying and fail to address it? The right thing to do would be to try and stop the bullying. But we’re more concerned about what doing the right thing might cost us than we are about doing the right thing. We’re willing to sacrifice a lifetime of building the character and integrity it takes to do the right thing more than we are willing to sacrifice whatever temporary consequences another person can inflict upon us. This self-preserving mentality is passed on to our kids and they either get bullied or ignore someone else getting bullied, so bullying continues.

There’s a saying, “Nice guys finish last”, and I believe the reason that proves true is because there aren’t enough generally good and nice people willing to stand up for what is right and get back up when a bully knocks them down. What do we have to be afraid of? I’d rather die a torturous death and still have some character and integrity intact than watch bullies beat everyone down my whole life and do nothing about it.

I hope I’m teaching my kids to do what is right no matter the cost.

Keeping It Real Update

Quite some time ago I promised to keep it real on here, and I think I’ve done so to some extent, but it’s time for a big time transparent update because I believe that’s what God wants me to do right now.

If you’ve read our story (either in previous posts on this blog or in the e-book) then you know what my biggest struggle has been for quite some time – I live pretty anxious about finances.  Crazy I know – coming from a guy who has been unbelievably blessed and helps other people get on track.  But none of that means I am perfect or don’t experience setbacks that challenge my faith.

I could write a 5000 word report about all the reasons I’m feeling more pressure right now (business is wildly unpredictable, etc).  But there’s really no good point to make there – that’s life.  The lesson I’m learning (or being reminded of) is, that regardless of how bad financial circumstances get, God is still good and He will provide.  Being overly-stressed about things doesn’t change that, and trying to carry that burden on my own takes away from the glory God gets when we keep our faith in Him.

So I’ve been surrendering all this to God and sharing it with others every chance I get.  The money situation is tighter than it’s been in years and it does stress me out.  At times I believe it is a spiritual attack trying to prevent us from fulfilling a giving commitment we felt lead to make.  Just as there’s a God that loves us there’s an enemy that wants to destroy us.

Regardless of why things aren’t easy right now, my family and I will steward what we’ve been blessed with and keep our commitments.  Whatever the results, we’re keeping our focus on God and our faith in His promises.  So pray for us please.

An Exciting New adVenture

From the time I was in college I’ve dreamed of owning business, and I actually have in various ways – from the mobile car detailing business I did for a couple of years to network marketing programs to consulting, speaking, and project managing as an outside contractor for other businesses (even my sales job is essentially a business of it’s own).  So I am very excited about the newest venture.

Introducing Impact Sport Events, LLC.  Created to make active lifestyle normal and fun for families – Impact Sport Events exists to provide family friendly and fun opportunities to be physically active.  Our core values are centered around faith, family, community, fitness, and fun.  Part of our excitement is also for the opportunity to support RiceBowls.org with portions of our proceeds.

Shamrock-Shuffle-3-14-15The first event we’re directing is the Shamrock Shuffle at Hartwell Dam in Hartwell, GA on March 14, 2015 – a 5k and 1mi Family Fun Run.  It will be a great day to get out and be active, and it will be an honor to have as many of our family and friends there as possible.  So if you can be there please consider coming out and joining in the fun.  Click here to register!

The Mark Driscoll Situation – An Accountability Reminder

The official news is out – Mark Driscoll has resigned from being lead pastor at Mars Hill Church.  SHOCKER!  Who didn’t see that coming from 6 weeks of leave away?  I’m about to weigh in on this because I feel I’ve kept my thoughts to myself for too long about this church stuff.  I want to start by making it perfectly clear that my main motivation is seeing God and His kingdom lifted up, but you’ll have to hear me out.  I also want to make it very clear that I have no power to gain, no agenda to advance, and I find it very ironic when I hear statements that label anyone willing to speak up as “power hungry” or otherwise unworthy of voicing a concern.  Keep reading and that might make more sense too.

As a brother in Christ, a very gifted communicator, and a brilliant mind – I love Mark Driscoll.  I don’t know him personally, but what I do know of him I really do love.  When he was at our home church my wife and I attended a marriage conference Mark and his wife conducted.  We read the book and loved it.  But that’s about as far as that love can go – what we’ve seen and read from a distance.  (I truly do pray the best is yet to come for Mark Driscoll).

Too many people in church today are too infatuated with stage personalities while too many pastors are shielding themselves from criticism to the point that they’ve surrounded themselves by cowards and conditioned them to be “yes” men.  Trust me – I know all about why some protection from criticism is necessary, but going to the other extreme leads to situations like Mark Driscoll is in right now.

“Church People” – that’s what the “new” churches call guys like me that have been around church our entire life, at the “old” or “traditional” churches.  I attend a “new” church – it’s great.  But by some stereotype I’m sure I fall in the bucket of “church people” used with negative connotation from time to time.  Call us what you want – there’s something we’ve learned along the way – people suck!  Faith in man sucks.  Trust is earned through personal relationship, but when personal relationships are cut off and people of influence aren’t kept in check bad stuff happens.

Not all “church people” are power hungry narcissists that expect pastors and staff to bend to their every demand or else…  Some of us just truly care about what’s best for the kingdom and know that people get in the way of what’s best all the time.  When we “church people” see red flags sometimes it’s for good reason.

A while back when I read the facts about what was going on with Mark Driscoll I was shocked, but I knew then that resignation was bound to happen.  So now that the resignation is reality – I’m not shocked at all.  Am I saddened by it – definitely.  But shocked by it – not at all.  As preachers kids my wife and I (and our siblings) have been subjected to more church crap than most people can imagine.  We can honestly say that for every pastor you hear about being “done wrong” there is at least one bad pastor that is still getting away with doing wrong.

Am I saying that pastors are supposed to be perfect?  Not at all.  None of us are perfect.  We’re going to make mistakes.  In fact – I think preachers are at their best when they are transparent enough to be real about areas where they are imperfect.  I know I’m most challenged to step up my walk with God when the preacher is genuinely real about their own struggles.

I don’t expect pastors, church staff, board members, or whatever to be perfect.  Being imperfect is not the problem I’m getting at with this post.  The problem is the arrogance to act in a way that makes it ok to stay not ok.  The saying I’ve heard says, “It’s ok to not be ok, but it’s not ok to stay that way.”  When imperfect people are given the power to surround themselves with worshipers and ignore questioners they are setting up to make it ok to stay not ok when there might really be something imperfect that needs to change.

If there’s no selfish motive to what I’m saying then it must be that I’m just a judgmental person.  Valid challenge.  (I, unlike other narcissists I know, am willing to accept challenging questions and perspectives.)  It really isn’t my place to judge, but I’ll tell you who my flesh wants to cast judgement on in this situation.  If I were a member, or “owner” as my home church puts it, I’d be questioning the leaders that were around Mark Driscoll as much or more so than I’d be questioning Mark Driscoll.  In my opinion those people are just as responsible for the damage being done to the kingdom right now.  So far though I haven’t heard or read anything that questions those guys.

Exactly how do I hold those guys responsible?  They were put in a position, by God, to make a choice when it would have been a tough choice to make.  When Mark Driscoll was having his worst moments they were in the position to call him out, take action, stand up for what was right – and they didn’t.  They let it slide, took little or no action (weak), and covered their butts – probably out of fear.  Am I saying they are ultimately responsible for Mark’s actions?  No.  But I’d say it is arguable that they are responsible for letting it reach epic proportions.

Despite my belief that the fault for the situation should be shared, I have little sympathy for anyone involved in the leadership at Mars Hill because they are missing an opportunity to model humility to the church body.  Parts of the resignation letter from Mark Driscoll might as well say, “I haven’t done anything THAT wrong, but I’ll leave anyway.”  It almost cracks me up – the classic narcissism in the well-worded but hardly humble tone.  I wonder how many revisions they had to do to avoid “sounding guilty” or actually admitting that he HAD to resign – as in he was forced out.  I don’t know if that is a fact, but this case wreaks of that being the real truth.  There is even reference to the things (minor things of course) confessed in the past.  But a little research on what those minor things were proves pretty alarming.

This is all very sad to me, and I’m no one to judge, and we’re all imperfect, and we all should forgive each other and accept forgiveness for ourselves.  But what I don’t see anywhere in anything I’ve read about the Mark Driscoll case is an acknowledgment that there are consequences for actions and behaviors.  It does not matter how long ago something happened or whether it was confessed and repented.  There are consequences for poor choices and bad behaviors, and the thing about consequences is we don’t always know when they’re going to happen.  I don’t know all the details and don’t need to know, but I hope Mark doesn’t completely miss the opportunity to accept the current circumstances as appropriate consequences he had coming for the bad choices he admittedly made.  And I truly do pray the best is yet to come for him.

Let this whole scenario be a strong reminder to us all that it is not unreasonable for us to question one another, even “leaders”, in loving yet challenging accountability.  Anytime I hear statements that communicate disdain for people who might have legitimate questions I have red flags waving and my mind is wondering – what is being hidden.  It is not unreasonable for church members, much less “owners” who have responsibilities, to expect transparency from the leadership.  It is not unreasonable to want some sort of evidence that there aren’t potentially destructive issues being covered up behind the scenes.

Whether we’re on the stage or in the congregation – we’re all imperfect.  But if Christ is in us His spirit and wisdom is with us – ALL of us.  No one, not even those on stage, should ever prevent us from listening to that voice inside that wants us to speak up.  Because we never know when our speaking up might be God using us to build and strengthen His army.

REAL Leadership – Less Talk & More Action

One of the most difficult things for me to talk about is ‘leadership’ because I am of the belief that the subject gets way more attention than necessary and unfortunately does as much harm as good in some environments.  I won’t get in to all of what that means in this post, but I do want to point out one example that has always seemed a little off – in my opinion.

There’s a school of thought out there that goes something like this, “If you’re leading the way toward a vision and look back to find no one is following then you’re not leading anything you’re just out for a walk.”  On the one hand I understand the context of this thinking – many missions require the buy-in of others to support and carry out the vision and people leading the charge need to be challenged to carry the torch in a way that inspires others to ‘follow’- etc.  On the other hand, I can’t stand how this gets taken out of context and used to look down on truly quality people of influence (which is what leadership is really about – influence) just because they don’t have a bunch of implied “followers” on an org chart.

Stop taking individual principles out of context!  John Maxwell, probably the truest and most accomplished expert on being a person worthy of trusted influence (leadership), teaches in one of his many best-selling books, The 360 Degree Leader, that anyone can be a valuable person of influence from any position in any organization or place in life.  Leadership is not all about hierarchy or popularity.  It’s not about control or manipulation.  Being a ‘leader’ doesn’t mean you have to look back and see a bunch of ring kissers to look down on.

Real leaders don’t have to talk about leadership so much – they just do what they do and if others are along for the ride it’s probably because they were served by the “leader” first.  So next time someone feels compelled to make statements about GOOD leadership being anything other than healthy influence and trust, please keep it to yourself.  Most of us would much rather everyone just shut up and serve!

The Conflict of Cause

When two or more people share a common cause one of the most difficult conflicts is working through periods of doubt or frustration.  We’ve all had, or will at some point have, our share of doubts in someone or something we once completely supported without question.  The question is whether or not we’re willing to question the conflict or the cause.

The doubts stem from relevant fears and concerns about thought processes, motivations, methodology, theology, etc.  None of us do everything perfect – we ALL make mistakes. We are human – immature, selfish, and prideful. We let secondary necessities overshadow primary objectives. We say and do some of the stupidest things, often hurting one another – regardless of our heart or intention.

Any healthy environment will allow for valid questioning that both challenge and encourage growth. But often valid questions are silenced with overbearing disdain or dismissal that inevitably leads to more doubt and more questions. Instead of embracing awkward conversations and fighting through messy situations, we become disunified to the point of reckless abandon.

Everyone is growing in different ways and at different rates of progress. When we see things differently than those around us, the choice we have to make is usually not whether or not we still share a cause. The choice is whether or not we’re willing to wait long enough to see our points of view realign and see the cause through, or whether or not the cause needs to be pursued through other avenues.

Learning to Allow Faith to Overcome Fear

What I’m about to share is a confession from the heart and very serious so I hope if you’re reading this you know me or get to know me well enough to understand.  I’ve been living in fear for a long time, but not just any fear – and I’ve never opened my eyes to it or been willing to admit it.  There aren’t many things that make me afraid.  If you’ve ever ridden in an automobile with me you probably know the risk of death barely makes me flinch.  So what I’m about to describe is a type of fear most men won’t talk about but I believe many of us share on some level. 

For quite some time I thought my biggest fear was the fear of failure, particularly financial failure.  I don’t want to fail as a husband, father, or friend, but I know what it feels like to be flat broke and I don’t ever want to go back.  So I REALLY fear failing financially, but when I think about it that is really silly.  I’m not REALLY afraid of being broke because I’ve been there and done that and it wasn’t so bad I couldn’t bear it.  Don’t get me wrong – I will go to great length to avoid going broke ever again, but God brought us through it once and he could do it again.  God provided for our basic needs when we were about to lose everything.  I have no reason to fear being broke.

The past couple of years I’ve realized what I’ve really feared more is not financial failure.  What I’ve been so afraid of is other people, and I’m realizing it is an easy trap for me to fall in to.  It’s the fear of what others will think of me if I fail – by going broke or anything else.  I don’t want others to know that I fail at being a perfect husband, father, friend, and business man – so I try to hide my weakness.  I don’t want others to use and abuse my weaknesses, so I fearfully distrust.  I don’t want to lose favor in the eyes of those with the power to hurt me or my family, so I refrain.  Fear of going broke is just another symptom of the greater fear – what will people think if I do go broke again (as if anyone has complete control of every circumstance that could lead to going broke).  

On the one hand I know it’s narcissistic for me to care what others think, and on the other hand I know it’s legitimate fear and worry for my family that depends on me.  It’s a fear that stems from both pride and humility where faith is constantly tested.  I’ve learned that this fear I have is the worst type there is – the fear of man.  It’s a fear of people’s judgement and what choices they can make that affect my family.  It’s a fear that is affirmed when nightmares become reality, or denied when dreams come true. 

Fear does nothing to prevent being judged when we fail, and it does nothing to protect from those who impose their will on others.  Fear is a self-preserving weakness.  Self-preservation is completely counterproductive when it comes to keeping healthy relational balance, because where self-preservation trumps constructive conversation something is out of balance and ultimately everyone suffers.

We must look fear in the eye and defeat it by denying it a place in our mind and emotions.  There’s no room for fear in a healthy relational perspective.  There’s no room for fear in order to move forward.  There’s no room for fear and faith at the same time.  I’m learning to allow faith to overcome fear.  It’s a daily struggle and I appreciate prayers. 

Reflective Refining

Everyone goes through periods of time where they just need to step back, evaluate where they’ve come and where they’re going, and make adjustments. Often it takes just a moment. Sometimes it takes a few days. At least a few times in life it takes a few months or more depending on the circumstances. In recent months I’ve had one of those periods of time that has required lots of reflection. There were some welcome distractions from everything on my mind during this time, but I think I’m ready to get on with what I believe God wants me to do.

It’s always interesting for me to look back on experiences I’ve had to gain wisdom and understanding about how circumstances and relationships come and go and change along the way, and how all that influences my life in various ways – how it’s all connected. Some things are good and some are not so good, but we can at least have the peace of knowing that all things are according to God’s plan.

Through it all we have to choose how we’re going to respond to all circumstances and relationships that come our way – both the good and the not so good. Sometimes faith is humbly seizing the moment when things are going well and sometimes it’s humbly getting back up when things don’t go how we hoped they would.

Refusing to learn and change will make us repeat the same mistakes over and over but embracing change and learning from difficult seasons in life can open our future to new and better opportunities. How we refine our responses to life is part of God’s plan for our journey. As they always say at my church – the best is yet to come.