Just a few more posts about the Five Love Languages. This one is a reminder that falling “in love” is an experience that doesn’t last forever and after that love is a choice.
We are creatures of choice. Therefore we have the capacity to make good or bad ones. Some marriages on the brink of divorce can be rescued by simply making the choice to love. Love can’t erase the past, but it can make the future brighter.
Meeting your spouse’s need for love is a choice. I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t agree with that statement – unless they are still having the “in love” experience. I’m not afraid to admit it and I know Shawna wouldn’t hesitate to tell you – love is a choice. The good thing is that almost never do both individuals in a relationship fall in or out of love on the same day, so if you choose to love on all the days you don’t feel in or out of love then one of you should always fel loved and you both should be able to make it together… Just think about that one for a minute, but if it’s too confusing read the book to clear it up – chapter ten.
What if the love language of your spouse is something that doesn’t come naturally to you? Get over it! Or should I say GET OVER YOURSELF! Really think about this. If somehting doesn’t come naturally to you but you do it anyway it is an even greater expression of love. Love is something you do for someone else, not for yourself.
If we didn’t do anything that doesn’t come “naturally” to us many of us would never even get out of bed in the morning. But we do get out of bed don’t we? Cause there is something worthwhile to do – like work to earn money. By the end of the day we’re glad we got up (at least most of the time). This is an example of action preceding emotion. Long lasting love is no different – you have to do it by choice before you realize the positive emotional reward.
Changing gears now… I know some guys that if they read this might be thinking “Does all this love stuff really matter as much as you’re making it out too?” You better believe it! All of us need security, self-worth, and significance. Love is a common contributor to all of those needs.
When you feel loved by someone there is a sense of security that they don’t mean you any harm. When you feel loved by someone your self-worth is increased because you feel you must be worth loving. When you feel loved by someone it makes you feel significant, and you are freed to develop your potential.
No, love is not the answer to everything. But it does make a difference. It makes it possible for you to get past your differences and live in harmony bringing out the best in each other. Love really does “make the world go round”.
Now we’ve talked about what all the 5LL are, how to identify yours and your spouses, the fact that you have to choose to do it and why it matters so much, but what if your relationship sucks so bad you hate each other? If you ever loved in the first place you’ll try Gary Chapman’s experiment that I’ll talk about in the next post.
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