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Don’t You Know What Causes That?

If you’re a man and you’ve ever had a pregnant wife you’ve had someone ask you this question. Well we’re on pregnancy number four now (that’s right – cause one of them was a miscarriage) and people are still asking me “Don’t you know what causes that”. That’s supposed to be funny or something so I play along. A better cliche line to say to me might be “dang – don’t you know when to quit”. But I’d like to respond with something mean or silly. Here are some of my ideas for how to respond to “Don’t you know what causes that?”:

  • “Yeah, but your momma obviously didn’t” (any response with ‘your momma’ is classic to me and this response inults the listener’s very existence because his momma didn’t know how to prevent him from being born – great comeback I think).
  • “No, but I would really like for you to tell me” (this one would be great when someone asks me that question in a large crowd of people – I would say it as serious as possible and insist on getting an explanation right there in front of everybody – but not just any explanation will do – they’re going to have to put up with me acting stupid like I don’t understand anything they’re saying and they’re going to have to find a more explicit way to make it clear to me).
  • “It seems like they taught something about it in seventh grade but I didn’t take notes” (now that’s just silly and keeps the humor about me).
  • “My parents tried to warn me about kissing and holding hands a long time ago so we’ve just been doing lots of other stuff and she still got pregnant” (my parents didn’t really say that stuff to me but I heard of other parents who told their kids stuff like that).
  • “I’m still trying to figure it out and as long as it’s still working we’re just gonna keep doing everything we’ve been doing until we pinpoint exactly what the cause is”.

I’m sure there are a lot more funny ways to respond. Share your ideas in the comments. 

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