In Friday’s post I mentioned how men looking at porn are Feeling Ashamed. There is so much going on in our minds. I’m not a professional by any means (professionals are probably too liberal on this subject anyway) but I think I can describe a small bit of what is going on.
Feeling ashamed is a combination of conviction and man-struggle. I made that word up so I guess I should explain. I’ll just say it is against our manly nature to look at porn so I’ll call it man-struggle. It isn’t natural for a man to look at porn. It is natural for a man to conquer or win (read Wild at Heart). In terms of sexual nature that means men naturally want to win a woman’s heart which will naturally lead to that sexual fulfillment we naturally desire (I’m using the word natural a lot).
Those porn women don’t have to be won for men to get sexual fulfillment, so it goes against our nature of wanting a heart to win. Everyone easily recognizes mans nature that sex is important, but we often think emotions aren’t. The truth is sex is important but not without intimate emotions. So getting a chemical high through our eyes or getting a release by masturbating is not completely fulfilling. It isn’t God’s plan so it doesn’t work. We need intimacy or there is still a void.
The fact of the matter is most of the women in the porn industry have history of abuse or neglect or other issues that factor in to their choice to be involved in porn. Don’t feel sorry for them. A lot of them hate men and do porn just because it makes them feel like they’re defeating men – which they are if we’re pathetic and weak and give in. Some men might try to justify looking at porn and make it ok because it is our “nature”, but it isn’t and they know it. I know – I’ve been down that road – trying to justify it so it doesn’t feel bad. Doesn’t work. It still feels wrong. It ain’t natural to look at porn and spank ugly (my new word for masturbate). What is natural is sexual intimacy (keyword suggesting monogamy in the context of marriage). Ain’t nothing like the real thing baby.
When men look at porn they’re taking the easy way out – like getting an easy piece so to speak. It’s lazy fulfillment because we don’t have to work for it. Should just go ahead and pay for a hooker. But no real man would be proud of that or fulfilled by it either. We can look at porn in secret and get that false fulfillment, so that’s what we do and just live with the shame.
If this is striking a nerve with anyone I want you to know you can talk to me. I’ve had some awkward conversations with some close friends and family about porn and mens weaknesses and man-struggles. It’s worth getting through the awkwardness every time. Don’t be ashamed to admit it and talk about it. You’ll feel better getting over that hurdle and starting your battle against sexual impurity.