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Throwback Post – Financial Freedom

October 14, 2013 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

It’s interesting to look back on past blog posts because in many ways it’s almost like reading a journal. Here’s one from way back when Shawna and I had just met our friends Joe & Jenn and we were just starting out on a new path in our financial journey. Ironically the title of that post is “Financial Freedom“, as though I was claiming it before it was reality. I wouldn’t necessarily say we’re financially “free”, because now I don’t really agree with what that term suggests – no one can ever be free from finances. But we can be free from financial bondage, so by that standard I have a lot to be thankful for.

Filed Under: Money, Throwback Posts

Presumed Innocent

October 11, 2013 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

Has anyone ever presumed, or judged, you based on what they may, or may not, know about you? I know what that is like – to be wrongly judged, but if I’m honest with myself I have to admit that I’ve been guilty of wrongly judged too. But there’s usually a reason that leads to such a presumption.

In relationships our tendency to presume innocent is influenced by a mix of current and historic behavior. If a person has hurt us our trust is hindered, our walls of suspicion and defense are up, and our presumption is guilt rather than innocence any time there is a question of character. If a person has worked to have a good relationship with us and build trust with us then it is much easier for us to presume innocence when thoughts of character judgement enter our mind.

The question we need to ask is not, “Who in my life do I trust enough to presume innocent?” The question we should be more concerned with is, “Who in my life would consider me a trustworthy relationship that they naturally presume innocent?” The first question is about what’s in it for us, but the second question is about what’s in it for others. When we challenge our self to be a better spouse, parent, family member, or friend it is ultimately better for everyone including our self.

Filed Under: Relationships

Conflict Among Church Leaders

October 9, 2013 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

Leading is tough. It’s not for everyone but it seems everyone wants to be a “leader”, and in church it isn’t that difficult to be given a leadership role in some form or fashion. No one wants conflict, but in order to be a leader you have to embrace it.

The problem I see in church leadership is too much criticism among leaders and terrible processes for addressing and embracing it. Leaders drift toward isolation to shield themselves from criticism until at best they’re no longer growing and at worst they’re failing miserably.

I believe a better way for church leaders to approach conflict amongst themselves is to think before speaking, and that process of thought might go something like this:

Is this thought from God or Satan? Is this matter I’m concerned about coming from the God of truth or the author of confusion – good or evil?
Is my heart about this matter pure? Am I hoping to truly help the other party or am I really just going to tear them down to gain something that somehow pleases a sinful nature?
If roles were reversed would I want this brought to me? If you were in the other person’s shoes would you want the matter or concern brought to your attention?
How should I do this? Should what you’re about to say or do be private or public. Too often church leaders are lashing back and forth publicly without any personal interaction.
Should I run this by someone else first? Is there someone I can confide in about this matter to hear from their wisdom before I say or do anything else?

The flip side of being the initiator of conflict is being the recipient. Leaders drift toward isolation by assuming criticism is a hater just hating rather than something we need to hear. When someone brings something to our attention we should run it through a thought process that might go something like this:

Is this thought from God or Satan? Is this matter something that could help strengthen my leadership or something that could hinder what I’m trying to do for God?
Does the person bringing this concern love Jesus and care about me? If they do then they will bring the concern to you properly (which is usually privately), but they shouldn’t have to be on the senior staff, board, or one of our “yes” men for us to hear their concern. Writing off a concern simply because someone doesn’t have a position or status can be a bad reason to ignore a potential problem.
Should I run this by someone else who loves Jesus and cares about me? If we are truly a leader with any amount of influence then we should have at least one other person we can confide in to discuss the concern and get an honest second opinion.

Notice the initiator list is longer than the recipient list. It would do us all a lot of good to question our initiation more than our participation when conflict arises.

Filed Under: Faith, Personal Growth

Terrible Yo Gabba Gabba Advice

October 8, 2013 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

If you’ve ever seen Yo Gabba Gabba you’re probably familiar with how they try to convince kids to try stuff with their stupid songs that say “I tried it and I liked it”. If you’re not familiar with what I’m talking about click here.

I’ll never forget when Skyler was younger. She had seen one of these dumb songs and thought about it. She later told me, “I don’t like Yo Gabba Gabba because they say ‘try it and you’ll like it’, but that just isn’t true – sometimes you just really don’t like it.” Kids are so insightful.

Teachers, pastors, info marketers, and anyone else trying to convince someone else to listen to what they have to say – all need to take note of that statement. Trying something does not mean that it will be liked. Budgeting, for example, totally sucks for most people. We all know how it helps with managing finances, but the task actually sucks. Having awkward conversations about marriage issues is not fun. We all know how it helps with improving our marriage, but the actual tasks suck. Doing strict exercise and diet sucks, but we know it makes us healthy. I could go on and on.

Everyone would be better off if we’d just be real with each other and acknowledge that some things we need to be serious about just suck and trying alone isn’t going to change it. What we need instead is accountability. This could be someone who is better at what you’re struggling with and can encourage you, or it can be someone who is going through it too and can encourage you. The key is both require the encouragement – not enablement. We don’t need any help making excuses for our poor choices. We need true accountability that challenges and encourages us to not give up when trying something isn’t enough to make us like it.

Filed Under: Money, Personal Growth

Keep It Real

October 2, 2013 by Mark Asbell 1 Comment

A couple of years ago I bought a t-shirt with the above print on it. I think this shirt is hilarious with the ghost, magic wand, zombie, unicorn, space ship, imaginary friend, and dinosaur. It’s hyperbole (I know a few big words too smart people). The reason I love this shirt so much is because some of my biggest lessons in life could have been learned sooner if I had just lived by the motto – Keep It Real.

Now this is like one of my core values – Keep It Real. I think one of the biggest failures among Christians as a whole is the unwillingness to keep it real. We act like we’ve got it all together because if we don’t then we’re looked down on by those who are likely just better actors. The problem is pride. The Bible warns about it – pride comes before the fall.

Proverbs teaches us the importance of wisdom and that we should seek it no matter the cost. To truly do that we have to swallow our pride, be willing to admit we don’t know everything and we don’t have it all together, and actually ask someone who might have the wisdom we need. I’ve learned this the hard way in major areas of life, and I’ve observed that most other people are learning things the hard way too.

Years ago I was much more transparent on this blog but along the way I became more reserved for various reasons. It’s about to get a lot more real on here again because I believe when we keep it real we keep pride down and relational value up. Who’s with me?

Filed Under: Family, Money, Personal Growth, Relationships

Tipping Well At Restaurants

September 27, 2013 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

Here are a few reasons I love tipping well at restaurants:

It blesses someone who works hard and might really need that unexpected extra.
It blesses me at least with joy and maybe even reward from God.
It honors God when I feel his prompting to do it.
All that could lead to God doing a work in the recipient, me, or anyone who hears about it.

That’s why I love this video. When I say I love tipping well I mean I’ll tip 20-25% on a regular basis and might go as crazy as 100-200% on occasion. But the guys in this video give me something to aspire to, and I love how they weren’t shy about capturing the moments and having a great time with it.

Filed Under: Misc, Money, Personal Growth Tagged With: generosity

Book Update – God Centered Finances

September 26, 2013 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

The book promotion is going well. Lots of people are taking advantage of it while it’s free, and I really hope it helps them in their financial journey. It reached #1 in both of it’s categories Tuesday and is steadily climbing in the overall rank.

If it can get to the top 100 then a lot of people will find out about it and have the opportunity to be encouraged in their financial journey as well. One way to help it out is to post some good reviews, so if you happen to have at least skimmed over it and can leave an honest and positive review that would be much appreciated. If you haven’t had the opportunity to get it yet – click here.

It’s truly humbling to think God can use something like this to reach people. Thank you for your support in getting it out to as many people as possible.

Filed Under: Misc

God Centered Finances – Ebook

September 24, 2013 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

Since experiencing a rock bottom turn to Jesus moment financially, I have sought to better understand what the Bible teaches about money. I learned the Bible doesn’t address just giving – it also teaches saving and spending wisely. When I found my family struggling to strike a proper balance between giving, saving, and spending it became apparent to me that the only way to truly get it right is to keep God at the center of every financial decision. That is the basis for my first ebook:

God Centered Finances: A Balanced Perspective for Biblical Giving, Saving, and Spending.

I hope you’ll download a copy, and I hope it encourages your heart and mind to living the blessed life God has for you.

By the way – the Amazon Kindle App is available on all devices and computers for downloading this book.

Filed Under: Faith, Family, Money, Personal Growth, Reading, Relationships

Friends Don’t Let Friends…

September 23, 2013 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

The creativity of marketing geniuses never ceases to amaze me. I just heard a car dealership advertisement on the radio that said, “Friends don’t let friends drive junk.” What a catchy spin-off of the drunk driving prevention campaign!

On the surface it is easy to see that isn’t subtle marketing at all. They know it’s a bit of a cheesy statement and it isn’t going to directly influence anyone to immediately rush out to that particular dealership and buy a car simply because they heard that tag-line. That’s not likely to happen, but we will remember that tag-line and the dealership who said it.

However, whether we like it or not, the message, “friends don’t let friends drive junk,” is subliminally programming us to care what others think about what we’re driving. We can allow that subliminal message to take root in our mind and grow into thoughts of self-consciousness about our image. Or we can run that message through a brain cell.

The last time I noticed anyone I consider a true friend could really care less what kind of vehicle I drive. In fact, I’d say any “friend” who truly judges our “junk” purely on image value is probably not a true friend in the first place. But maybe I’m taking this too far.
Anyway – I think if the “friends don’t let friends drive junk” tag line is supposed to parallel the implication of the original “friends don’t let friends drive drunk” tag line then said friends would take the keys from me and provide a better alternative for me. If that’s the case I’m open to whatever better alternative for my junk that you guys come up with 🙂

Filed Under: Money

Comfort Zone

September 19, 2013 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

When we first get fired up about doing well with our finances or our marriage or any other area of our life we are willing to do crazy stuff to make it happen. We are willing to really stretch our comfort zone. We will go to counseling, do crazy stuff to save or earn money, eat like a rabbit to lose weight and do crazy exercises to get fit.

The problem with comfort zones is they shrink back to the old ways if we don’t continue to set new goals and do the crazy stuff it takes to reach them. Before we know it we’re eating our savings again, we’re not communicating well in our marriage, and we’re not making it to the gym nearly as often. The habits have drifted back towards where we started.

Goals and accountability make the difference – written goals that are in front of us somewhere so we see them all the time, and someone to nudge us to say, “How are you doing reaching that goal?”. Sometimes the accountability is a spouse but sometimes it’s better for there to be some outside accountability as well.

I’m planning to start being more transparent with my goals on this site. I’ve seen how my friend Joe has done it with his house payoff goal, and how the guy at MyMoneyBlog has done it to build net worth. There are some things that are not even financial that I have ways to track and measure that maybe I should be more transparent about and that stuff will start showing up on here.

What are some things you could start doing and tracking to get out of your comfort zone and work harder towards your goals?

Filed Under: Health, Money, Personal Growth, Relationships