Keeping It Real Update

Quite some time ago I promised to keep it real on here, and I think I’ve done so to some extent, but it’s time for a big time transparent update because I believe that’s what God wants me to do right now.

If you’ve read our story (either in previous posts on this blog or in the e-book) then you know what my biggest struggle has been for quite some time – I live pretty anxious about finances.  Crazy I know – coming from a guy who has been unbelievably blessed and helps other people get on track.  But none of that means I am perfect or don’t experience setbacks that challenge my faith.

I could write a 5000 word report about all the reasons I’m feeling more pressure right now (business is wildly unpredictable, etc).  But there’s really no good point to make there – that’s life.  The lesson I’m learning (or being reminded of) is, that regardless of how bad financial circumstances get, God is still good and He will provide.  Being overly-stressed about things doesn’t change that, and trying to carry that burden on my own takes away from the glory God gets when we keep our faith in Him.

So I’ve been surrendering all this to God and sharing it with others every chance I get.  The money situation is tighter than it’s been in years and it does stress me out.  At times I believe it is a spiritual attack trying to prevent us from fulfilling a giving commitment we felt lead to make.  Just as there’s a God that loves us there’s an enemy that wants to destroy us.

Regardless of why things aren’t easy right now, my family and I will steward what we’ve been blessed with and keep our commitments.  Whatever the results, we’re keeping our focus on God and our faith in His promises.  So pray for us please.

New – Meal Plan Sheet

For most people grocery shopping is not an activity we look forward to doing – especially when it requires sticking to a budget.  Most of us are usually too tired or busy to have to worry about what we’re going to cook.  We end up eating out more than we should, which is unhealthy, and spending more than we should, which is bad for the bank account.

In financial coaching we have found ourselves telling people over and over again about the Meal Plan Sheet (click to download) we use, but no one is ever able to find them.  It is hilarious how many people have come back to us and told their story of searching high and low everywhere for the meal plan sheets we told them about.  Well search no more – there it is!

Here’s why we love meal planning…  Each week we sit down with this sheet on Sunday’s and plan out meals for the whole week.  Having that plan prevents us from having to worry every day about “what’s for dinner.”  When anyone asks “what’s for dinner” they are pointed to the meal plan on the side of the refrigerator, and then they’re asked to help get started preparing it.

Having meals all planned out helps us fight the urge to eat out too.  But most importantly it helps us control our spending at the grocery store.  We’re much more likely to stick to the shopping list when we have a meal plan, and much less likely to stock up on things “just in case” when we have a detailed plan.

Now go print a bunch of them out and get started planning your meals from now on!

An Exciting New adVenture

From the time I was in college I’ve dreamed of owning business, and I actually have in various ways – from the mobile car detailing business I did for a couple of years to network marketing programs to consulting, speaking, and project managing as an outside contractor for other businesses (even my sales job is essentially a business of it’s own).  So I am very excited about the newest venture.

Introducing Impact Sport Events, LLC.  Created to make active lifestyle normal and fun for families – Impact Sport Events exists to provide family friendly and fun opportunities to be physically active.  Our core values are centered around faith, family, community, fitness, and fun.  Part of our excitement is also for the opportunity to support RiceBowls.org with portions of our proceeds.

Shamrock-Shuffle-3-14-15The first event we’re directing is the Shamrock Shuffle at Hartwell Dam in Hartwell, GA on March 14, 2015 – a 5k and 1mi Family Fun Run.  It will be a great day to get out and be active, and it will be an honor to have as many of our family and friends there as possible.  So if you can be there please consider coming out and joining in the fun.  Click here to register!

New Tool – Monthly Budget With Tracking

One of the best disciplines anyone could ever develop is the practice of budgeting.  It is biblical.  It is smart.  And it is completely necessary in order to truly have peace of mind with money.  You gotta plan it and you gotta track it to know how you’re doing against the plan.

There are so many options out there for doing a budget and tracking expenditures, and for me none are as simple to customize to my liking as a good ole fashioned excel spreadsheet.  That’s why I have an ever-changing system that works for me.  It includes an excel sheet I tweak consistently and Quicken that I learn new tricks on as I see fit.  But for everyone I meet with in one-on-one financial coaching I always recommend starting with what is most simple – excel.

The problem with most excel budgets out there is it is simple to create one for budgeting but not as simple to do the transaction entry and reporting that helps you know how well you’re sticking to the plan.  That’s why I created the  Monthly Budget With Tracking tool (click the link to download it).

The beautiful thing about this tool is the transaction log and report page.  Enter your transactions on the log and then use the report page to do the sums and comparisons.  No more of the failed attempts to add up actual spending in your head, or trying to remember exactly how you got to such a wrong amount.  The transactions are right there and they tell the whole story – the truth and nothing but the truth.  Because numbers don’t lie (unless they’re statistics).

It is a bit of a work in progress, but I’ve shared it with several folks in the coaching process and they all seem to appreciate the simple approach to planning, logging, and reporting performance.  So if it might be helpful to you then take some time to download it, read the short instruction page, and get to work.  You can’t control your money without giving it a plan, and you can’t control your plan without tracking your behavior.

As I adapt more of the excel sheets that work for us to be sharable for all I’ll definitely post them on the tools & tips page.  So stay tuned.

What F3 Means to Me and Why Men Should Be There

When you receive an email from someone you trust that basically says there’s this cool new thing starting up that’s free (that gets everyone’s attention) and challenging exercise, but fun and for men… yeah – you pay attention to emails like that.  Why?  Because we men need those things – open opportunities to push ourselves physically and be real with each other the way men can only do when the ladies are not around (because we’re gentlemen of course).

So when I received such an email from a friend that I trust I checked what it was all about and was immediately interested.  Then I checked with my friend to see if he was going.  No?  Why?  Ok – those are almost understandable circumstances for sitting out for now – almost.  But he won’t be let off the hook that easy.  I’m gonna be on him like stink on… well – you know stink on guys, until he comes out to try what he informed me about in the first place.  Because it is just what every guy needs.  It is F3.

What is F3?  Read about it here.  It is basically freely organized groups of guys that get together in different places at different times for different things – but all centered around a workout, some quality fellowship, and open faith prayer and connection.  The over-arching purpose is the invigoration of male community leadership – which is much needed in our society.  Personally – F3 is an opportunity to push myself physically beyond what I will do in a gym.  It’s an opportunity to open up and be real with kindred spirits about life – to both encourage and challenge each other.  It’s an opportunity for us to openly and freely practice and share our faith regardless of what it is.

Not only does F3 give me an opportunity to share life with other men in a way that I greatly appreciate, it also gives me the opportunity to share these experiences with my 12 yr old son.  In a world where, to a large degree digital screens have taken the place of the great outdoors, it is a blessing to see my son enjoying healthy community with good men.  In a world where men’s ministry at churches is either non existent or the type of lameness young men laugh at, it is a joy to watch my son be pushed right along with me to be a stronger and better man.

Tell me where else you can go to get a free workout as great as the ones we do at F3, with as good of guys as the ones at F3, and with the mission of F3.  It doesn’t exist – except for F3.  So I challenge all my “real-man” friends – get your butt up and just try it at least one time.  If the 64yr old man I saw last week can do it then you have no excuse, and if my 12yr old son can do it you have no excuse.

Our local group meets at the Anderson Civic Center on Saturdays at 7am and at the McCants Middle School football field at 5:30am on Wednesdays.  Rain or shine – hot or cold – we will be there.  All you need is your weather-appropriate workout clothes and maybe some gloves for doing pushups and stuff.  Ask for “Crunchy” (that’s me) or “Reese’s Pieces” (my son) – so that the other guys know who you’re talking about.

As for my friend who invited me – thank you, and get your butt out there!  See you in the gloom (aka early morning)!!

@F3Anderson Launch Day 10-18-14

@F3Anderson Launch Day 10-18-14

 

The Mark Driscoll Situation – An Accountability Reminder

The official news is out – Mark Driscoll has resigned from being lead pastor at Mars Hill Church.  SHOCKER!  Who didn’t see that coming from 6 weeks of leave away?  I’m about to weigh in on this because I feel I’ve kept my thoughts to myself for too long about this church stuff.  I want to start by making it perfectly clear that my main motivation is seeing God and His kingdom lifted up, but you’ll have to hear me out.  I also want to make it very clear that I have no power to gain, no agenda to advance, and I find it very ironic when I hear statements that label anyone willing to speak up as “power hungry” or otherwise unworthy of voicing a concern.  Keep reading and that might make more sense too.

As a brother in Christ, a very gifted communicator, and a brilliant mind – I love Mark Driscoll.  I don’t know him personally, but what I do know of him I really do love.  When he was at our home church my wife and I attended a marriage conference Mark and his wife conducted.  We read the book and loved it.  But that’s about as far as that love can go – what we’ve seen and read from a distance.  (I truly do pray the best is yet to come for Mark Driscoll).

Too many people in church today are too infatuated with stage personalities while too many pastors are shielding themselves from criticism to the point that they’ve surrounded themselves by cowards and conditioned them to be “yes” men.  Trust me – I know all about why some protection from criticism is necessary, but going to the other extreme leads to situations like Mark Driscoll is in right now.

“Church People” – that’s what the “new” churches call guys like me that have been around church our entire life, at the “old” or “traditional” churches.  I attend a “new” church – it’s great.  But by some stereotype I’m sure I fall in the bucket of “church people” used with negative connotation from time to time.  Call us what you want – there’s something we’ve learned along the way – people suck!  Faith in man sucks.  Trust is earned through personal relationship, but when personal relationships are cut off and people of influence aren’t kept in check bad stuff happens.

Not all “church people” are power hungry narcissists that expect pastors and staff to bend to their every demand or else…  Some of us just truly care about what’s best for the kingdom and know that people get in the way of what’s best all the time.  When we “church people” see red flags sometimes it’s for good reason.

A while back when I read the facts about what was going on with Mark Driscoll I was shocked, but I knew then that resignation was bound to happen.  So now that the resignation is reality – I’m not shocked at all.  Am I saddened by it – definitely.  But shocked by it – not at all.  As preachers kids my wife and I (and our siblings) have been subjected to more church crap than most people can imagine.  We can honestly say that for every pastor you hear about being “done wrong” there is at least one bad pastor that is still getting away with doing wrong.

Am I saying that pastors are supposed to be perfect?  Not at all.  None of us are perfect.  We’re going to make mistakes.  In fact – I think preachers are at their best when they are transparent enough to be real about areas where they are imperfect.  I know I’m most challenged to step up my walk with God when the preacher is genuinely real about their own struggles.

I don’t expect pastors, church staff, board members, or whatever to be perfect.  Being imperfect is not the problem I’m getting at with this post.  The problem is the arrogance to act in a way that makes it ok to stay not ok.  The saying I’ve heard says, “It’s ok to not be ok, but it’s not ok to stay that way.”  When imperfect people are given the power to surround themselves with worshipers and ignore questioners they are setting up to make it ok to stay not ok when there might really be something imperfect that needs to change.

If there’s no selfish motive to what I’m saying then it must be that I’m just a judgmental person.  Valid challenge.  (I, unlike other narcissists I know, am willing to accept challenging questions and perspectives.)  It really isn’t my place to judge, but I’ll tell you who my flesh wants to cast judgement on in this situation.  If I were a member, or “owner” as my home church puts it, I’d be questioning the leaders that were around Mark Driscoll as much or more so than I’d be questioning Mark Driscoll.  In my opinion those people are just as responsible for the damage being done to the kingdom right now.  So far though I haven’t heard or read anything that questions those guys.

Exactly how do I hold those guys responsible?  They were put in a position, by God, to make a choice when it would have been a tough choice to make.  When Mark Driscoll was having his worst moments they were in the position to call him out, take action, stand up for what was right – and they didn’t.  They let it slide, took little or no action (weak), and covered their butts – probably out of fear.  Am I saying they are ultimately responsible for Mark’s actions?  No.  But I’d say it is arguable that they are responsible for letting it reach epic proportions.

Despite my belief that the fault for the situation should be shared, I have little sympathy for anyone involved in the leadership at Mars Hill because they are missing an opportunity to model humility to the church body.  Parts of the resignation letter from Mark Driscoll might as well say, “I haven’t done anything THAT wrong, but I’ll leave anyway.”  It almost cracks me up – the classic narcissism in the well-worded but hardly humble tone.  I wonder how many revisions they had to do to avoid “sounding guilty” or actually admitting that he HAD to resign – as in he was forced out.  I don’t know if that is a fact, but this case wreaks of that being the real truth.  There is even reference to the things (minor things of course) confessed in the past.  But a little research on what those minor things were proves pretty alarming.

This is all very sad to me, and I’m no one to judge, and we’re all imperfect, and we all should forgive each other and accept forgiveness for ourselves.  But what I don’t see anywhere in anything I’ve read about the Mark Driscoll case is an acknowledgment that there are consequences for actions and behaviors.  It does not matter how long ago something happened or whether it was confessed and repented.  There are consequences for poor choices and bad behaviors, and the thing about consequences is we don’t always know when they’re going to happen.  I don’t know all the details and don’t need to know, but I hope Mark doesn’t completely miss the opportunity to accept the current circumstances as appropriate consequences he had coming for the bad choices he admittedly made.  And I truly do pray the best is yet to come for him.

Let this whole scenario be a strong reminder to us all that it is not unreasonable for us to question one another, even “leaders”, in loving yet challenging accountability.  Anytime I hear statements that communicate disdain for people who might have legitimate questions I have red flags waving and my mind is wondering – what is being hidden.  It is not unreasonable for church members, much less “owners” who have responsibilities, to expect transparency from the leadership.  It is not unreasonable to want some sort of evidence that there aren’t potentially destructive issues being covered up behind the scenes.

Whether we’re on the stage or in the congregation – we’re all imperfect.  But if Christ is in us His spirit and wisdom is with us – ALL of us.  No one, not even those on stage, should ever prevent us from listening to that voice inside that wants us to speak up.  Because we never know when our speaking up might be God using us to build and strengthen His army.

Top 3 Reasons We Do and Don’t Give to NewSpring Church

There’s a reason for everything we do.  Actually there are multiple reasons for each thing we do.  There is at least the reason we have in our head and then there is the reason God intends for everything we do.  God’s reason is usually bigger than our own.

Take giving for instance.  There could be many reasons we are motivated to give.  Being obedient to God’s word, that teaches giving, can be a great motivator.  The joy we feel in being generous can be a strong motivator.  The promise of God’s blessing when we’re generous can be a powerful motivator.  But notice how each of those can be considered selfish.  Expecting to feel satisfied by our obedience is a self-centered motivation.  Expecting to experience joy is a self-centered motivation.  Expecting to receive blessings is probably the most self-centered motivation.  I’m not saying any of these are bad reasons.  They’re just not sufficient without God’s reasons, which we might not know on this side of eternity.

The question I want to ask is this:  Would we still be willing to give back to God if there was no selfish hope of satisfaction, joy, or blessing?  That is impossible to answer because we don’t know what that’s like.  God allows us to experience satisfaction, joy, and blessings without fail whether we expect those experiences or not – because we can’t outgive God.

All that being said I just want to be very real about three of the top reasons we DON’T give to our home church, NewSpring Church, and then three of the top reasons we DO give to NewSpring Church.

Top 3 Reasons We DON’T Give to NewSpring Church

Don’t misunderstand – we DO give to NewSpring Church, but there are reasons we DO give and there are reasons we DON’T.  Here are the non-reasons we give:

  1. Perry Noble – the pastor.  He’s cool and all but he sucks just like the rest of us.  God uses him to speak, but he’s just a man.  I like to see him be transparent so we know he’s growing and maturing in Christ just like the rest of us.  But regardless of how he’s doing my family doesn’t give to NewSpring Church just because Perry says so.  I understand leadership and respect it, and trust that Perry and other pastors are good leaders.  But giving to any church just because a pastor says so is a terrible reason to give.  Giving to anything because of the influence of man is so short sighted.
  2. Pretty buildings – a bunch of them.  NewSpring Church has lots of pretty buildings with lots of cool stuff inside.  I know buildings are necessary and having nice ones makes everyone comfortable.  I gave to the last building campaign and I’ll give to the current one.  But my family does not give to NewSpring Church in order to see pretty buildings erected.  It doesn’t matter how awesome those buildings are they are as temporary as Perry and all the rest of us.
  3. Fancy Shows – every Sunday and Wednesday.  No one puts on a better church worship experience than NewSpring Church, and it happens several times in several places on Sundays, and again for youth on Wednesdays.  The preparation that goes into having an excellent experience at NewSpring Church is monumental – from the music and teaching to the parking and care.  But my family does not give to NewSpring Church in order to see fancy shows.  How worship is done now will probably be a laughable fad 50-100 years from now.

Am I saying that Perry, pretty buildings, and fancy shows are not important?  No – those things have a purpose.  Am I saying that giving to fund those things is not important?  No – as long as those things are not the reason for giving to those things.

Top 3 Reasons We DO Give to NewSpring Church

You’ve gotta be getting the point by now.  The right reason for giving is not to impress or please man in any way – it’s to see God move in every way.  My family believes in the work God does through NewSpring Church, and we’re honored to be a part of it.  It’s not about NewSpring – it could be any church we feel God is moving in. But at least for now and the past 11 years it’s NewSpring.

We give to obey and glorify God, and to see Him move.  I can’t think of any move of God more near and dear to our hearts than the salvation and baptism of our three children.  Like it’s said all the time at NewSpring – you can’t outgive God.  Here are our top 3 completely selfish yet God centered motivations for giving to NewSpring Church, where we see God moving in our family:

    1. Devin Asbell – accepted Christ and soon after was baptized in May of 2010.

    1. Skyler Asbell – accepted Christ and after much worry and hesitation was baptized in April of 2014.

    1. Kylee Asbell – accepted Christ and soon after was baptized in May of 2014.

All three of our kids have accepted Christ at home, with us, but while our entire family was attending and being ministered to at NewSpring Church – where God uses broken people, in worthless buildings, with passing-fad experiences to draw the lost to Him.  Then there’s the whole ‘found people find people’ thing – imagine how much impact God could have through those three little people.  I know these things can sound cliche’, but they’re just true.

It can be considered completely selfish motivation for me to give to NewSpring Church because of these experiences with my kids.  Got me – I’m guilty of experiencing overwhelming satisfaction, joy, and blessing from seeing my kids as well as thousands of other people take steps to follow Christ.  Would I have been willing to give without the hope of experiencing that selfish satisfaction, joy, and blessing?  It’s impossible to imagine that, but you have to try it to believe it.  God’s reason for our giving might be bigger than we can even fathom.

Stay Salty & Shine On

Have you ever been to Five Guys Burgers and Fries? DELICIOUS burgers (just as good as In-N-Out – in my opinion), but don’t overlook the “Fries” part of the name (the part that makes Five Guys a better overall meal than In-N-Out – in my opinion). There’s just something about those fries – the potatoes are so fresh, they’re cut just right, or maybe it’s the seasoning.

At Five Guys the regular salt they use on the fries is good enough, but if you want to really flavor those bad boys up you get them with the cajun seasoning. Just writing this is making my mouth water. That seasoning on those fries is an addictive combination.

When I read Matthew 5:13 I think of places with perfect seasoning – like Five Guys.

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.”

This is Jesus saying we are salt of the earth and we shouldn’t lose our saltiness. The verses that follow talk about letting our light shine before others. In other words – we are supposed to live our life in a way that is tasteful, desirable, and a beacon of hope to the world. We should strive to live our life in a way that draws other people to God because they’re just craving that seasoning, or they’re drawn out of the darkness.

It’s been said that being a light to the world means penetrating darkness, just like actual light does – it penetrates darkness. In the context of penetrating the darkness of the world it has been said that the darkness is sin. In order to penetrate the darkness of sin with light we have to be willing to let the light of doing good shine for others to see more than we’re willing to let the darkness overcome our light.

Just as a town built on a hill cannot be hidden and a lamp shouldn’t be put under a bowl, doing good should not be overcome by the darkness of sin. We are sinful though, so what then? Sometimes in order to keep the lamp on a stand we’re going to shine light on each others darkness, but the light should remain. Sometimes our seasoning is going to sting the canker sores of each others sin, but we should remain salty.

Stand for something or die for nothing. You know what good you ought to do, and God will take care of the rest. Stay salty my friends, and keep on shining.

REAL Leadership – Less Talk & More Action

One of the most difficult things for me to talk about is ‘leadership’ because I am of the belief that the subject gets way more attention than necessary and unfortunately does as much harm as good in some environments.  I won’t get in to all of what that means in this post, but I do want to point out one example that has always seemed a little off – in my opinion.

There’s a school of thought out there that goes something like this, “If you’re leading the way toward a vision and look back to find no one is following then you’re not leading anything you’re just out for a walk.”  On the one hand I understand the context of this thinking – many missions require the buy-in of others to support and carry out the vision and people leading the charge need to be challenged to carry the torch in a way that inspires others to ‘follow’- etc.  On the other hand, I can’t stand how this gets taken out of context and used to look down on truly quality people of influence (which is what leadership is really about – influence) just because they don’t have a bunch of implied “followers” on an org chart.

Stop taking individual principles out of context!  John Maxwell, probably the truest and most accomplished expert on being a person worthy of trusted influence (leadership), teaches in one of his many best-selling books, The 360 Degree Leader, that anyone can be a valuable person of influence from any position in any organization or place in life.  Leadership is not all about hierarchy or popularity.  It’s not about control or manipulation.  Being a ‘leader’ doesn’t mean you have to look back and see a bunch of ring kissers to look down on.

Real leaders don’t have to talk about leadership so much – they just do what they do and if others are along for the ride it’s probably because they were served by the “leader” first.  So next time someone feels compelled to make statements about GOOD leadership being anything other than healthy influence and trust, please keep it to yourself.  Most of us would much rather everyone just shut up and serve!

Making Money Management Hard For No Reason

Several months ago Shawna and I were coaching a happy young couple with their finances. They were doing great! They were giving, saving, and spending within their means, but there was a little concern that they weren’t sticking exactly to what they budgeted in some of the spending categories. One of the spouses, acknowledging the difficulty of discipline, made this honest statement, “It’s like we’re doing this just to make it hard for ourself for no reason.”

When faced with the challenge of disciplined spending it is no secret that either giving or saving is making up the difference. In this couples’ case it was saving. The underlying question they were asking is, “How do we stay focused on sticking to the budget when we seem to be doing just fine?” Here’s how to answer that question.

Goals

Saving just for the sake of saving is boring. There must be a reason, or goal, for the saving. Goals are not as likely to be reached without time limits. So one motivation for sticking to the spending plan rather than decreasing the rate of saving is so that we get to the goals we’ve set in the time-frame we set them in when we maintain our rate of saving.

Challenges

Whether we see or feel the risk of unexpected challenges or not, they are there and will pop up to surprise us when we least expect them. The prospect of challenges setting us back isn’t very motivating until one actually happens, but then it’s too late.

Future Discipline

When things are going great it’s easy to fall in to the habit of spending more freely. Then when things aren’t going so great it sucks royally having to go backwards – sacrificing the freedoms we grow so accustomed to. So maintaining steady discipline all the time prepares us for those inevitable periods of time when discipline is not an option.

The bottom line – we should keep our spending disciplined so that we can maintain our priority of saving, otherwise we won’t be prepared for challenges and/or our goals might be put off perpetually. No one ever said sticking to the plan was ‘hard for no reason’ when they associate it with breaking through challenges and accomplishing dreams.

For more perspective on striking a balance with Giving, Saving, & Spending check out this ebook on Amazon – God Centered Finances