phone. Here they are:
Devin and his buddies Ethan, Elliott, and Brody. They’re watching the
fireworks that were shot off when it was still daylight.
Skyler and her friend Olivia sitting with Mr. Eric watching the daylight
fireworks.
Kylee sleeping through the fireworks.
ampitheater (or whatever it’s called) was dark and there were so many
people. I was pulling our wagon full of stuff with one hand and holding
Devin’s hand with the other hand. Shawna was pushing Kylee in the stroller
with one hand and holding Skyler’s hand with the other hand. Devin was
holding an umbrella in the opposite hand from the one I was holding.
Obviously we all had our hands full. The last words we said to both Devin &
Skyler as we began to walk in the crowd was ‘DO NOT let go of mommy &
daddy’s hands’.
The problem was the pants Devin had on that night were a little too big
around the waist (or they were just stretchy enough that the more he played
the looser they got). As we were walking along and talking to some friends
that were walking beside us Devin’s pants began to fall. Worse than that
was I didn’t know what was happening. We got almost out of the ampitheater
and I became abruptly aware of the situation. I don’t remember exactly what
happened other than somehow I finally looked down in Devin’s direction
beside me and noticed his shorts were around his ankles. I hoped it had
just happened and we hadn’t been walking along like that very long. I
immediately stopped and let go of the wagon and helped him pull his pants
up. Devin was so embarrassed. He grabbed his shirt to pull it over his
King Kong underwear, and looked up at the people behind us who began to
laugh. (It was probably a cute moment from their point of view but they
really made him feel very embarrassed and in hindsight I wish I would have
cussed and bowed up a back hand at them – men and women alike – I was ticked
later on). I’ve never seen Devin so upset with embarrassment. We quickly
grabbed our things and made our way toward the exit – this time with one of
Devin’s hands holding my hand and the other holding his pants instead of the
umbrella.
When we got out of the ampitheater and out of everyone’s way I stopped to
hold Devin who at this point was crying he was so upset. I got down on my
knees and held him and tried to comfort him. It was at that moment he said
“Daddy I tried to tell you my pants were falling but you didn’t listen”. My
heart was immediately broken into a million pieces. I had failed my son in
a way I thought I would never fail him. All I had to do was be more
attentive to him walking beside me, but instead I was too engulfed in my own
conversation with someone else.
I couldn’t help it. I broke into tears and just held Devin as close as I
could. People were walking by and I’m sure staring, but I didn’t even care
at that moment. I was now giving my undivided attention to my son. I
apologized to him over and over and told him it would never happen again,
but the tears weren’t slowing down – his or mine. So I picked him up and
carried him the remaining 100 yards or more that we had to walk to our
vehicle. At this point I was so mad at myself and the laughing people, and
crushed with the pain of failing my son – I was physically numb. Carrying a
50lb boy and pulling a 100lb wagon full of stuff, and crying like a baby.
Devin started telling me to stop. I realized my crying wasn’t helping him
calm down so I started to regain my composure.
We spent a lot of time in the car in traffic as we left and that gave us all
a closed environment to just talk it all out and work through the emotions
and frustrations. Devin expressed himself and his anger. Kids are so
innocent and forgiving. He forgave me almost instantly and forgot that I
had failed and could have prevented the whole thing by paying attention.
Instead he turned his anger and frustration at the people who made him feel
so embarrassed. He told us how mad he was at those people for laughing at
him and how he wanted to hit them and kick them. I could understand that.
He wanted to hurt them the way he had been hurt and the only way he knew how
was to physically hurt them. We helped him talk through it and understand
that it was no big deal that his pants fell down and those people didn’t
really see his underwear and they were mean for laughing but that’s just how
people are sometimes etc etc etc. He said he never wants to wear those
shorts again so as far as I’m concerned he’ll never have to wear them again
because I don’t want to give him any reason to remember that incident.
By the time we finally got home Devin was pretty much over it. I had a hard
time going to sleep that night, but when I prayed and accepted once again
that I’m not perfect and I’m going to make mistakes I was able to get over
it too. Devin hasn’t said another word about that night. It’s like he’s
forgotten all about it, which I’m thankful for.
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