Where do I start? I don’t know if I’ve ever written about this on my blog before, so here it goes…
Once again I’ll mention Perry because he mentions pornography very frequently on his blog and from the stage while he’s preaching. He even wore a shirt this past Sunday that said “GOD IS WATCHING YOU DOWNLOAD THAT PORN”. It was appropriate because the message was on character and quite frankly people who look at porn do so because they have character flaws. I want to save character for another post though. I want to talk about porn right now.
This will probably be a multi-post because I could actually write a book on this subject. It used to be very difficult for me to talk about pornography because I was guilty – I was looking at it. That’s right – I used to look at porn. I’m not proud of it but I’m forgiven. Trust me I know how you feel if you’re struggling with porn. I’ve been there and I think I know what you need – aside from a good relationship with Jesus Christ.
You need accountability. You need a good friend you can trust to share your burden and hold you accountable. I know you’re dying to come clean and stop. You’ve even tried on your own several times. You can’t do it alone! Swallow your pride and share that burden. If you don’t think you have a friend you can trust that much you’re probably wrong.
There is a great book every man should read called “Every Mans Battle”. I should probably just go through that book again and post notes on here like I did for the Five Love Languages. But for now I’m just gonna wing it – from my perspective and my own memory bank of what I’ve learned. If you are struggling with porn I can tell you some things probably going on inside you right now:
- You’re ashamed.
- You think you’re alone.
- You feel weak.
- You’ve lost hope.
- You’re in a viscious cycle.
I could do a separate post on every line of that list (maybe that’s the first five chapters of my book). What I want to get through to people who look at porn and want to stop is the fact that you CAN NOT do it alone. You have to have some accountability. Here are some quick guidelines you might use to start thinking about and selecting who you want your accountability partner to be:
- Someone you trust.
- Someone who understands (most men do because they’re either going through it or they’ve already been through it).
- Someone who will share your desire to stop. It can’t be someone who is just ok with you looking at porn. It needs to be someone who doesn’t judge you, but even if you’re both struggling you share the same conviction and both want to be better so you fight the battle (share the burden) together.
- Someone who will commit to challenge you and accept challenges from you.
- You might need more than one.
There are so many ways to do accountability on this matter also. The internet is by far the worst porn vehicle invented by man, but it can be monitored. There are softwares out there you and your accountability partner can purchase and use to hold each other accountable. Maybe I’ll mention some specific ones in later posts. Lenny and I used a software for a long time to hold me accountable. It worked. I knew I couldn’t lie about what came up when Lenny checked that software…
Anyway… In future posts I’m going to tell more of my story concerning all this. I’m going to elaborate on the first list of bullets in this post. Who knows what all I might write. I’m probably going to mess some people up who read this. I’m probably going to refer to some books that have helped Shawna and me.
I haven’t even touched on what it does to your wife, or future wife, or what she needs to know about it to help you get through it and help you deal with the struggle from now til you kick the bucket (it never goes away – haven’t you seen dirty old men staring at young women). I’ll talk more about all this. It’s gonna take several posts to say it all and neither you nor I have time to cover it all in one day.
Have a Great Weekend.
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