Has anyone ever presumed, or judged, you based on what they may, or may not, know about you?  I know what that is like – to be wrongly judged, but if I’m honest with myself I have to admit that I’ve been guilty of wrongly judged too.  But there’s usually a reason that leads to such a presumption.

In relationships our tendency to presume innocent is influenced by a mix of current and historic behavior.  If a person has hurt us our trust is hindered, our walls of suspicion and defense are up, and our presumption is guilt rather than innocence any time there is a question of character.  If a person has worked to have a good relationship with us and build trust with us then it is much easier for us to presume innocence when thoughts of character judgement enter our mind.

The question we need to ask is not, “Who in my life do I trust enough to presume innocent?”  The question we should be more concerned with is, “Who in my life would consider me a trustworthy relationship that they naturally presume innocent?”  The first question is about what’s in it for us, but the second question is about what’s in it for others.  When we challenge our self to be a better spouse, parent, family member, or friend it is ultimately better for everyone including our self.

Read Ephesians 5 where it talks about wives respect and husbands love…

Today I just had some quick thoughts that put the respect and love dynamic in to some simple modern day marriage situations, so I thought I’d jot them down real quick.

Wives – don’t expect him to come home from work and do more work at home than you’re willing to do.

Husbands – don’t expect to come home from work and plop down in front of the TV while she does all the work.

Wives – don’t expect him to spend less time watching football than you do watching Facebook and TLC.

Husbands – don’t expect sex from her if there is a pile of laundry and dishes to do and you didn’t even help put the kids to bed.

Wives – don’t expect him to put the kids to bed and do the laundry and dishes and mow the lawn and clean the floor and toilets and give you a mani-pedi and a back rub in order for you to be in the mood.

Husbands – don’t expect her to respect you if you are never showing love to her.  You don’t do date night – she don’t do sexy time.  You don’t do dishes – she don’t wash your nasty underwear.  You don’t do deep, open, honest, meaningful conversations – she don’t do uplifting and encouraging affirmation of your leadership of the family. (bad use of “don’t” for emphasis)   But wives!  Just because I wrote those things doesn’t mean that’s how it has to go.  Try doing your side of all those statements even if he doesn’t do his side of all those statements and see what happens.

Wives – don’t expect him to love you if you are never showing respect to him. You don’t do sexy time – he don’t do dishes.  You don’t affirm his leadership of the family – he don’t do deep conversation.  You don’t do football watching – he don’t do chick flick watching.  (bad use of “don’t” for emphasis)   But husbands!  Just because I wrote those things doesn’t mean that’s how it has to go.  Try doing your side of all those statements even if she doesn’t do her side of all those statements and see what happens.

Do you see the pattern of give and take?  It’s called compromise.  It’s never fair, but it works.  Shawna always says “Fair” is a place people ride rides.  Stop expecting life to be fair.  Give and see what your spouse will give in return.  Then don’t be afraid to take it.  If this dynamic gets too one sided have a healthy heart to heart to get to the bottom of it and try to improve.