Wear Your Wedding Ring!

March 12, 2007 by Leave a Comment

So have you watched anybody lately?? One of the things I look for when I’m watching people is whether or not they’re wearing a wedding ring. Of course whatever story I make up about them might hinge completely on whether or not they’re actually wearing their wedding ring because so many people don’t. So I want to share some of my thoughts on why people don’t wear their wedding rings and make some comments about each reason…

Why some people don’t wear their wedding rings??

It doesn’t fit.
Get it sized! This is not an excuse not to wear it because it is too cheap to get a ring sized. If you take it to the jeweler you bought it from they will probably do it for free. I caught a good friend of mine without his ring on and he told me it was because it was broken or small or something. He’s a good man, so just the fact that I was a good enough friend to question him about it spurred him on to go get it fixed. Don’t put it off – the ring matters.

Workplace won’t allow jewelry for safety reasons around equipment.
I used to have to deal with this one when I was a manager in manufacturing. Here’s what I did…Put it on after work! It’s not that hard. I put it on my car keys so I would remember it as soon as I grabbed my keys to go home.

Forgot it.
What else do you forget? I hope you never forget the fact that your married and your ring communicates that to anyone who sees you wearing it. I know sometimes “I forgot” is legit (it happens to Shawna more often than me because I never have to take mine off anymore), but 99% of the time there is no reason to “forget”. Apply some method of reminding yourself like I mentioned about putting it on my car keys. You probably can’t forget to leave anywhere without your car keys.

Just don’t like wearing it.
I think you’re selfish. I don’t like wearing anything but I’m over it because it’s expected that I don’t run around naked everywhere. Get used to it and wear your ring.

Cheating.
I don’t care what kind of problems your marriage is going through – cheating is wrong. I’ve watched enough crap at airports, hotels, in corporate office environments, etc – to have a pretty good idea of when someone is the cheating type (with or without their wedding rings on). As a matter of fact I’ve learned some visual cues from a private investigator who catches cheaters for a living. Maybe you use one of the other excuses not to wear your ring and you don’t cheat. But what if other people think you aren’t wearing your ring because you want to appear available – like a cheater would do?? That should be enough to make you get over any excuse, avoid the appearance of evil, and WEAR YOUR RING.

Not married yet.
Oh, that explains it… just kidding. But don’t be living together and/or having sex before your married either. This is another thing a little people watching experience will teach how to read – whether or not unmarried people are having sex. I’m not being judgmental either. I made mistakes and that’s why I can tell you it wasn’t worth it. I’ve never heard anybody who waited say it wasn’t worth it to wait, but we’ve all heard at least a million times from those of us who didn’t wait but wish we would have…

Back to the subject – If your marriage is important to you then you should feel uncomfortable without that wedding ring on. It is a symbol of your undying commitment to your spouse. Wear it like you mean it.

Filed Under: Relationships

Sex – Health Benefits

March 10, 2007 by Leave a Comment

Since I’m a big advocate of sex (within marriage of course) I thought I should share this highly educational article. I’ve made lighthearted comments about these points to people before, but it was interesting to read it from a professional MD. After reading this there really aren’t many valid excuses to not have sex.

The Health Benefits of Sex
By Al Sears, MD

The most credible study connecting overall health with sexual frequency comes from Queens University in Belfast. They tracked the mortality of about 1,000 middle-aged men over the course of a decade. After 10 years, the British Medical Journal revealed, the men who reported the highest frequency of orgasm enjoyed a death rate 50 percent lower than the others.

Other studies show that having sex a few times a week has a direct link to:

  • Reduced risk of heart disease: In a 2001 follow-up to the Queens University study, researchers looked at cardiovascular health. They found that by having sex three or more times a week, men lowered their risk of heart attack and stroke by 50 percent.
  • Weight loss: Sex is exercise. A vigorous session is about the same as running for 15 minutes or playing a game of tennis. During sex, your pulse rate rises from about 70 beats per minute to 150, similar to what you’d get from a vigorous workout at the gym.
  • Pain relief: Just before orgasm, your level of a hormone called oxytocin surges to five times its normal level. This, in turn, releases endorphins, which alleviate the pain of everything from headaches to arthritis – even migraines. (In women, sex stimulates the production of estrogen, which can reduce the pain of PMS.)

I know I’m writing this late but for health’s sake we should probably get some exercise in before we go to sleep…

Filed Under: Health

Don’t Do Drugs

March 8, 2007 by Leave a Comment

I might sound crazy but I completely agree with any argument against prescription drugs. Look at the side effects. People take drugs that cause side effects they’ll need more drugs for. Take impotence for example – you take one drug to get your blood pressure down, but a side effect of that drug causes impotence which can be treated with another drug like viagra… It’s a vicious cycle… One drug causes depression, but there’s another drug to treat that… And don’t get me started on how much money they’re making – which is why natural remedies or preventative health aren’t promoted. Find a good health and wellness source NOW so you don’t need prescriptions later.

Beat the “Silent Killer” Without Drugs
By Al Sears, MD

High blood pressure – the “silent killer” – strikes without warning. And at least 20 percent of Americans with this condition don’t even know they have it.

Once patients are diagnosed with high blood pressure, U.S. doctors are the most aggressive in the world at treating it, according to a new study published in the Archives of Internal Medicine. They prescribe drugs earlier than doctors in other countries and are the quickest to prescribe more than one drug at a time. A remarkable 64 percent of American patients are on two or more blood-pressure drugs. And those medications have side effects, including:

Impotence
Fatigue
Congestive heart failure
Memory loss
Weakness
Depression
Persistent cough

Most patients don’t need dangerous drugs. One of the most powerful ways to combat this epidemic is completely natural and without serious side effects. I’m talking about taking CoQ10.
My Wellness Research Foundation found that a vast majority of people with high blood pressure have very low levels of CoQ10. So I’ve used this supplement to wean hundreds of patients off drugs. Treated with 200 mg of CoQ10 daily, their blood pressure returned to normal.

Here are two other natural supplements to help you lower your blood pressure:
Garlic naturally widens your blood vessels and lowers your systolic pressure (the top number) by 20 to 30 mm Hg and your diastolic pressure (the bottom number) by 10 to 20 mm Hg. A German study revealed that garlic also lowers your cholesterol and triglycerides (blood fat). Look for a supplement that contains at least 3,600 micrograms of allicin (the active ingredient in garlic) per dose.

Vitamin C is another proven way to lower your blood pressure. One 10-year study showed that the lower your levels of vitamin C, the higher your blood pressure and risk of stroke. Another study found that taking as little as 250 mg a day cut the risk of high blood pressure by almost half – and it’s very safe to take much more. I usually recommend starting with 1,000 mg of vitamin C daily.

Filed Under: Health

Chocolate

March 6, 2007 by Leave a Comment

I LOVE chocolate – especially dark chocolate. I think this article explains why I sometimes crave it. This article was also quite interesting to me because our good friends Lenny & Tathie have an adopted son who is Kuna Indian. Hey Christian – let’s have some chocolate!!

A “Prescription” for Chocolate
By Jon Herring

Several years ago, I went to visit my brother who was serving in the Peace Corps in the mountains of Panama. Every morning, we began our day with a rich cup of some of Central America‘s finest coffee. That is, until we reached the San Blas Islands.

The San Blas are inhabited by the Kuna, a strongly knit tribe of Native Americans. Instead of coffee, the Kuna drink a beverage made with cocoa. And though they’re probably not aware of it, the cocoa is rich in heart-healthy antioxidants and other beneficial nutrients. I was reminded of this when I read a recent study showing that the Kuna Indians who live on the mainland have a high incidence of heart disease and high blood pressure, while those who still live in the Islands (and consume this beverage daily) have an extraordinarily low incidence of those conditions.

Certainly there can be other dietary reasons why the Kuna living in cities have health concerns that the islanders do not. But this study strongly supports the results of other recent studies, including one published in the Journal of Clinical Nutrition which showed that the consumption of cocoa caused a “striking blood flow response” to the brain and improved brain function.

The Journal of Clinical Nutrition study was sponsored by Mars Inc., the company that makes M&Ms, Snickers, and Twix. I have no problem with their research – but don’t get the idea that a Snickers bar is going to do the trick. Besides being full of sugar, milk chocolate has very little cocoa. Instead, choose a high-quality dark chocolate – the more bitter, the better. Or buy a container of organic, unsweetened cocoa powder (NOW Foods makes the brand I buy). Mix it with water or milk and drink it several times a week. If you prefer it sweetened, add a few drops of stevia.

Filed Under: Health

People Watching

February 28, 2007 by Leave a Comment

When Shawna and I first met I was working for Delta Airlines at one of the largest airports in the world – Hartsfield International Airport in Atlanta. And since I had the employee flight benefits I would take Shawna on some really cool trips (such as Disney World, Miami – South Beach, Colorodo – skiing…) Since we spent a lot of time in the airport we made almost a game out of watching people, but not just watching them – we would observe them and make up our own story about them. It was a great way to pass the time because I of course made up funny stuff, but I think we were able to learn a lot too.

Let me explain. I don’t believe you can ALWAYS judge (or make up a story about) a person by their outer appearance, but you might be surprised how often you can get close especially when you also observe a persons behaviors for just a few moments. How do I know this? I’m sure there are books by experts with supported research, but here’s how I do it. Observe your friends and family and relate their physical cues and appearance to their actual life story and circumstances. Also, know a few statistics about the majority of people (poor and middle class) and a few facts about the outliers (wealthy). Experience (of our own and others close to us) and observation is what helps us form more accurate impressions of people.

Call me crazy, but I’ve even guessed some things about people who I just met and found out later that some of what I guessed is true. All of us do this, but not everybody thinks about it like me – I’m a freak. First impressions often ARE accurate impressions. Like it or not it’s the truth, but some people are better at forming their first impressions.

The key word I used before is observed. You can’t just glance at someones clothes and whether or not they’re smiling to know much about them. You have to observe the look in their eye, their posture, how they walk, how they talk, etc. etc. etc. This is so interesting (and often humorous) to me that I want to share some of my observations and thoughts in future posts, so I’m going to make a category just for People Watching and post to it now and then. Check back… I’m often wrong, but it’ll be interesting to talk about what I think I’ve learned by watching people.

Filed Under: Misc

Jesus Take The Wheel

February 27, 2007 by Leave a Comment

Today I remembered a funny story I’d like to share. Our kids have been very high maintenance lately with sickness and attitudes and all the other stuff kids go through. We love them but sometimes I have to bust out into “Jesus Take the Wheel” both as a prayer and for comic relief to help me keep my sanity.

So today was one of those days and I broke out in to “Jesus Take the Wheel”, but this time I remembered a ride in the car from about a year ago. We were riding down the road (in our minivan) and talking with the kids about different stuff when we started talking about Jesus and how he is always with us. They said, “is he in the car?” and we told them yes he is always with us wherever we are. They both turned around and tried looking for him in the back seat saying “Jesus, are you back there?” That is precious…

They still don’t really understand how Jesus is always with us but we can’t ever see him. One day I’ll explain to them how Jesus isn’t in the back seat – he’s in the drivers seat. But if I tried to tell them that now I can guess what the next comment would be, “Daddy, YOU’RE NOT JESUS!” Kids are so honest.

Filed Under: Family

Cardio – From Your Heart’s Perspective

February 21, 2007 by Leave a Comment

I love these articles because I have personally felt the difference when doing this and completely believe and agree that it is very important – DON’T WEAKEN YOUR HEART….

A Look at “Cardio” From Your Heart’s Perspective

By Al Sears, MD

Look at any rack of fitness magazines and you’ll see dozens of covers telling you that you need “cardio.” Go to any gym and the trainer will insist on devoting some of your time to “cardio.” You probably don’t like doing it, yet you feel compelled to comply. After all, who doesn’t want a healthy heart?

Common parlance has even accepted the term “cardio” (short for cardiovascular endurance training) as synonymous with exercise for your heart. But shouldn’t exercise make the targeted body part stronger?

When you study the heart’s changes as a result of cardiovascular endurance training, you find it getting weaker in some critical capacities that simulate the changes caused by stress and aging.
Routinely forcing your body to perform the same continuous cardiovascular challenge by repeating the same movement, at the same rate, thousands of times – without variation, without rest – is unnatural. By that, I mean our ancestors didn’t regularly stress their cardiovascular systems in this manner. They may have put this type of demand on their hearts – but rarely, and not in the context of the daily environment of a native society in balance with its surroundings.

Yet nature designed your body to adapt to whatever environment it encounters. If you ask it to perform an activity repeatedly and routinely, it will gradually change the systems involved to meet the challenge more effectively.

But what adaptive changes does continuous cardiovascular activity cause?

Continuous-duration exercise that taxes your endurance produces some unique challenges your body must overcome. It must not run out of fuel, overheat, or be overwhelmed by metabolic wastes. Its primary adaptation will be to become more efficient at light, long, continuous, low-energy output. One of the ways your body does that is by gradually rebuilding your heart, lungs, blood vessels, and muscles to be as small as possible, while maintaining the minimum “horsepower” required to perform the activity.

You waste fuel and raw material with a Ferrari-sized engine going 20 miles per hour. Forced, continuous-endurance exercise induces your heart and lungs to “downsize,” because smaller allows you to go further … more efficiently … with less rest … and less fuel.

The Danger of “Downsizing” Your Heart’s Capacity

So what’s wrong with increasing durational capacity through downsizing? Instead of building heart strength, it robs your heart of its vital reserve capacity. Your heart’s reserve capacity is that portion of its maximal output that you don’t use during ordinary activity.
Let’s go back to the car analogy. Say you normally drive at a speed of 40 miles per hour, but your car has the ability to reach a top speed of 140 miles per hour. If you think of your heart as the engine, your reserve capacity is the difference between your normal cruising speed and that top speed.

So if you downsize your heart and lungs, you have traded reserve capacity for efficiency at continuous duration. That forces those organs to operate dangerously close to their maximal output when circumstances challenge them. This is a problem you don’t need … especially for your heart.

Heart attacks don’t occur because of a lack of endurance. They occur when there is a sudden increase in cardiac demand that exceeds the heart’s capacity. Giving up your heart’s reserve capacity to adapt to unnatural bouts of continuous prolonged-duration output only increases your risk of sudden cardiac death.

A ground-breaking study of long-distance runners showed that, after a workout, their blood levels and the oxidation of LDL (bad) cholesterol and triglycerides increased. (High triglycerides dramatically increase your risk of heart disease.) The researchers also found thatprolonged running disrupted the balance of blood thinners and thickeners, elevating inflammatory factors and clotting levels – both signs of heart distress.

These changes do not indicate a heart that’s becoming stronger with long-duration exercise.
Exercising for long periods makes your heart adept at handling a 60-minute jog, but it accomplishes this feat by trading in its ability to provide you with big bursts when circumstances might demand. The real key to preventing heart disease and protecting and strengthening your heart is to induce the opposite adaptive response produced by continuous cardio and increase your heart’s reserve capacity. Bigger, fastercardiac output that’s readily available is what you really need.

Recent clinical studies show us the benefit of avoiding long-duration routines and exercising in shorter bursts. Researchers from the University of Missouri found that short bouts of exercise were more effective for lowering fat and triglyceride levels in the blood. Another study revealed that the duration of exercise routines predicts the risk of heart disease in men. They found that several shorter sessions of physical activity were more effective for lowering the risk of coronary heart disease.

The Secret to a “100-Year Heart” Is Millions of Years Old

Our ancestors lived in a world where their food fought back. Predators attacked without notice. Humans had to run or fight – fast and hard. These short bursts of high-output activity fine-tuned their bodies and kept them fit.

We still have the same physiology.

How do you recreate that kind of physical challenge? The key is to create an “oxygen debt.”

Simply exercise at a pace you can’t sustain for more than a short period. Ask your lungs for more oxygen than they can provide. The difference between the oxygen you need and the oxygen you get is your oxygen debt. This will cause you to pant and continue to breathe hard even after you’ve stopped the exertion. (Until you replace the oxygen you’re lacking.)

Here’s an example: Pedal a bike as fast as you can for 15 seconds. When you stop, you’ll continue to pant. This is the kind of high-output challenge you can’t sustain for very long. You will have reached a supra-aerobic zone. This is very different from doing an aerobic workout for 45 minutes.

Another example: Do one-minute intervals – either running or riding a bike. Work yourself up to a speed that you cannot sustain for very long. After one minute, rest. You can rest by slowing down to a very slow speed or (if you need to) you can stop altogether. Do this 3 or 4 times.

With these types of interval exercises, you’ll quickly start to build up reserve capacity in your heart. This is exactly what you need to prevent heart attacks and heart disease.

Filed Under: Health

Children and Love Languages

February 20, 2007 by Leave a Comment

I’ve finished reading The Five Love Languages for the second time and this is my last post about it except for some personal stories I might tell later on that might reference the 5LL principles.

Gary Chapman has written more books on the subject that I will probably read at some point, but he at least devotes one chapter of the feature 5LL book to children. This is important to me because my children are getting old enough now that we can start trying to identify what their primary love languages are.

When children are little you don’t know what their primary love language is so you just pour all five on them, but with a little observation of their behavior we can begin to identify their primary love language rather early. Little things they do can clue you in to what their primary love language is.

Devin and Skyler are starting to show signs of what theirs are – at least what they are for now. Devin could care less if I hug and kiss him but he seems excited when I spend some time play-fighting or throwing a ball or just letting him ride in “the silver car” (he thinks our silver car is so cool – well it IS cooler than our minivan). I think his primary love language is quality time. Skyler seems to really want hugs and kisses from daddy, which just melts me, but I think she also really likes quality time. She wants me to be Prince Derek (Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princeses) and she is Geneveve (or however you spell it). It might take me a little while longer to pick out her primary love language.

It is very important to learn how to communicate love to your children in a language they understand. Experts believe that as children grow older they will seek love in inappropriate places if their emotional love tank is empty. In fact they believe that almost all sexual misconduct in adolescents is because they have empty love tanks.

In case you didn’t catch it the first time – It is very important to learn how to communicate love to your children in a langauge THEY UNDERSTAND. I’m praying now (while my kids are young) that I will learn to communicate love to my children in a way that fills THEIR emotional love tank. We can be the most loving parents in the world with sincere intentions (most parents are loving and sincere) but if we speak the WRONG love language we fail to make our children feel loved.

Words of Affirmation – When our kids are young we do this very well, “you’re so pretty” (even if they’re ugly they’re pretty to us), “you can do it” as they learn to walk, etc. etc… What happens though is as they get older our words turn to condemnation for failures rather than commending successes. This haunts us into adulthood and many adults have self-esteem issues because of this love language being violated when they were young. (This is a tough one for me with my own children. I have to be careful. My dad was pretty hard on me and sometimes I feel like I’m being even harder on my own kids. My parents didn’t have this book when I was little, so my dad didn’t know. Gary Chapman waited til I was 14 yrs old to write this book, and that’s about when my dad stopped reading and started slaving in the insurance business…anyway…my warped self is another story).

Quality Time – giving a child undivided attention. Get down on the child’s level and do kid stuff. As they get older and develop new interests you have to change to what their interests are. I was so excited when we signed Devin up for soccer this past fall. Well it turns out Devin either doesn’t like soccer or isn’t ready for it. As much as this pains me because I love soccer, I am going to have to go with the flow of whatever he is in to (which is him beating me up like a superhero on a bad guy most of the time). If quality time is a primary love language of your child you need to fill that need because if you don’t as they get older it will be too late. You’ll realize that it’s important one day only to find out they don’t want your time anymore – they’ve gone and filled that need with their peers (which will be other teens who probably don’t feel loved by their parents either – and what do they do together – inappropriate stuff).

Receiving Gifts – This one is spoken excessively a lot of the time – especially by grandparents or parents who happen to have money to blow. It’s easy for adults to think that giving toys and other gifts speaks love to their children or grandchildren, but it might not. Younger children will play with the box as much as the toy. But even older children will show you if a gift is important to them by how quickly they put the gift aside, or by how well they take care of it rather than abuse it. My kids are either too young to understand appreciating gifts or it is definitely not high on their love list because they abuse or lose everything I would expect them to cherish. My kids enjoy a trip to the only a dollar store to pick out five things each more than some of the really nice toys they’ve been given. That’s a good reminder that it’s the thought that counts to someone who’s primary love language is gifts. You don’t have to spend a lot of money, you can even make the gift. To someone who truly receives gifts as love they will be thrilled that you thought enough of them to give them anything special.

Acts of Service – We have to do this one as parents because when our kids are small they would die if we didn’t feed, bathe, dress, etc.. Most kids take stuff for granted even when they get older and the acts of service change to taxi and homework etc. But if your child is always expressing appreciation for these ordinary things that is a clue that acts of service is emotionally important to them. I took for granted when my dad fixed my bike then later my car, and my mom did everything for me. But now I appreciate acts of service more because it’s important to Shawna…

Physical Touch – This is important for all small children, but the hugging and kissing of a teenager will differ from that of an infant. A teenager might not want you loving on them in front of their peers but that doesn’t mean it isn’t important to them. If physical touch is a primary love language a teenager might do silly stuff like grab your arms or push you. I wasn’t like that with my mom. People used to comment about how I would put my arm around my mom or hug her when ever or where ever. They might have been making fun of me but I didn’t care cause. I took it as a compliment that I loved my mom so much…

This stuff is important – ok. Observe how your children show love. Listen to what they request of you and what they express the most appreciation for. These things give you clues about what their primary love language is. Remember that every child is different, so don’t make the common mistake of assuming the needs of one child are the same as the other. It’s worth working on this stuff so our kids can have full emotional love tanks and so they will be less likely to have issues when they get older. Well, maybe not MAJOR issues. We all have issues of some sort anyway – it’s inevitable.

Filed Under: Family, Reading, Relationships

It Sure Beats The "D" Word

February 9, 2007 by Leave a Comment

Divorce is referred to as the “D” word around our house, and when it even comes up it is usually because we’re concerned about someone we know. We never use the “D” word in the context of our relationship because IT IS NOT AN OPTION.

Most marriages go through a period of time, usually in the first year, where it is imperative to learn how to discuss differences, give constructive feedback without being condemning or demanding, and eventually it really helps to learn to speak each others primary love language. Then even when there are negative feelings between spouses they can make the choice to love in the right languages and prevent anger from turning in to hate which eventually leads to the “D” word.

In The Five Love Languages Dr. Chapman tells a story of a woman on the brink of divorce who asks him a loaded question: “Is it possible to love someone whom you hate?” The answer is basically YES. But you know I’m not going to leave it at that. There is more to say about it.

This passage might sound familiar from the bible:

Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you… Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even “sinners” love those who love them.

I think in the marriage context “your enemies” would be your spouse and Jesus himself is commanding us to love your enemies. Is it really possible though to love a spouse who might be expressing hate toward you or mistreating you??

This passage might also sound familiar:
Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

Is there a guarantee that principle will work to turn your relationship around? No, but generally speaking when we are kind and loving toward someone they will be kind and loving toward us. Manipulation doesn’t work, but God does. How big is your God? Are you torn between your religious belief that doing the “D” word would be wrong, and your emotional pain which is telling you the only thing to do is get out? To stay or to leave?? Both options will bring a great deal of pain.

Dr. Chapman did an experiment with the lady who asked him that tough question about love/hate. His hypothesis was that if her husbands deep emotional need for love was being met he would respond positively to her. All the initiative was in her hands – to find his love language and show him love even though she wasn’t feeling loved herself. In their case her husband wasn’t trying to save the marriage. She was, so she had to take the initiative. It could be the husband taking initiative in your case.

To shorten the story the experiment succeeded and the couple’s marriage was reborn. The husband responded just as they hypothesized and got on board with the 5LL principles. They told everyone they knew that Dr. Chapman is a miracle worker.

There were several specific examples in the story of things the lady had to do that would be helpful for you to read for yourself – chapter 12. But I’m going to simply share Dr. Chapman’s summary of the experiment so you can start trying it right away if you need to:

“Tell your spouse that you have been thinking about your marriage and have decided that you would like to do a better job of meeting his/her needs. Ask for suggestions on how you could improve. His suggestions will be a clue to his primary love language. If he makes no suggestions, guess his love languages based on the things he has complained about over the years. Then, for six months, focus your attention on that love language. At the end of each month, ask your spouse for feedback on how you are doing and for further suggestions.
Whenever your spouse indicates that he is seeing improvement, wait one week and then make a specific request. The reqeust should be something you really want him to do for you. If he chooses to do it, you will know that he is responding to your needs. If he does not honor your request, continue to love him. Maybe next month he will respond positively. If your spouse starts speaking your love language by responding to your requests, your positive emotions toward him will return, and in time your marriage will be reborn. I cannot guarantee results. But scores of people whom I have counseled have experienced the miracle of love.”

Sometimes I daydream about being as good as Dr. Chapman. Seriously, this information has made a huge difference in my own marriage, but I can’t get out of my mind that this information might have saved the marriage of someone close to me several years ago – if only they would have had the information.

You’ve read enough now to at least have enough information to work on it. So go love your spouse and get over some problems. At least try. It sure as heck beats the “D” word.

Filed Under: Reading, Relationships

Choosing To Love – It Matters

February 8, 2007 by Leave a Comment

Just a few more posts about the Five Love Languages. This one is a reminder that falling “in love” is an experience that doesn’t last forever and after that love is a choice.

We are creatures of choice. Therefore we have the capacity to make good or bad ones. Some marriages on the brink of divorce can be rescued by simply making the choice to love. Love can’t erase the past, but it can make the future brighter.

Meeting your spouse’s need for love is a choice. I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t agree with that statement – unless they are still having the “in love” experience. I’m not afraid to admit it and I know Shawna wouldn’t hesitate to tell you – love is a choice. The good thing is that almost never do both individuals in a relationship fall in or out of love on the same day, so if you choose to love on all the days you don’t feel in or out of love then one of you should always fel loved and you both should be able to make it together… Just think about that one for a minute, but if it’s too confusing read the book to clear it up – chapter ten.

What if the love language of your spouse is something that doesn’t come naturally to you? Get over it! Or should I say GET OVER YOURSELF! Really think about this. If somehting doesn’t come naturally to you but you do it anyway it is an even greater expression of love. Love is something you do for someone else, not for yourself.

If we didn’t do anything that doesn’t come “naturally” to us many of us would never even get out of bed in the morning. But we do get out of bed don’t we? Cause there is something worthwhile to do – like work to earn money. By the end of the day we’re glad we got up (at least most of the time). This is an example of action preceding emotion. Long lasting love is no different – you have to do it by choice before you realize the positive emotional reward.

Changing gears now… I know some guys that if they read this might be thinking “Does all this love stuff really matter as much as you’re making it out too?” You better believe it! All of us need security, self-worth, and significance. Love is a common contributor to all of those needs.

When you feel loved by someone there is a sense of security that they don’t mean you any harm. When you feel loved by someone your self-worth is increased because you feel you must be worth loving. When you feel loved by someone it makes you feel significant, and you are freed to develop your potential.

No, love is not the answer to everything. But it does make a difference. It makes it possible for you to get past your differences and live in harmony bringing out the best in each other. Love really does “make the world go round”.

Now we’ve talked about what all the 5LL are, how to identify yours and your spouses, the fact that you have to choose to do it and why it matters so much, but what if your relationship sucks so bad you hate each other? If you ever loved in the first place you’ll try Gary Chapman’s experiment that I’ll talk about in the next post.

Filed Under: Reading, Relationships
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