Mark Asbell - Mark Asbell

The Conflict of Cause

August 10, 2014 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

When two or more people share a common cause one of the most difficult conflicts is working through periods of doubt or frustration. We’ve all had, or will at some point have, our share of doubts in someone or something we once completely supported without question. The question is whether or not we’re willing to question the conflict or the cause.

The doubts stem from relevant fears and concerns about thought processes, motivations, methodology, theology, etc. None of us do everything perfect – we ALL make mistakes. We are human – immature, selfish, and prideful. We let secondary necessities overshadow primary objectives. We say and do some of the stupidest things, often hurting one another – regardless of our heart or intention.

Any healthy environment will allow for valid questioning that both challenge and encourage growth. But often valid questions are silenced with overbearing disdain or dismissal that inevitably leads to more doubt and more questions. Instead of embracing awkward conversations and fighting through messy situations, we become disunified to the point of reckless abandon.

Everyone is growing in different ways and at different rates of progress. When we see things differently than those around us, the choice we have to make is usually not whether or not we still share a cause. The choice is whether or not we’re willing to wait long enough to see our points of view realign and see the cause through, or whether or not the cause needs to be pursued through other avenues.

Filed Under: Personal Growth

Learning to Allow Faith to Overcome Fear

July 2, 2014 by Mark Asbell 2 Comments

What I’m about to share is a confession from the heart and very serious so I hope if you’re reading this you know me or get to know me well enough to understand. I’ve been living in fear for a long time, but not just any fear – and I’ve never opened my eyes to it or been willing to admit it. There aren’t many things that make me afraid. If you’ve ever ridden in an automobile with me you probably know the risk of death barely makes me flinch. So what I’m about to describe is a type of fear most men won’t talk about but I believe many of us share on some level.

For quite some time I thought my biggest fear was the fear of failure, particularly financial failure. I don’t want to fail as a husband, father, or friend, but I know what it feels like to be flat broke and I don’t ever want to go back. So I REALLY fear failing financially, but when I think about it that is really silly. I’m not REALLY afraid of being broke because I’ve been there and done that and it wasn’t so bad I couldn’t bear it. Don’t get me wrong – I will go to great length to avoid going broke ever again, but God brought us through it once and he could do it again. God provided for our basic needs when we were about to lose everything. I have no reason to fear being broke.

The past couple of years I’ve realized what I’ve really feared more is not financial failure. What I’ve been so afraid of is other people, and I’m realizing it is an easy trap for me to fall in to. It’s the fear of what others will think of me if I fail – by going broke or anything else. I don’t want others to know that I fail at being a perfect husband, father, friend, and business man – so I try to hide my weakness. I don’t want others to use and abuse my weaknesses, so I fearfully distrust. I don’t want to lose favor in the eyes of those with the power to hurt me or my family, so I refrain. Fear of going broke is just another symptom of the greater fear – what will people think if I do go broke again (as if anyone has complete control of every circumstance that could lead to going broke).

On the one hand I know it’s narcissistic for me to care what others think, and on the other hand I know it’s legitimate fear and worry for my family that depends on me. It’s a fear that stems from both pride and humility where faith is constantly tested. I’ve learned that this fear I have is the worst type there is – the fear of man. It’s a fear of people’s judgement and what choices they can make that affect my family. It’s a fear that is affirmed when nightmares become reality, or denied when dreams come true.

Fear does nothing to prevent being judged when we fail, and it does nothing to protect from those who impose their will on others. Fear is a self-preserving weakness. Self-preservation is completely counterproductive when it comes to keeping healthy relational balance, because where self-preservation trumps constructive conversation something is out of balance and ultimately everyone suffers.

We must look fear in the eye and defeat it by denying it a place in our mind and emotions. There’s no room for fear in a healthy relational perspective. There’s no room for fear in order to move forward. There’s no room for fear and faith at the same time. I’m learning to allow faith to overcome fear. It’s a daily struggle and I appreciate prayers.

Filed Under: Personal Growth Tagged With: discernment, fear, judgement

Beware of Scummy Advertising

June 17, 2014 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

One of the incredibly difficult first-world living conditions we deal with here in America is the constant inundation with advertising from every direction. In one way it is a great thing and in other ways it is terrible. Businesses have to make a buck, but not necessarily off of me. The trick is putting all things advertising through the filter of a well-tuned brain cell.

The following marketing and advertising are among the scummiest of all schemes, in my humble opinion formed by bad experience – of course.

“Come turn the key to see if you win a car” 😉

Surely I’m not the only person they send these to, so I’m sure you’ve received them to. Did you really go down there and turn the key? Really?? I wonder if they’ve ever REALLY given away a car. To the car dealership credit I have never tried this at the car dealership to see what would happen, but I have to imagine you receive one of the hardest sales pitches ever. I HAVE tried something very similar to this at a much more shady place than the car dealership, but I won’t go in to it as I still have scars from it (and that’s probably why I distrust these schemes).

The temptation an advertising strategy like this creates exists whether the sales pitch at the car lot is aggressive or not. That’s why they do it – to get us on their lot looking at the cars and feeling all tempted to buy one. Before we know it they’ve convinced us to finance something we never planned to buy, just because the payments were low, because we actually believed we were going to win that free car but when we didn’t they had a deal we could not miss. For the next 5-8yrs we get the monthly reminder of how stupid it was to think we were really going to win a free car without going to Wheel Of Fortune and winning the bonus round.

Here’s another one of my favorite hates of all time:

Somehow using these checks doesn’t feel as stupid as using the card.

Stupid checks like these ate my lunch more than once when I was so naive to believe I would be able to catch up to the debt problem I was creating. I did it more than once! (Talk about young and dumb). As if using checks like this didn’t burn me bad enough the first time I did it – I did it again. Instead of just throwing them away when they came in the mail I would put them to one side, “just in case we needed them”. The way we were snowballing stupid financial mistakes how would I not have a ‘just in case’ need?

I’ve never heard ANYONE testify of having a good experience after using these – EVER. There is a reason! People who are in a situation to need what these checks are designed to influence us to do are not people who have a great financial plan. When we’re in desperate financial situations we make terribly irrational decisions. Before we know it we have a maxed out balance at a ridiculous interest rate and struggle to make the minimum payments that will never go away as long as we’re only paying that amount.

So – next time you get this kind of crap in the mail do what I do. LOL – seriously, I laugh out loud. Then throw that crap away as fast as you can. Shred it, burn it, bury the ashes in mud and put a rock on top of the grave – a freakin boulder if you have to. Don’t leave any chance that advertisements like this could come back to haunt you.

Filed Under: Money

Happy Father’s Day 2014

June 15, 2014 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

So I was reading this incredible post by Shawna’s uncle, Mike, and thought to myself, “I should do a little Father’s Day post of my own.” The difference is, while Uncle Mile’s post is so beautiful and inspiring, I’m at a totally different stage in life with parenting (and anything else for that matter).

My kids are still young, completely dependent on Shawna and I, and constantly demanding on every single resource God makes available to us. Sometimes we don’t know if we’re coming or going, and we certainly can’t predict with precise accuracy what the next day will hold, but we’re doing everything we can to enjoy every minute of it.

Uncle Mike’s kids are grown. It would be naive of me to even hint at the idea of things being easier as kids are older and eventually all grown up. In fact I know it would be a stupid assumption even in my halfway-done-raising-kids experience. When our kids were babies their demands of us were very different than their demands now. I didn’t say easier – I said different.

Looking back at the past 11+ years of parenting there are so many things I don’t miss at all, and so many other things I would go back and do all over again. There are some things I wouldn’t change for anything and others I would do completely different. There are things I can’t believe we survived and others I can’t believe we were so blessed with. I can only imagine what the next 11+ years will hold, and I can’t help hoping at some point it seems easier. But I know it won’t be. It’ll just be different.

In the meantime I want to do the best I can now, enjoying every moment, loving and teaching our kids every chance I get, pointing them to God and encouraging, equipping, and empowering them to become who He created them to be and pursue what He created them to do. None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes and unfortunately hurt one another in the process. But regardless of where the journey takes us or how different it gets, as long as we’re alive we still have purpose as parents.

Much love to all the dads out there especially mine & Shawna’s. Father God help me as I’m still warping my kids in my own ways:

Filed Under: Family

Reflective Refining

May 30, 2014 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

Everyone goes through periods of time where they just need to step back, evaluate where they’ve come and where they’re going, and make adjustments. Often it takes just a moment. Sometimes it takes a few days. At least a few times in life it takes a few months or more depending on the circumstances. In recent months I’ve had one of those periods of time that has required lots of reflection. There were some welcome distractions from everything on my mind during this time, but I think I’m ready to get on with what I believe God wants me to do.

It’s always interesting for me to look back on experiences I’ve had to gain wisdom and understanding about how circumstances and relationships come and go and change along the way, and how all that influences my life in various ways – how it’s all connected. Some things are good and some are not so good, but we can at least have the peace of knowing that all things are according to God’s plan.

Through it all we have to choose how we’re going to respond to all circumstances and relationships that come our way – both the good and the not so good. Sometimes faith is humbly seizing the moment when things are going well and sometimes it’s humbly getting back up when things don’t go how we hoped they would.

Refusing to learn and change will make us repeat the same mistakes over and over but embracing change and learning from difficult seasons in life can open our future to new and better opportunities. How we refine our responses to life is part of God’s plan for our journey. As they always say at my church – the best is yet to come.

Filed Under: Personal Growth

God at Work

January 21, 2014 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

God at Work: Your Christian Vocation in All of Life by Gene Edward Veith Jr is one of my favorite books of all time. One of the most common questions Christians have is some variation of, “How do I know God’s will for my life?” That one question leads us to wondering how God is or isn’t using us. It leads us to thinking we have to be in a full time job (whether paid or volunteer) at a church in order to be ‘doing ministry’. It causes us to diminish the importance and impact we can have in ‘secular’ or ‘private sector’ jobs. That one question is all it takes to make us forget the fact that our everyday life is a constant opportunity to minister and have an impact for God.

In God at Work , Gene Veith teaches all about the doctrine of vocation. It is the idea that God is at work in all things and he chooses to work through human beings serving each other in ordinary life. There is a wealth of information in this book about the history and purpose of the doctrine of vocation, how it started and how it has changed. There is tremendous insight about how the doctrine of vocation is alive and applicable in so many different areas of our lives – at work, in the family, in citizenship, and at church. We all have more opportunity than we can imagine to serve our neighbor and experience the transforming presence of God through our everyday lives.

I give this book 5 stars and highly recommend it for everyone to read.

Filed Under: Business, Faith, Family, Personal Growth, Relationships

Discipline Leads to Peace

November 12, 2013 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

Anyone can create a plan for their finances, their fitness, their life… But only discipline can see the plan through to becoming reality. Disciplining ourselves is so difficult, so we need a constant reminder of why the discipline is worth it. Hebrews 12:11 says, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” I know this is referring to struggles against sin, but the principle applies in general.

We’re coming up on another New Year. That’s the time where everyone makes plans, or resolutions, of things they want to accomplish. It doesn’t matter how detailed those goals and plans are if there is no discipline to stick to them. I know I have been guilty countless times of falling off the discipline train. Life gets in the way or milestones are missed for reasons outside my control. Before I know it I’ve thrown my hands up in frustration and ultimately allowed a total lapse in discipline. By the time I acknowledge it there is little hope the goals can be met. If you’re human like me you can probably relate.

My plan for this coming year is to get my level of discipline back to where it once was in areas that I’ve allowed to slip. I will have goals. I will have detailed plans. But this time there will be more boundaries to prevent life from getting in the way, and when it does there will be more attention to adapting the plan and maybe even adjusting the goal.

Let’s stop allowing frustration to lead to lost hope. In order to experience the peace of knowing we’re fulfilling the plans God has for us we have to have the discipline he has called us to.

Filed Under: Faith, Personal Growth

How To Deposit Checks Made Out to Children

October 31, 2013 by Mark Asbell 2 Comments

Recently my son Devin had a check made out to him (as a gift), and I couldn’t remember exactly what the proper way to deposit it is for a young child who doesn’t have a bank account. So I looked up the following instructions that I thought might be useful to other parents:

Print the words “For Deposit Only” on the top of the back of the check. This endorsement restricts the check to only being deposited, not cashed.
Have your child print or sign their name on the check directly under the words “For Deposit Only”, but if your child is too young to sign their own name then write the word “By:” and sign your name with the word “Parent” right after.
If your child was able to sign their name then sign your name directly underneath your child’s printed or signed name. This will endorse the check over to you so that you can deposit it into your bank account.

Of course it’s always a good idea to check with your financial institution for specific guidelines.

Filed Under: Family, Money

Church Marketing – Profit or Truth

October 23, 2013 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

There seems to be differences of opinion among Christians and church leaders about the subject of church marketing and the idea of “selling Jesus for profit.” One side of the argument is all about any and all fresh new marketing and sales techniques to draw people in and sell the hope, love, and forgiveness we all have through Jesus Christ. The other side of the argument is all about letting the gospel speak for itself without so much focus on profit or numbers.

Of course both sides want to keep it about the main thing – reaching people for Jesus, but both sides are throwing stones (which Jesus would have frowned on). The “profit” side accuses the “truth” side of being irrelevant, or even dead, or some other harsh judgement of ministry effectiveness. The “truth” group accuses the “profit” group of selling Jesus as a product rather than a savior – being driven by fame and fortune driven rather than Jesus.

I’ve listened to both sides and actually gone to their churches to experience the differences in how they both do ministry. It doesn’t take long to notice that both sides have valid claims about each other. There are churches that seem irrelevant and dying, and there are churches who seem more concerned about profit than people. The question I have is whether or not anyone who speaks up is examining their own hearts about the matter and using discernment to guide a productive conversation rather than allowing judgement to become condemnation.

Do we really believe the churches who don’t focus on marketing are ALL irrelevant and complacent? Do we really believe the churches who do focus on marketing are ALL profit driven with no real concern for souls? Of course not – both of those are extreme. But are we making broad statements that throw everyone on either side into the same bucket of badness? Absolutely.

I personally believe the public back and forth about church marketing is ridiculous. Churches need to make a profit so that there are more financial resources to do more ministry, and it is not wrong for church leaders (AND STAFF) to be blessed financially. Churches need to keep the heart of the ministry about the gospel and teaching truth even when it doesn’t sell books or tickets to the next popularity contest. The good news is there is a way everyone can help each other do both profit and truth better. Start by stopping the fighting.

If we truly are concerned that a particular church or leader is failing in any way shouldn’t we reach out to help them, encourage them, or challenge them? Shouldn’t we be able to do that in a loving way? Can’t we do it privately? If we truly are concerned about our own church and how we lead shouldn’t we be willing to reach out for others help and constructive feedback? Shouldn’t we be willing to listen? Can we swallow our pride?

Stop and challenge your self the next time you hear a debate, or think an argumentative thought of your own, about whether or not a church’s marketing is motivated by profit or truth. Is the heart behind your thoughts motivated by selfish desire to somehow be right or recognized, or do you truly just want to further God’s kingdom by strengthening His church.

Filed Under: Business, Faith, Personal Growth

Governomics Isn’t Working

October 21, 2013 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

When I was broke I did the same thing the government is doing – kept adding to the debt and consolidating loans and eventually I was unable to borrow more, then unable to pay, then almost lost everything. We had to change our lifestyle drastically for quite some time to correct the problem. If we had done it sooner it would have been a lot less painful. But at least we didn’t wait any longer than we did – that would have been disastrous.

If we think our economy has been tough the last several years we need to imagine how bad it’s gonna be when other countries are no longer willing to lend to us. Imagine how bad it’s gonna be when we can’t pay all the bills we owe to those countries. Now imagine how much worse it’s gonna be the longer we wait to stop borrowing and cut spending.

How many national parks will have to be closed? How many furloughs will have to be mandated? What programs will they finally decide to cut or manage more diligently? What entitlement programs will they finally decide to steward more wisely? How many jobs will be lost in that process? How much higher are taxes going to go in that process?

I’m no economic genius but I don’t think it takes one to see our governomics ain’t working. Our governomics budget hasn’t REALLY been balanced in decades. Robbing from funded programs to “balance” the budget doesn’t work without adequately cutting or killing the robbed programs. When my family has to rob from our vacation fund (social security for example) to pay for an emergency (war on terrorism for example) then we have to either delay vacation long enough to replenish those funds or we have to cancel the vacation indefinitely. What we don’t do is try to fund everything using debt we hope to repay. Hope doesn’t pay bills.

Our governomics hasn’t addressed the poor spending behavior that has gotten us into this position. When my family has to decide between eating out every night or getting to have a nice vacation we have to choose which one is more important.

Unfortunately the approach our government has been taking just continues to produce the same results – it’s the ole insanity thing – “continuing to do the same thing and expecting different results.” The band aids aren’t working. It’s time to rip (not slow peel) the band aid off and take drastic measures stop the bleeding so our economy can begin to heal. Governomics doesn’t work for individuals and it won’t work for our country. It’s time to go further than the “change” politicians promise. It’s time to TRANSFORM our country by getting rid of governomics and start using the peoplenomics that apply in the real world the majority of us live in.

Filed Under: Misc, Money