10 Ways To Be a Real Man

Years ago I sent an email to my son, knowing that one day he would be given access to that email account, and hoping that email would be a valuable lesson for him. I don’t recall where I read this, but I’ve been delighted to now know that my inclination about it was right, because my 13-almost-14 year old son not only loves the lesson, he has been sharing it with his friends.  When I mentioned my delight on FACEBOOK some folks were interested in knowing what the lesson was, so here it is:


Hey Son,

In a world where there’s mixed messages about what it means to be a real man I want to help you learn the truth.

There are three false ideas of masculinity: athletic ability, sexual conquest, and wealth accumulation. Instead, true masculinity is defined by two principles. One is relationships…to love and be loved by your family. The other is to live for a purpose bigger than yourself.

Here are the some things you need to know about true manhood:

  • Being a gentleman is still worth the effort:
    • Hold the door.
    • Stand up when a woman leaves or joins the table.
    • Walk on the “splash” side of the sidewalk.
    • Attempt (gently) to pick up the tab.
    • Go get the car when it’s raining.
    • Offer your hand…
  • At the same time, be respectful: All the above “gentlemanly” actions must be offered subtly, and  – if necessary – set aside graciously when refused.
  • Take responsibility: In a word (well, two), “step up.” True manhood takes responsibility for its actions, choices, values and beliefs. And – while taking responsibility, manhood is also willing to admit – with grace – when it is wrong.
  • Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable: Real strength allows other people in. Manhood is honest about feelings and not afraid to be known. True manhood never builds a wall where there should be a window, or a fortress where there should be a sanctuary.
  • Actually “being” a man is more important than “talking” like one: Real men don’t just stand up and speak up – they “put up” too. Loud talk and tough posturing don’t cut it. True manhood involves finding a need and doing something about it. Real men don’t complain about social problems – they go out and do something about them. Real men don’t point fingers – they work for solutions. Real men get calluses on their hands – not from flapping their lips.
  • Listen respectfully, disagree politely and never exclude women from conversation: True manhood is inclusive. It may be strong, but it’s unfailingly polite. Men who equate bluster or machismo with strength are typically covering something up. Men who think women have nothing to contribute to the conversation need to wake up and smell the 21st Century.
  • Love is stronger than muscles: True manhood understands that brute force is less compelling than self-giving love. The best solutions to difficulties involved applied love.
  • The first shall be last: True manhood puts others first. Jesus is quoted more than once as saying something like this: If you want to be a leader, then the place to be is on your knees, with a towel in your hand, washing someone’s feet.
  • Manhood is – sometimes – more about what you could do but didn’t than what you could have avoided but did anyway: There’s a lot of restraint – a great deal of “Quiet Strength” in true manhood. Real men tend to always have something in reserve.
  • True manhood is more about giving than about getting: Our culture often touts a “men see what they want, then they go out and get it” view of manhood. But true manhood is more along the lines of “see what the world needs, then go out and do it.” Strength leveraged for the benefit of others.

I want you to know I’m here to help you understand these things and make them a part of the man you’re meant to be.

I love you,




Halftime 2016

So, if you’re like me, at the beginning of the year, you set out to accomplish some particular goals this year. For most of us somewhere in the middle of February we start really slipping on those goals, getting behind, maybe even losing hope that we’ll be able to reach them. That’s unfortunate, though, because time and time again people who consistently reach their goals attribute their success to simply being disciplined and determined no matter what, even when things aren’t going well.

How are you doing? Are you reaching those fitness goals, financial goals, family and career goals? It’s very difficult, I know. If you’re like me there are some goals you’re making great progress toward, others not so much, and some not at all. It can be so demotivating to think about the failures, so I want to encourage you.

Whatever it is you’re striving to accomplish is not what defines you. Whatever it is that is holding you back from accomplishing everything you’ve set out to do is not what controls you. Unless you have quit God is not done yet. So don’t.

Maybe whatever you’re aiming for will take longer than you thought. Maybe the target will change a little bit. What are you learning in the process? Who are you becoming? What halftime adjustments are you going to make to keep working toward those goals?

It’s only halftime. There’s still time, and God is still capable of doing miracles on our behalf. Go do what you do.

When Feeling It Is Too Late


For years my financial friends and I have beaten our heads against the wall over and over again because of one simple question: “What do we do to teach young people how to start off on the right track with money earlier rather than later?”  It sounds like a simple question, but it is complicated as…well, it’s just very complicated.  But I can’t let it go.  I have to do something.

The idea is to help young people avoid the mistakes many of us make as we enter adulthood clueless about money because we know that avoiding those mistakes can set people up for accelerated success in life.  I know the argument against this idea.  “Kids aren’t interested in learning about money because they don’t have any”, or, “they don’t have any responsibility yet”, or, “they don’t want to hear about it.”  I’ve got a response to all of that, but first I’ll agree with the fact that many people, maybe even most, are still going to have to learn the hard way.  For whatever reason they won’t listen, or they’ll disregard the timeless wisdom, or they’ll simply make mistakes.  We all make mistakes, just some of us worse than others.

Now for my responses to those typical reasons why we shouldn’t bother teaching young people about money:

Do we give teens a license and keys to a car without making them first prove they know how to drive?  Do we give them a gun without teaching them how to shoot it, a knife without showing them how to handle it safely?  I know those are extreme leading questions, so how about one a little less dramatic.  Does the YMCA let kids go down the water slide just because they want to, or do they make them prove they can swim so they don’t drown?  Why do we reason that it’s ok to let young people mismanage money to the point of drowning in debt before we teach them how to swim?

It isn’t a matter of whether or not they have any money.  They WILL have money one day, and that day might come sooner if we teach them how to be trusted with money.

It isn’t a matter of whether or not they have responsibility.  They WILL have responsibilities one day (unless they’re never expected to grow up and move out), and again that day might come sooner if we teach them that earning trust with money requires responsibility.

It isn’t a matter of whether or not they want to hear it.  They don’t want to hear “save sex for marriage” either, but we tell them to anyway.  It’s a matter of telling them what they NEED to hear, not just what they WANT to hear.

Let me be clear that I completely understand learning financial management is not as high a priority for teens as other issues are, such as actually having a relationship with Jesus, developing the discipline to follow Him, dealing with peer pressure, sexual temptation, drugs, depression, etc etc etc.  There’s a long list of things that I’ve heard referred to as “felt” needs for teens, meaning those needs are much more pressing matters in the present than something that’s in the future.  Trust me, I get it.  Believe it or not, I was a teen once upon a time, and with young teens of my own, I’m seeing their struggles more every day.  BUT, that doesn’t make learning to manage money any less important, and it certainly doesn’t  mean I’m leaving my kids’ knowledge of money management to chance.

The problem with waiting to address issues when they’re “felt” needs is that by the time most things are a “felt” need it is already too late.  They’re already having sex.  They’re already giving in to peer pressure.  They’re already playing around with drugs.  They’re already suffering from depression, etc etc etc.

I recently asked an actual college student when he thought is the right time to make sure students are taught financial management.  He said, “No later than junior or senior year in high school, because if you wait any longer than that it’s probably too late for most people (because of the student loans, credit cards, and for some even car loans that students begin to pile on in college).”  So basically even this young man in that stage of life understands that it is better to be equipped to make wise decisions before being in the stage of life rather than being told later on that the decisions they’ve already made are a problem.  These young people aren’t stupid, and they don’t appreciate being treated like they are.  If they’re like me they’ll one day reach a point in their life where they ask the question, “Why didn’t anyone teach us this stuff in school or why didn’t our parents teach us, OR why couldn’t they teach us this stuff at church?”

If we would talk about money with young people more, I guarantee many of them understand the “felt” need more than we give them credit for, because they’ve watched their parents suffer through one of the toughest economic recessions in history.  I guarantee they would understand that waiting until financial management is a “felt” need typically means someone is already in way over their head in debt and other poor financial choices and habits.  But they won’t understand that if we aren’t talking about it.

Teaching our kids about money is part of our responsibility as parents, as the ones gifted with the opportunity to disciple our kids to be the best living example of Jesus they can be to the world who needs hope.  My kids accepted Jesus as Lord and savior at an early age and adopted the belief that God’s word is truth that provides guidance for how we live our life.  I want them to understand ALL of God’s principles so they can apply them to how they live at any stage of life.

I am far from a perfect parent.  My wife and I are struggling every day to raise our kids the way we feel God has called us to.  The last thing I want to do is come across like I’m some sort of parenting expert.  But please hear me out.  We do everything we can to not only recognize what our kids are dealing with now but to also look ahead and see what they’re going to be dealing with next.  We know there are multiple stages and phases of life for our kids, and we don’t want to be so overwhelmed with fixing what’s now that we can’t prepare them for what’s next.

Teaching young people about money is also part of our responsibility as a church.  It pains me, literally drives me nuts, that we as a church, in general, are sending young people off into the “real world” to earn and manage money on their own with little to no knowledge of financial stewardship.  I know that regardless of what we might teach them they’re going to make mistakes, but they might make fewer or less severe mistakes if we taught them.  I know that generally speaking there are so many young people that need to be reached with the gospel that it doesn’t make sense to teach them financial stewardship.  But what about the hundreds of thousands of them who DO claim to follow Jesus but they’re living according to the world instead of the word with regard to money?  THOSE are the ones we’re called to disciple, as a church, to not only proclaim the gospel but to also live by the word of God in a way that makes their example a proclamation of the gospel.

We all know that God fearing people raised in church are usually more likely to be moral and productive citizens as adults.  Yet it is no secret in church-world that “the last thing people typically surrender to God is their wallet”.  We’ll lie, cheat, steal, and murder before we’ll surrender that to God.  It is astounding that we don’t see the correlation more clearly.  Lack of surrender in one thing leads to lack of surrender in all things.

Do we really believe as a church that we learn that sinful lack of financial surrender as adults?  Do we really believe that the only way to change that sinful lack of surrender is to wait until it is a “felt” need?

It is time to start instilling the discipline and direction all Christians need to fulfill our purpose in Christ earlier in our walk with Him rather than later.  There is no better time to build that foundation for early age Christians than when we are young and don’t yet have the obstacles of adult responsibilities to constantly challenge our faith and compromise our complete surrender.  It is time to stop being so satisfied with “it’s never too late” and be more excited about “it’s never too early.”  The “never too late” mentality is for people who are ok with being late to start with.  The “never too early” is for people who know the power of having a head start.

Anything built on a foundation that has huge gaps in it will be weak when storms come over time.  What if the fire and desire young Christians have for pursuing Jesus is coupled with discipleship that builds a strong and complete foundation for their faith to grow on?  Imagine the impact Christians can have over the course of their life if their foundation of faith is complete with financial stewardship from the beginning rather than being burdened with filling the gap when it becomes a problem.

Every now and then we hear a story of a small group of youth taking steps to sacrifice their own financial needs or desires in order to provide a blessing to others.  What if instead of hearing about only a small few we started seeing the movement of many in that direction?  What if instead of only a select minority of wealthy young people learning to manage money well into early adulthood we saw an entire generation of young people already free from financial pitfalls and poised to change the world?

The current generation of young people making their way into adulthood and taking on the “real world” is a generation that is passionate about doing things that make a difference.  They care about causes that make the world a better place.  But they are just as clueless about financial stewardship as the generation before them and the generation before them and the generation before them, all the way up to the current baby boomers who are retiring broke.  The rising generation will have an exponentially greater impact if we teach them to be better financial stewards sooner.

I’m not sure what else can be said to make this point more clearly.  We can agree that teaching financial stewardship to entire youth groups might not be the most pressing need in general.  But for the young people claiming to follow Jesus, there is no reason to wait because being a Christian includes being a financial steward.  It’s up to us to equip them for the road that lies ahead.  They might not be ready to apply it now, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t give them what they need to apply it later.

The greatest challenge my financial friends and I have had over the years is not the challenge of making money management interesting or relevant to young people.  It isn’t the challenge of helping young people see the need in their future.  The greatest challenge we’ve faced is getting the adults making decisions about what the young people are taught to provide the opportunity for them to hear.  Parents obviously aren’t doing a great job teaching it.  Schools barely teach it or don’t at all.  The same is true of colleges and universities.  And then there’s the church, the one collective group of people that has the most timeless financial wisdom in the world, the best money book ever written, the Bible.  But we are only teaching financial stewardship when it’s too late.  As a brother in Christ, I ask you, what can we do to change that?

What Do You Do?

Today, 6/1/16, is one year since I started my current full time job.  Happy work anniversary to me, said no one, and I really don’t care.  Some might call me frustrated, some might say I lack faith, and others might think I have mental problems.  All might be correct.  Regardless of the reason for my thoughts and attitudes this one year milestone in my current full time employment has brought to mind the fact that probably my least favorite question in the history of questions is, “What do you do?”  Why is that so annoying you ask?  Well – that’s what I want to explain.

When I hear the question, “What do you do?”, I want to know why they are asking, because the why determines the what I want to share.  I do lots of things.  Are they talking about fun stuff or work stuff?  I can do lots of different fun things as well as lots of different work things, and sometimes they’re both, but if we’re all honest fun and work are usually totally separate things.  I’ll talk about either one, but wouldn’t anyone rather talk about the fun stuff than the work stuff if given the choice?  The sad thing, in my opinion, is that no one ever asks, “What do you do?”, to hear about the fun stuff.  They want to know the work stuff.

So my mind skips past fun and on to work, but I’m still not sure why they’re asking.  Are they someone who values or respects people with certain ‘status’, jobs, positions, or titles in a way that shows preferential treatment?  I do not want to play any form of that game.  Are they genuinely interested in learning more about me and the type of work I do?  That seems ok, but it’s so surface level.

In the spirit of being cordial I almost always get past all my inhibitions and simply play along.  “I’m in sales”, I say, followed by, “in the visual communications industry.  Basically I help retail companies and brands with their point of purchase signage, displays, and merchandising solutions.”  It’s what I’ve done for the past 12 years, full time at least.  If the person asking seems genuinely interested I might add that I’ve been involved in a lot of business and ministry endeavors over the years ‘on the side’ or ‘as a volunteer’.  There might be some mention of my passion for helping people with financial management.  I might even explain my belief in the multi-vocational approach to life.

How deep that conversation goes depends on how much I believe the person really wants to know, understand, maybe even accept about me.  Becuase I don’t want people to identify me as ‘what I do’ as much as I want them to know who I really am.  I hope to reflect the God that gives me purpose, the principles that guide my values, and the passions that drive my focus.

We can talk about one year at the current employer or 11 years at the previous or the three year employer before that doing something completely different, or the two or four or five years here and there doing one side thing or another.  But who I am and who I’m becoming is far more interesting than what I’m doing at any moment or in any season of life.  The same is true for you.  So I hope you have opportunities to get real with people in your life and share the ‘who you are’ and ‘who you’re becoming’, because life is too short to only have ‘what do you do’ relationships.

So on this day that marks a milestone it’s not that I just don’t care about what I’m doing.  I just care more about becoming who God wants me to be so that no matter what I do I serve Him better every day.

Do We Truly Care About Sharing God’s Love?

fake-genuineServing people is hard work. It can be exhausting mentally, emotionally, and even physically. Current culture teaches us that unless we somehow protect ourselves from the taxing effects of serving people then we might burn out. The unfortunate result of that mentality is many people are “serving” without really caring.

Let me explain what I mean. You love Jesus, love His church, love your particular church family (community of people you gather with at a place of worship). You love all that so much you undoubtedly feel the burden, the calling, to serve in ministry.

Whether it be as a volunteer or a career you set out to fulfill the call on your life to serve God by serving others. You’re all excited to see people’s lives changed. You quickly get involved in whatever area of ministry it may be – greeting people as they arrive at church, ushering people to a seat, praying with people, watching and teaching their children – whatever your area of gifting has you doing. You’re loving it – being there caring for people through their good bad and ugly is all worth it to see the work of God first hand and be a part of it.

Pretty soon you and those you serve with realize the demand is greater than the supply. It becomes apparent that as you serve and care for people it is impossible to be as involved in each persons’ journey as you started out being in the beginning. It requires so much time, emotional and even physical energy. So programs and processes are developed in hopes that more people will be served with added efficiency.

It works for a while until efficiency reaches a tipping point where processes begin trumping the actual caring for people. Processes work great for dealing with products or objects as the subject of the process, but it’s much more tricky when the subjects are people. You see people are not as easily controlled or manipulated as products are. People have a choice of what they are subject to. When they are subject to an environment that isn’t providing the love and care they need then they leave to find it elsewhere.

That is the problem I’m describing when I reference “serving” without really caring. Any of us who have served more than a minute in ministry have experienced a moment where it felt more like going through the motions than loving devotion. So how do we overcome the dilemma of serving more people without losing the genuine care?

Well there seems to be a lot of emphasis lately on doing things as part of our serving and our process that can make people “feel” cared for. I understand the intent and admit what I’m about to say might seem picky. But what if instead of thinking about how to make people “feel” cared for we stopped and took the time to understand what it would take for us to get back to actually caring?

What if we challenged more people to step up and care? What if instead of focusing so much on how we can care for more people we focused on how we care more for the people we can? What if instead of only celebrating how many people we churn through our processes we also celebrate the people who become developed and equipped to begin sharing the burden of truly caring for others outside of the processes?

I hope and pray we all can see the eternal implications of how we share Gods love. Feelings are fleeting, but truly experiencing God’s love is eternal. If we’re to be vessels God uses to show His love to others we have to stop acting like we care to make people feel like we do. We have to take action because we care and the truth of God’s love in us will show through. Go read 1 John 3:16-18 and be encouraged to do something heartfelt today. Don’t do it because someone told you to or asked you to or notices what you do. Do it because you simply and truly do care.

Money Management Marathon – Part 3 – Embrace the Present

A first time marathon runner’s account of his experience details how he had to keep his focus on one step at a time to finish the race:

“On the way up this long hill between miles 20-22, I began to see fellow racers struggling. Some of them began to stumble and fall back while others had to drop out completely…”

The runner also stated that he knew there would be another difficult hill between miles 23-25, and he began worrying about whether or not he would be able to make it. As soon as the runner started worrying about what was down the road he started losing focus on taking the steps right in front of him. He recalls zoning out for a period of time:

“I have no idea how I lost the memory of miles 22-24… I finally knew I was going to finish. Until that point, I wasn’t sure if I could do it or not. But, at that moment, I knew, and I was filled with a calm and a joy that only those that have been there can possibly understand. I was going to finish a marathon, and there was absolutely nothing that could stand in my way.”

How was he able to zone out for 2 miles of the race? His training kicked in and he was on autopilot. His discipline was paying off. He also mentioned people who passed him, but all he could do is shrug it off and keep moving forward. He didn’t lose his mind and start trying to keep up with them. He was content to finish the race at his own pace. All he had to do in that moment was take one step at a time – embrace the present.

Managing money almost always feels like a marathon, and the reality of life is the money marathon never really ends until we die. The challenge we all face in finishing well financially is being prepared for the future without worrying in the present. Preparing involves awareness, discipline and contentment. Worrying involves fear.

Matthew 6:25-27 reminds us that we shouldn’t worry about what we have or don’t have now or in the future because it has no bearing on whether or not God will provide what we need to fulfill his purpose for us. All we can control is our discipline, our contentment, and our belief that God will give us at least what we need in the future; that shouldn’t be so hard to believe since we already have what He’s given us to take one step at a time in the present.

What are your worries and fears about the future of your finances?  How do you overcome those worries and fears to continue taking one step at a time?

Money Management Marathon – Part 2 – Embrace Contentment

Every distance runner knows that maintaining pace is critical. Good distance runners know when they should hold their pace steady and when they should push it faster. Based on their countless hours of training they know what their rhythm of energy is and how they perform in varying conditions.

It does no good to push the pace to the first place position only to pass out short of the finish line. Marathon runners know that no matter who is doing better than them or how bad they want to win, finishing the race is more important than how well they place. One of the things I admire about the running community, in general, is the attitude of finishing over winning. If you win, great. If you finish, you’re part of a community that is content with finishing and supportive of one another.

I’m not a great distance runner. My idea of running a race is sprinting 50-100 yards. In school, I played sports that involved sprinting more than pacing. So I’m still trying to get better at distance running.

When I’m on a run or in a distance event with friends I tend to try and compensate for my lack of training by making up time on the downhill sections of a run. They always warn me, “You might think that is a good idea but you’ll realize how much energy you’re spending when you get to the next uphill.” They’re right every single time. I have yet to figure out how to control my pace and build up my endurance to a sustainable level that helps me win, but I’ve learned to be content with finishing.

The way we manage money should be a lot like the way marathon runners manage their pace. We might not have everything we want or do better than anyone else, but we all should be content. There will without a doubt be good times and bad in our finances, and how much it affects us depends greatly on the state of contentment in our mind.

Philippians 4:12-13 teaches us to be content whether we have plenty or not, and that the way we have that contentment is to trust God the provider. The problem is we get ourselves so worked up with wanting more and more for pleasure, comfort, or comparison. We allow the marketing of our consumer driven culture to control our level of peace and contentment with the constant reminders of what we don’t have. This is a struggle for us all W.ether we’re savers or spenders, we never seem to be content with what we have whether it’s savings or stuff.

It’s time to make peace with our own pace and be content with what we have (Hebrews 13:5). The best way to increase our contentment here on earth is to increase our belief in and desire for treasure in heaven (Matthew 6:19-21).

Money Management Marathon – Part 1 – Embrace Discipline

If you’ve ever known someone who has finished a marathon you might have an idea of what extreme discipline looks like. Marathon runners consistently train with high levels of intentional planning and diligence. They begin a training regimen months ahead of a race or event, and they have to stick to the plan to finish the race well.

A few years ago my wife and I ran a half marathon. When we signed up for the event we had a plan to train very consistently and diligently, but along the way my wife got sick. While she wasn’t feeling well we fell off the training regimen and never fully got back on it. Needless to say, race day was painful. We did manage to finish, but not nearly as well as we might have had we persevered through the training. It wasn’t that we finished slow. It was we finished extremely sore.

There are many areas of life that we have to develop discipline for in order to finish well as God calls us to. Hebrews 12:1-11 teaches us to overcome everything that hinders us and to run with perseverance the race set out before us. One of the many challenges of life we have to learn to persevere is managing finances.

Overcoming challenges in our finances is much easier when we train with discipline to manage money according to God’s instructions. Our future performance in the race of life depends on how disciplined we are today. Here are a couple of things we can all do to be more disciplined in how we manage money:

Have a budget, and stick to it. Proverbs 21:5 says, “The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.” This is a simple instruction to have a plan (aka budget). Simply spend less than you make and include giving and saving in the plan. The trick to budgeting is not the math. It’s the discipline.

Give, save, and spend wisely. We all know we’re called to be generous and I believe most of us truly have the desire to be, but so often we fall short in saving and spending wisely and create a cycle of scarcity that hinders our generosity. We can never stress enough the importance of saving and spending wisely. Keep this verse in mind as you practice the daily discipline of saving and spending wisely. Proverbs 21:20 says, “The wise store up choice food and olive oil, but falls gulp theirs down.” We can’t continue to consume everything we have and not save for whatever God’s future plans for us may hold.

Hebrews 12:11 says, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” When it comes to finances that righteousness and peace comes in the form of generosity and contentment that are developed over time as we are daily disciplined in our management of money.

How are you doing staying disciplined and sticking to a monthly plan for your finances?

All Inclusive Budget Tool

Today I’m excited to share a new tool with anyone who it might help with the task of managing finances.

Proverbs 21:5 simply states “The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.” That very clear verse is one of many instructions in the bible that is a basis for our belief that we should have a plan for our finances. It is the basis for budgeting.

I believe one very important detail that is missing from many peoples’ plan is the diligence of tracking the performance of the plan – or the execution. It’s important to know exactly how our plans are working so we know whether or not the plan needs to be tweaked or our behavior needs to be modified. Telling every dollar where to go on paper is only as effective to our financial progress as our actual telling every dollar where to go in reality, and the only way to know if we’re doing a good job is to diligently track that reality. Nothing is more frustrating about financial planning than having a plan and wondering why it isn’t working.  Unless there is a measurement of execution we can’t identify problems with the plan.

There are many tools in the form of softwares or apps available for budgeting and tracking reality. However, many of the people we coach are not using those tools, and when we were hitting rock bottom with our finances we weren’t either. The most effective method of managing financial details for my family and many others has been to simply use a spreadsheet. The only problem is there aren’t many spreadsheets out there that offer a great way to track actual performance along with the budget. For years myself and many other financial coaches using spreadsheets have not had a great way to also coach people to track transactions without referring them to some other app they’re not likely to use. A couple of years ago I posted a solution to this problem, and now it’s getting upgraded, but it is still as simple as a spreadsheet.  Here it is:

All Inclusive Budget Tool (click to download)

There are instructions (that will probably change along the way) inside the spreadsheet. There are extra sheets for tracking debt snowball progress, another for the impact of interest on debt, and others for non-monthly expense planning, and another for mini-budget (special occasion planning). I’ve been calling this an all-inclusive tool because it truly does give most people a place to manage the most common financial details. My hope and prayer is that it serves you well in planning and diligence.

Expressing Conviction Without Casting Condemnation

1 Peter 3-15

More than a decade ago John Maxwell was already saying, “We live in an age of tolerance, where protecting feelings is more highly valued than proclaiming the truth. People look with suspicion upon anyone who desires to influence others to embrace their beliefs.”  Now that observation is more obvious than ever.

Take a look at the media, particularly social media, and how polarizing coverage of any issue has become.  You can’t say or write anything about your belief in anything without it being interpreted as intolerant of someone – racist, sexist, bigot.  Anything you say might be considered a personal attack intended to hurt someone’s feelings.  There is no consideration of the idea that you’re not trying to force your belief on anyone else.  There is no consideration to the idea that you might be merely stating the obvious about something, because if it isn’t politically correct you should not say it at all.  Asking people to consider your point of view, or belief, is not considered civil anymore. 

Somehow anyone with a convicting belief in anything has become categorized a caster of condemnation that must be silenced.  Sometimes those who ride the fence on every issue are the most damning of everyone – ridiculing anyone who speaks up from either side of a topic.  At least the ones who don’t agree have something to disagree on and aren’t just sticking their spoon in the pot to stir up animosity without cause. 

I recently heard a friend say that it takes a certain level of narcissism to speak up about anything – a level of selfish belief that what you have to say should actually be heard.  I have to agree – we all have a level of narcissism that we should be keenly aware of and careful with.  That friend also said the problem with ego isn’t that we all have one it’s that sometimes we forget we have one and it gets out of control.  For those in the middle to be so vocal is probably more narcissistic than the polar opposites to be so intolerant of each others’ point of view.  

Why do we even have “polar” opposites?  Those who can’t share their beliefs without bullying those who don’t adopt it are basically ruining the image of everyone else who does share their belief.  No one is helping anyone consider changing their point of view when everything one says is with a disgustfully hateful tone and attitude.    When we allow the weakness of a few on either side of a conversation to define our perception of everyone in the conversation a divisiveness develops into rampant rage that eventually destroys us all. 

I choose not to participate in such barbaric behavior. When I express a belief my true intention is to offer the opportunity for others to consider that belief and whether they do or don’t is up to them and I don’t love them any differently either way because I believe as Jesus did in loving all people.  Even as he was crucified he didn’t cast insulting comments.  He didn’t reciprocate condemnation for condemnation even when He was fully capable of dealing ultimate damnation.  Instead He simply prayed, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do”.  

My prayer is that my Christian brothers and sisters will join me in making every effort to be more like Jesus.  To stop participating in the divisive debating that continually corrodes and ever erodes our very ability to behave civilly – to have conversations that challenge us to think deeper than ourselves and force us to deepen our relationship with Christ to dependence on Him rather than mere belief in Him – to have His goodness and greatness far outshine our self righteousness.  My prayer is that we choose words that communicate our conviction without casting condemnation, and that those who hear us out will be able to tell the difference.  

1 Peter 3:15 – “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect”