Standing Up to Bullies

January 21, 2015 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

It seems bullying is getting a lot of attention these days. We’ve experienced it a little with our kids. The whole idea of bullying wasn’t getting so much attention wayyy back when I was a youngster, but it’s not like bullying is a new thing.

I think the biggest problem is kids aren’t being taught to stand up for what is right. We’re teaching our kids tolerance of everything and then wondering why no one stands up to the bullies of the world. We model for our kids an unwillingness to stand up for ourselves or someone else because of the fear of what our actions might cost us.

The root of this problem, and many other problems in life, is selfishness. The bully is a selfish person, obviously, and I don’t want to get in to all the possible reasons why. The bottom line is bullies, and lots of other types of narcissist behaviors, all boil down to being selfish.

But isn’t it just as selfish to be aware of bullying and fail to address it? The right thing to do would be to try and stop the bullying. But we’re more concerned about what doing the right thing might cost us than we are about doing the right thing. We’re willing to sacrifice a lifetime of building the character and integrity it takes to do the right thing more than we are willing to sacrifice whatever temporary consequences another person can inflict upon us. This self-preserving mentality is passed on to our kids and they either get bullied or ignore someone else getting bullied, so bullying continues.

There’s a saying, “Nice guys finish last”, and I believe the reason that proves true is because there aren’t enough generally good and nice people willing to stand up for what is right and get back up when a bully knocks them down. What do we have to be afraid of? I’d rather die a torturous death and still have some character and integrity intact than watch bullies beat everyone down my whole life and do nothing about it.

I hope I’m teaching my kids to do what is right no matter the cost.

Filed Under: Business, Family, Personal Growth

Keeping It Real Update

January 16, 2015 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

Quite some time ago I promised to keep it real on here, and I think I’ve done so to some extent, but it’s time for a big time transparent update because I believe that’s what God wants me to do right now.

If you’ve read our story (either in previous posts on this blog or in the e-book) then you know what my biggest struggle has been for quite some time – I live pretty anxious about finances. Crazy I know – coming from a guy who has been unbelievably blessed and helps other people get on track. But none of that means I am perfect or don’t experience setbacks that challenge my faith.

I could write a 5000 word report about all the reasons I’m feeling more pressure right now (business is wildly unpredictable, etc). But there’s really no good point to make there – that’s life. The lesson I’m learning (or being reminded of) is, that regardless of how bad financial circumstances get, God is still good and He will provide. Being overly-stressed about things doesn’t change that, and trying to carry that burden on my own takes away from the glory God gets when we keep our faith in Him.

So I’ve been surrendering all this to God and sharing it with others every chance I get. The money situation is tighter than it’s been in years and it does stress me out. At times I believe it is a spiritual attack trying to prevent us from fulfilling a giving commitment we felt lead to make. Just as there’s a God that loves us there’s an enemy that wants to destroy us.

Regardless of why things aren’t easy right now, my family and I will steward what we’ve been blessed with and keep our commitments. Whatever the results, we’re keeping our focus on God and our faith in His promises. So pray for us please.

Filed Under: Business, Faith, Family, Money, Personal Growth

An Exciting New adVenture

December 10, 2014 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

From the time I was in college I’ve dreamed of owning business, and I actually have in various ways – from the mobile car detailing business I did for a couple of years to network marketing programs to consulting, speaking, and project managing as an outside contractor for other businesses (even my sales job is essentially a business of it’s own). So I am very excited about the newest venture.

Introducing Impact Sport Events, LLC. Created to make active lifestyle normal and fun for families – Impact Sport Events exists to provide family friendly and fun opportunities to be physically active. Our core values are centered around faith, family, community, fitness, and fun. Part of our excitement is also for the opportunity to support RiceBowls.org with portions of our proceeds.

The first event we’re directing is the Shamrock Shuffle at Hartwell Dam in Hartwell, GA on March 14, 2015 – a 5k and 1mi Family Fun Run. It will be a great day to get out and be active, and it will be an honor to have as many of our family and friends there as possible. So if you can be there please consider coming out and joining in the fun. Click here to register!

Filed Under: Business, Faith, Family, Money, Personal Growth, Relationships, Sports

Top 3 Reasons We Do and Don’t Give to NewSpring Church

September 18, 2014 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

There’s a reason for everything we do. Actually there are multiple reasons for each thing we do. There is at least the reason we have in our head and then there is the reason God intends for everything we do. God’s reason is usually bigger than our own.

Take giving for instance. There could be many reasons we are motivated to give. Being obedient to God’s word, that teaches giving, can be a great motivator. The joy we feel in being generous can be a strong motivator. The promise of God’s blessing when we’re generous can be a powerful motivator. But notice how each of those can be considered selfish. Expecting to feel satisfied by our obedience is a self-centered motivation. Expecting to experience joy is a self-centered motivation. Expecting to receive blessings is probably the most self-centered motivation. I’m not saying any of these are bad reasons. They’re just not sufficient without God’s reasons, which we might not know on this side of eternity.

The question I want to ask is this: Would we still be willing to give back to God if there was no selfish hope of satisfaction, joy, or blessing? That is impossible to answer because we don’t know what that’s like. God allows us to experience satisfaction, joy, and blessings without fail whether we expect those experiences or not – because we can’t outgive God.

All that being said I just want to be very real about three of the top reasons we DON’T give to our home church, NewSpring Church, and then three of the top reasons we DO give to NewSpring Church.

Top 3 Reasons We DON’T Give to NewSpring Church

Don’t misunderstand – we DO give to NewSpring Church, but there are reasons we DO give and there are reasons we DON’T. Here are the non-reasons we give:

Perry Noble – the pastor. He’s cool and all but he sucks just like the rest of us. God uses him to speak, but he’s just a man. I like to see him be transparent so we know he’s growing and maturing in Christ just like the rest of us. But regardless of how he’s doing my family doesn’t give to NewSpring Church just because Perry says so. I understand leadership and respect it, and trust that Perry and other pastors are good leaders. But giving to any church just because a pastor says so is a terrible reason to give. Giving to anything because of the influence of man is so short sighted.
Pretty buildings – a bunch of them. NewSpring Church has lots of pretty buildings with lots of cool stuff inside. I know buildings are necessary and having nice ones makes everyone comfortable. I gave to the last building campaign and I’ll give to the current one. But my family does not give to NewSpring Church in order to see pretty buildings erected. It doesn’t matter how awesome those buildings are they are as temporary as Perry and all the rest of us.
Fancy Shows – every Sunday and Wednesday. No one puts on a better church worship experience than NewSpring Church, and it happens several times in several places on Sundays, and again for youth on Wednesdays. The preparation that goes into having an excellent experience at NewSpring Church is monumental – from the music and teaching to the parking and care. But my family does not give to NewSpring Church in order to see fancy shows. How worship is done now will probably be a laughable fad 50-100 years from now.

Am I saying that Perry, pretty buildings, and fancy shows are not important? No – those things have a purpose. Am I saying that giving to fund those things is not important? No – as long as those things are not the reason for giving to those things.

Top 3 Reasons We DO Give to NewSpring Church

You’ve gotta be getting the point by now. The right reason for giving is not to impress or please man in any way – it’s to see God move in every way. My family believes in the work God does through NewSpring Church, and we’re honored to be a part of it. It’s not about NewSpring – it could be any church we feel God is moving in. But at least for now and the past 11 years it’s NewSpring.

We give to obey and glorify God, and to see Him move. I can’t think of any move of God more near and dear to our hearts than the salvation and baptism of our three children. Like it’s said all the time at NewSpring – you can’t outgive God. Here are our top 3 completely selfish yet God centered motivations for giving to NewSpring Church, where we see God moving in our family:

Devin Asbell – accepted Christ and soon after was baptized in May of 2010.

Skyler Asbell – accepted Christ and after much worry and hesitation was baptized in April of 2014.

Kylee Asbell – accepted Christ and soon after was baptized in May of 2014.

All three of our kids have accepted Christ at home, with us, but while our entire family was attending and being ministered to at NewSpring Church – where God uses broken people, in worthless buildings, with passing-fad experiences to draw the lost to Him. Then there’s the whole ‘found people find people’ thing – imagine how much impact God could have through those three little people. I know these things can sound cliche’, but they’re just true.

It can be considered completely selfish motivation for me to give to NewSpring Church because of these experiences with my kids. Got me – I’m guilty of experiencing overwhelming satisfaction, joy, and blessing from seeing my kids as well as thousands of other people take steps to follow Christ. Would I have been willing to give without the hope of experiencing that selfish satisfaction, joy, and blessing? It’s impossible to imagine that, but you have to try it to believe it. God’s reason for our giving might be bigger than we can even fathom.

Filed Under: Faith, Family, Money

Happy Father’s Day 2014

June 15, 2014 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

So I was reading this incredible post by Shawna’s uncle, Mike, and thought to myself, “I should do a little Father’s Day post of my own.” The difference is, while Uncle Mile’s post is so beautiful and inspiring, I’m at a totally different stage in life with parenting (and anything else for that matter).

My kids are still young, completely dependent on Shawna and I, and constantly demanding on every single resource God makes available to us. Sometimes we don’t know if we’re coming or going, and we certainly can’t predict with precise accuracy what the next day will hold, but we’re doing everything we can to enjoy every minute of it.

Uncle Mike’s kids are grown. It would be naive of me to even hint at the idea of things being easier as kids are older and eventually all grown up. In fact I know it would be a stupid assumption even in my halfway-done-raising-kids experience. When our kids were babies their demands of us were very different than their demands now. I didn’t say easier – I said different.

Looking back at the past 11+ years of parenting there are so many things I don’t miss at all, and so many other things I would go back and do all over again. There are some things I wouldn’t change for anything and others I would do completely different. There are things I can’t believe we survived and others I can’t believe we were so blessed with. I can only imagine what the next 11+ years will hold, and I can’t help hoping at some point it seems easier. But I know it won’t be. It’ll just be different.

In the meantime I want to do the best I can now, enjoying every moment, loving and teaching our kids every chance I get, pointing them to God and encouraging, equipping, and empowering them to become who He created them to be and pursue what He created them to do. None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes and unfortunately hurt one another in the process. But regardless of where the journey takes us or how different it gets, as long as we’re alive we still have purpose as parents.

Much love to all the dads out there especially mine & Shawna’s. Father God help me as I’m still warping my kids in my own ways:

Filed Under: Family

God at Work

January 21, 2014 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

God at Work: Your Christian Vocation in All of Life by Gene Edward Veith Jr is one of my favorite books of all time. One of the most common questions Christians have is some variation of, “How do I know God’s will for my life?” That one question leads us to wondering how God is or isn’t using us. It leads us to thinking we have to be in a full time job (whether paid or volunteer) at a church in order to be ‘doing ministry’. It causes us to diminish the importance and impact we can have in ‘secular’ or ‘private sector’ jobs. That one question is all it takes to make us forget the fact that our everyday life is a constant opportunity to minister and have an impact for God.

In God at Work , Gene Veith teaches all about the doctrine of vocation. It is the idea that God is at work in all things and he chooses to work through human beings serving each other in ordinary life. There is a wealth of information in this book about the history and purpose of the doctrine of vocation, how it started and how it has changed. There is tremendous insight about how the doctrine of vocation is alive and applicable in so many different areas of our lives – at work, in the family, in citizenship, and at church. We all have more opportunity than we can imagine to serve our neighbor and experience the transforming presence of God through our everyday lives.

I give this book 5 stars and highly recommend it for everyone to read.

Filed Under: Business, Faith, Family, Personal Growth, Relationships

How To Deposit Checks Made Out to Children

October 31, 2013 by Mark Asbell 2 Comments

Recently my son Devin had a check made out to him (as a gift), and I couldn’t remember exactly what the proper way to deposit it is for a young child who doesn’t have a bank account. So I looked up the following instructions that I thought might be useful to other parents:

Print the words “For Deposit Only” on the top of the back of the check. This endorsement restricts the check to only being deposited, not cashed.
Have your child print or sign their name on the check directly under the words “For Deposit Only”, but if your child is too young to sign their own name then write the word “By:” and sign your name with the word “Parent” right after.
If your child was able to sign their name then sign your name directly underneath your child’s printed or signed name. This will endorse the check over to you so that you can deposit it into your bank account.

Of course it’s always a good idea to check with your financial institution for specific guidelines.

Filed Under: Family, Money

Keep It Real

October 2, 2013 by Mark Asbell 1 Comment

A couple of years ago I bought a t-shirt with the above print on it. I think this shirt is hilarious with the ghost, magic wand, zombie, unicorn, space ship, imaginary friend, and dinosaur. It’s hyperbole (I know a few big words too smart people). The reason I love this shirt so much is because some of my biggest lessons in life could have been learned sooner if I had just lived by the motto – Keep It Real.

Now this is like one of my core values – Keep It Real. I think one of the biggest failures among Christians as a whole is the unwillingness to keep it real. We act like we’ve got it all together because if we don’t then we’re looked down on by those who are likely just better actors. The problem is pride. The Bible warns about it – pride comes before the fall.

Proverbs teaches us the importance of wisdom and that we should seek it no matter the cost. To truly do that we have to swallow our pride, be willing to admit we don’t know everything and we don’t have it all together, and actually ask someone who might have the wisdom we need. I’ve learned this the hard way in major areas of life, and I’ve observed that most other people are learning things the hard way too.

Years ago I was much more transparent on this blog but along the way I became more reserved for various reasons. It’s about to get a lot more real on here again because I believe when we keep it real we keep pride down and relational value up. Who’s with me?

Filed Under: Family, Money, Personal Growth, Relationships

God Centered Finances – Ebook

September 24, 2013 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

Since experiencing a rock bottom turn to Jesus moment financially, I have sought to better understand what the Bible teaches about money. I learned the Bible doesn’t address just giving – it also teaches saving and spending wisely. When I found my family struggling to strike a proper balance between giving, saving, and spending it became apparent to me that the only way to truly get it right is to keep God at the center of every financial decision. That is the basis for my first ebook:

God Centered Finances: A Balanced Perspective for Biblical Giving, Saving, and Spending.

I hope you’ll download a copy, and I hope it encourages your heart and mind to living the blessed life God has for you.

By the way – the Amazon Kindle App is available on all devices and computers for downloading this book.

Filed Under: Faith, Family, Money, Personal Growth, Reading, Relationships

5 Big Things Couples Fight About

September 6, 2013 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

It would be impossible to list ALL the things couples fight about, so here is a quick rundown of 5 big ones that can cause tremendous strain on a marriage:

Money – It is an every day part of life that affects everything whether we want it to or not. Each spouse approaches money differently – different attitudes, experiences, personalities, habits, knowledge, ability, this list could go on and on. Those differences in how money is managed can create daily conflict.
Sex – It should be a frequent part of married life that affects pretty much everything because of the intimacy it is supposed to create between us. So the conflict arises over frequency and satisfaction. (that needs a whole lot of explanation I’m not going in to with this post)
Kids – If you’re doing the above I can tell you from experience that kids are highly likely to happen. Then each spouse approaches raising them differently, how to love, discipline, provide, and teach them.
Family – Each spouse has differences on their “side” of the family, and that affects the marriage. How involved the extended family is, where holidays and special occasions are spent, and how to prioritize the needs of the immediate family and extended family so that neither ends up totally neglected.
Career – The type of work we do, the amount of time we work, where we have to live or move to do that work, the people we work with, the opportunity it creates or passes by, the financial return for the work. Each spouse sees these things differently and the career decisions we make affect each other no matter how “independently awesome” we think we are.

Does this list look pretty accurate as 5 biggies that affect marriage greatly? Just because I listed them in that order doesn’t mean that is the order you’re experiencing them in. But I strongly believe it makes sense for most couples to deal with them in that order. The key is turning these points of friction in to productive opportunities to communicate and cooperate with one another in a way that strengthens our relationship rather than weaken it.

Filed Under: Family, Money, Relationships