My Thoughts In Blog Form - Mark Asbell

Utilizing Money

June 26, 2011 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

One of the poorest choices of words I hear people say is “I don’t have any money”. The fact of the matter is we live in a country that is so wealthy even people who don’t work have money in the form of government assistance. The problem is how we use what we actually have.

When I hear the statement “I don’t have any money” I immediately think “how have you used the money you DO have?” We all make mistakes with money. Some of us make bigger mistakes than others. The difference in those who experience difficulty and forever after say “I don’t have any money” and those who experience difficulty and bounce back from it is simple. The ones who bounce back LEARN from their mistakes and don’t repeat them.

Dave Ramsey has a phrase he likes to use regarding the lack of money. He says “there is one place to go when you’re broke, TO WORK.” That is so true, and when we go to work and make some money we should manage it in a way that positions us to win. Are we giving, saving, and managing the rest with a plan that honors God for the blessing?

Filed Under: Money

Utilizing Time

June 24, 2011 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

Time is probably one of the most widely mis-used resources for all of us. It is the only resource we all have an equal amount of. It has been said that time is the great equalizer for all of mankind. It can be argued that the most successful people in every area of life ae the ones who figure out how to use time most effectively.

Let’s all admit the more entertainment and social interaction becomes available the more distracted we get with how we’re using our time. Misusing my time is something I find myself failing on too often.

It is easy for me to think that I should be working more. But that isn’t what I mean necessarily. I have to question whether or not I’m spending enough time with my wife or my family and investing time in the relationships that are important to me. There is a healthy balance that has to be found when it comes to how we use our time.

When it comes to work I have to question whether or not I am spending my time doing the most important tasks and projects for where I’m headed with my job. Work time needs to be spent doing WORK. It is easy to get distracted by conversations or activities that don’t help productivity and should be reserved for non-work time.

I’ve learned that investing time in my health is easy to neglect if I don’t make a disciplined effort to go to the gym. The best time of day to do that is in the morning before the rest of my family is awake. Otherwise I might have to neglect either work or family time in order to squeeze in some exercise time.

Investing time with family and friends is important too, so I try to make it a habit to spend evenings and weekends with the family as much as possible and incorporate time with friends in there as well. One thing I try to focus on is what we do with the time I spend with family and friends. I often examine what activities are we doing and what are we talking about to add value to relationships and find that I need to do a better job.

The story of the tortoise and the hare is true – slow and steady wins the race. The challenge is we’re all running more than one race. There is work to do and there is life to live outside of work. There are numerous goals to strive for in work and life and prioritizing them can be tricky. Sometimes we want to be get to particular goals faster, but slow and steady toward all the goals is often times a better way to proceed. Prospering isn’t all about money – a lot of prospering is how we live the life we have with the time we have here on earth.

Filed Under: Money, Personal Growth

Utilizing Resources

June 22, 2011 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

Have you ever known someone to have a wonderful resource at their disposal but they don’t even put it to good use? There is a house I know of that changed ownership several years ago. The thing about that house is it has a professionally installed irrigation system. When the previous owners installed it they were able to groom one of the most beautiful lawns around.

The new owners, however, have not used that irrigation system a single time. I don’t know if they are unaware they have an irrigation system, or if it is broken, or maybe they can’t afford the water (although it’s pretty cheap where they’re located). Now there is as much dirt as there is healthy grass in the yard. What a waste of the previous owners time, money, and energy in my opinion. Or maybe I’m just jealous because my yard could use an irrigation system.

That irrigation system is a resource the new owners have (assuming it works) that they aren’t even using. When I think about under-utilized resources many things come to mind. I believe God gives us many resources that we should be good stewards of – both tangible and intangible. What are some of YOUR resources that are being under-utilized or mis-used?

Filed Under: Money

Don’t Give Up On Marriage

June 21, 2011 by Mark Asbell 2 Comments

After reading the “Everyone Is Going to Hurt You” post some people might be thinking their spouse is not worth suffering for anymore. They seem to keep making the same painful mistakes and you’re losing hope that they will ever change. Please don’t give up.

When the fairytale fades into reality that is not the time to give up. Moving from one marriage to another might lead to temporary happiness, but only until the moment you discover what is imperfect in that relationship too. Is the problem you’re experiencing in your current relationship really worth ending the relationship? Please don’t give up.

Marriage takes work. Sometimes it’s messy and difficult. When is the last time you thought about your spouse’s point of view? What is on their mind? Are you blowing something out of proportion or being selfish? Are you treating your spouse kindly? What circumstances might be causing the conflict or failure? What have you done to help your spouse overcome the problem? Have you been to counseling? Are you praying for your spouse? Please don’t give up.

There was a day when you thought your spouse WAS worth suffering for. A time when you would have done anything in your power to be with them. What happened? Think about your dating days. Would whatever the problem is now have stopped you from being together then? As you think back on those happy times think about what was different then that made it so great and then do whatever you can to re-kindle whatever it was.

Do something – do ANYTHING! But please don’t give up. Marriage is worth fighting for.

Filed Under: Relationships

Three Life Values I Learned From Dad

June 19, 2011 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

It’s Father’s Day, so there is no better time for me to write about my dad. He’s quite a character I tell you. His sense of humor is pretty much one of a kind, and he makes a great subject of humor as well. But I’ll save some of that for later. Today I thought I’d share three of the life values I’m glad to have learned from my dad.

Work Ethic

My dad has always been a very hard worker. When I was young he was not only a pastor but he also worked on cars to help make ends meet, and he still works hard. He passed that work ethic on to me and my siblings. When we were kids we had to do chores – REAL chores (unlike kids now). To this day my siblings and I are all doing more than one thing to work whether we really need to for money or not. I believe it’s part of who we are.

Service to others

Obviously since my dad was formerly a pastor he is a person with a servants heart. He will do anything he can to help someone who needs a hand and not expect anything in return. Even though he quit pastoring churches long ago he still serves in ministry every week at his local church because he believes in serving people as Christ served. It has been difficult for me at times to embrace the servants heart that is engrained in me from my dad because of the negative things that happen to preachers’ families. No matter how much I’ve tried at times to AVOID serving others I seem to always find myself doing what dad would do – serving others in some way whether it’s in business or in ministry and whether it’s paid or volunteer.

Dedication

Dad set an example for us of dedication to:

God – I’ve never had to worry whether or not my dad is wavering in his faith.
Marriage – I’ve never had to worry whether or not dad was going to leave mom.
Family – Dad and mom set an example for our entire family to be very loyal to the family even when we don’t agree.
Church – I can tell you where dad is every Sunday morning.
Personal Responsibility – Though my dad is far from perfect I’m confident he does what he thinks is right and when he makes a mistake he does what he can to make it right.

What quality values can you attribute to the influence of your dad?

Happy Fathers Day!

Filed Under: Faith, Family, Relationships

OURS – Not Mine & Yours

June 17, 2011 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

A while back I wrote about a bad dream I had where a couple fought about their money in a failed attempt to manage THEIR money as individuals rather than together. You can refer back to that post here.

One common conflict we see regarding money in marriage is when one spouse is the bread-winner and the other is the domestic engineer. Typically in those scenarios the man is the one bringing home the money. That is the scenario for my wife Shawna and I. She does have a couple of things she does for part-time income but it’s not even close to being “even”. But we don’t really look at that. To us it all goes in the same pot and we agree on what gets funded – even when agreeing isn’t easy.

I’ve heard some people say they split the bills evenly. I’ve heard some people say they share according to who makes how much (if one makes 60k and the other 30k the bills are split 2/3 to the 60k earner and 1/3 to the 30k earner – socialistic approach). I’ve heard some people say they make all the money and the other spends it all. I’ve heard other people say they make all the money so the other isn’t allowed to spend any of it.

The way Shawna and I do it is all the money goes in the same pot and we agree on what gets funded. The closest we come to any of the other approaches listed above is sometimes I have a humorous attitude about what Shawna is funding with her part time income. When I’m happy I take pride in how much fun and enjoyment I’m able to fund for the family with the hard-earned income from my job. When I’m not happy I make sure the family knows how spoiled they are and tell Shawna she can fund the fun with her own money because I have to pay the bills with all mine. Sometimes it’s funny and sometimes it isn’t. It depends on what we’re “discussing” and whether or not we are taking it lightly…. ok, whether or not Shawna is taking it lightly.

At the end of the day it is all OURS, not mine and hers. For anyone who is married the same is true – the two become ONE, and that includes the wallet.

How do you manage the money and bills in your family?

Filed Under: Family, Money, Relationships

Inheriting Poverty

June 15, 2011 by Mark Asbell 2 Comments

Recently my friend Joe wrote about an interesting point of view regarding inheritance titled “Hey – You’re Robbing My Inheritance“. It’s a great point of view and I believe there are probably a lot of people who have thought or felt like their inheritance was being robbed from them by irresponsible siblings. I have another point of view to share.

The comments on Joe’s post were great and I have to say that I relate most to the fact that any inheritance would be blessing rather than something I need or feel entitled to, and I’m way more concerned about my parents well-being while they’re alive. What a holier-than-thou point of view – right? Wrong. I am human and I’m big enough to admit there is an element of selfishness in my point of view. I REALLY do care about my parents well-being and want them to have enough resources to take care of their needs as they age. But I ALSO really care about my own resources as I age, so I don’t want to be forced to use my hard earned resources to care for my parents if it can be avoided.

To connect the dots here’s how it all plays out over time:

Financially irresponsible kids never learn their lesson and continue to make disastrous mistakes that they can’t afford to fix.
Hard working, loving, and caring parents repeatedly help them out by dipping into their own hard-earned resources.
Parents eventually retire with little to no resources to provide for their needs.
Hard working, loving, and caring SIBLINGS OF THE IRRESPONSIBLE KIDS step in to care for the parents by dipping into their own hard-earned resources. (the irresponsible kids might WANT to help but they can’t because they never learned and they’re still living hand-to-mouth despite all the help their parents gave them)
The kids grow old and broke just like their parents did.
Process repeats itself over and over resulting in a growingly popular term called GENERATIONAL POVERTY.

This is a very real problem and it is not a problem that is going away as the average net worth of people planning to retire in the next 10 years is $25,000. The last time I checked that is not enough to pay for living expenses for very long. So forgive me for being selfish and not wanting my generation or my kids generation, or their kids generation to be BROKE. Just as there is a start to all cycles there is a way to stop all cycles. Each of us makes a difference in breaking the cycle or preventing the cycle from starting – generational poverty does not have to exist.

Maybe families should adopt an atmosphere of open accountability for good or bad financial decisions. I wonder if that is part of the reason for some of the most prosperous families success.

What are your thoughts?

Filed Under: Family, Money, Relationships

Mobile Phone Privilege

June 13, 2011 by Mark Asbell 2 Comments

Anyone more than 30 years old, maybe 25 at the youngest, would probably remember the Zack Morris Saved By The Bell days of the “cell” phone that would barely fit in a backpack much less a back pocket. Having a cell phone was a privilege only few people had back then. Slater didn’t have one because he was poor.

As time has passed having a “mobile” phone has become more affordable, or maybe it’s more prioritized as we have grown to believe we couldn’t live without one and that we actually DESERVE to have one no matter the cost. Many of us don’t even have a home phone anymore because our mobile phone is all we really need. Many of us even have children with mobile phones (and I’d love to get feedback from other parents about the reasoning and justification as my kids are beginning to ask).

In my experience coaching people through financial difficulty I have successfully identified a group of people who DO NOT need or deserve a mobile phone and/or the features they have included in their mobile phone plan. This has become a pet peeve of mine so I have listed some tips that might help some people with regards to mobile phone privileges:

If someone cannot afford to buy their own groceries they do not need a mobile phone.
If someone cannot afford to pay their own rent they do not need a mobile phone.
If someone cannot afford to pay for their own transportation they do not need a mobile phone.
If someone is required by their job to have a mobile phone then the job should pay well enough to afford the mobile phone, or it should reimburse them for it.
If someone has no savings in the bank and the only reason they have a data plan is to check facebook 15 times a day then they do not need a data plan.
If any of the above apply to someone then they should turn off unlimited text messages and tell their friends to CALL them.
If someone cannot afford to pay their share of a monthly family plan and they’ve been bumming it off their broke single mom for years they do not need a mobile phone and they certainly do not need the data plan and unlimited text messages on the mobile phone (I’ve counseled this poor parent and that is the reason for this rant).

Mobile phones are a privilege not a necessity. Don’t tell me they are for safety. We used to get along just fine without them and besides that most people are near someone at all times who has one anyway. So if there is an emergency find a Zack Morris and let them call for help. When is the last time you really had to use your phone for an emergency? I can’t even remember the last time I did.

Ok, enough about this. I’ve got some calls to make…

Filed Under: Money Tagged With: need, phones, privilege

Everyone Is Going To Hurt You

June 11, 2011 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

The other day on facebook I read a very wise statement of truth about relationships. The statement was made by a college-age young lady who is apparently dating now and has had some moments of hurt in that process.

(I’m so glad to be married rather than single and dating, and I feel so old because it doesn’t seem that long ago that this young lady was the age my daughter Skyler is now. She will remain nameless here because I’m a dad and her dad is my friend).

Here’s what she said – “Everyone is going to hurt you. You just gotta find the one worth suffering for.” WOW – that is so true not only in dating/marriage but also in real friendships that are worth having. No one is perfect. We’re all going to make mistakes and hurt those around us eventually, even if it is in small ways. Finding those worth sticking with and suffering for is key.

If that statement wasn’t enough she also wrote another post worth quoting that says, “The greatest thing in life is finding someone who knows all your mistakes and differences and still finds you absolutely amazing.”

I’m so glad my wife suffers and fights for our marriage. I suffer and fight too but I’ve done more than my share of hurting in the relationship. The key to the statement “find the one worth suffering for” is that should be a two-way road. Anyone who is dating someone who doesn’t understand that should go ahead and move on like the young lady who made that statement. It seems she has a foundation of wise principles to build on, and it just so happens she has apparently found the one because she is recently engaged.

Filed Under: Relationships

Basketball Love – Discipline Trickery

June 9, 2011 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

I love basketball. It’s what gets me out of bed and to the gym in the morning, which is the only time of day I can consistently get exercise without stressing about work or family time. When it comes to getting up early in the morning I’ve tried everything I know to try. Shawna isn’t a morning person. Friends schedules conflict so they can’t be there consistently. But there is one thing I can count on – 99% of the time at least one other dude who loves basketball as much as me will be in the gym at 6:00 shooting hoops, and sometimes we even have 6-10 of us so we can play a couple of games.

Basketball is the ONLY thing that has ever consistently gotten me out of bed in the morning to go to the gym, and it works out great. I can show up at 6:00, play ball for 30 minutes, and then do some other cardio or resistance exercise for 30-45 more minutes. It gets me up and going, it’s something I enjoy, and it helps me be fit and healthy. I’m basically tricking myself into having a healthy discipline of regular exercise because something I enjoy motivates me.

Don’t we all need something like that in our life? Maybe you’re like me and you need something you love to encourage physical fitness in your life. What is one thing you enjoy so much that it gets you up and going in the morning?

The same principle is true with regards to financial discipline. It isn’t fun having to budget and being disciplined to follow it. That is why we say there must be fun in the budget. There must be things in the budget that are enjoyable for you so that you have something to look forward to that motivates you to have the discipline to do the rest. What is the fun thing in your budget that motivates you to stick to the plan?

Filed Under: Health, Money, Sports