We Aren’t That Different

A while back someone asked me if it is easier to control our finances (spending) because Shawna homeschools our kids and I work from home a lot. At first I didn’t realize where that question was coming from. But then I realized it was an attempt to make our situation different, or easier in their eyes, to justify a lack of discipline in their own situation.

My initial thought was yes it is easier – Shawna doesn’t typically go out to lunch with the girls like she might at a job, and she doesn’t use a lot of gas money to get back and forth to work. I thought the same is true for me since I get to work from home a lot.

But on second thought I realized, you know what – Shawna still spends just as much. It isn’t easy putting up with kids all day so she is always having to get them out of the house, which ends up being activities that cost money. She also does work part time so there are moments when it is more convenient to grab food on the go. All that takes driving around as much or more than the typical job working mom. So we really don’t have an advantage there.

Even though I work from home a lot of the time I still put about 20,000 miles per year on my vehicle, most of  those are miles that are work-related (going to meet with customers etc).  Not to mention I have WAY more un-reimbursed job-related expenses than the average person.  I get to write some of those expenses off but that doesn’t mean I get it all back, and the other 12 months of the year it creates a unique cash flow challenge.

So after thinking about that question, “is it easier for us”, my response is NO!  Just because our life circumstances are not exactly the same doesn’t mean the challenges of managing money are THAT different.  We still have to live with a plan, giving and saving and spending within our means.  Don’t let others excuse their lack of discipline based on your circumstances.

“I don’t care about money”

Some of the worst cases I see in coaching are those where one spouse has assumed the position of “I don’t care about money”. The fact of the matter is they do care about money but they are for some reason denying it.

Maybe they’re naturally very frugal savers or simple-livers and as long as their basic needs are met they’re content in knowing that their spouse is taking care of the bills and whatever they want. Maybe they’re naturally the spender and as long as they’re getting what they want they’re trusting their spouse is handling the details. Either way they’re not paying attention to the details.

Then the tough conversation happens, a conversation that should have taken place months or years sooner. The spouse who was supposed to be handling all the details made some mistakes, things spiraled out of control, and the “I don’t care” spouse has just learned their very well-being is at stake.

It doesn’t have to be that way. Both spouses should be aware of the details by talking about and reviewing the state of their financial union at least once a month.

Is your financial house in order? You might want to go check with your spouse – like right now.

Our Money-Do-List

A couple of weeks ago I introduced the Money-Do-List, a tool to help prioritize our list of hopes, plans, and dreams (goals) in a way that makes sense for where we are and where we want to be and what is important to each of us. When Shawna and I first started using this method our list consisted of mostly boring stuff by me and mostly fun stuff by Shawna.  All I wanted to do was pay down our debts and save.  But Shawna was tired of having no life and wanted to at least have Christmas memories and maybe a vacation.  Here’s how we used the money-do-list method to compromise (all of this list is complete now):

Keep in mind December 2006 is when we went to Financial Learning Experience and got Financial Coaching for the first time.  Notice we did a lot of saving before we did anything else, and the saving included fun.   I wanted to get the discipline of saving started right away so that we would have margin when the unexpected happened.

We actually tackled the debts one at a time, so for example there were multiple credit card bills and medical bills listed separately rather than just one-liners.  I’m sure I’ve forgotten some of the things that were on our list along the way, but this is a pretty good representation of how we prioritized the completion of things – making sure to complete practical things (debts & margin) as well as fun things (Christmas & vacation) along the way.

Sometime in the near future I’ll share what’s still coming up on our list and how it is prioritized.  How are you using the money-do-list?

Goal Priority

It’s probably safe to say everyone has heard of the honey-do list.  For any married man who hasn’t – congratulations – you must be newlywed and under 30 yrs old.  The term “honey-do list” refers to the idea of wives having a running list of tasks for husbands to do around the house.  It comes from past eras when men were generally handy around the house and didn’t have to hire everything out.  (As Shawna and I have become more financially able I have made it a point to hire more handy-man tasks out because it’s better for my spiritual and mental health, and probably everyones physical safety).

Most people have probably also heard about writing down financial goals, or “Hopes, Plans, & Dreams” as my friend Joe would say it because he is a man of many words.  I’ve found a challenge in my family finances and the finances of families I’ve coached.  The list of goals is long and lofty enough to take a lifetime.  Some of the items on the list are way more important than others.  Some items that are important to me are not important to Shawna, and vice versa.  How is it possible to prioritize the list and maintain peace in the financial house?

Introducing the first ever tool on this website, the Money-Do List.

Let me know what you think about this tool.  In the coming days/weeks I plan to show you how Shawna and I have used this approach to determine what order we would use to prioritize the things we’ve been accomplishing for the last several years.

You Should Be Listening To…

Life is good.  You’re so blessed, more than you deserve.  The two of you CAN work together.  If you hadn’t married them you wouldn’t get to experience the power of working together to accomplish your goals and dreams TOGETHER.  You two do such a great job communicating about money and caring for each others wants and needs as much as your own.  

You must be so happy and proud to have such a great spouse.  Who cares what your family and friends think.  They’re not the ones committed to being with you for richer or poorer.  Any decision you make isn’t going to affect them nearly as badly as it will affect you, so you’re wisely choosing to make your relationship work.  

Work hard now to get your financial relationship in order so you can enjoy the rest of your life together.  It’s completely worth the effort and sacrifice.

…the voice of hope and encouragement. 

Are You Listening To…

This sucks.  You’re broke.  You can’t do anything fun.  It’s all their fault.  If you hadn’t married them you’d have plenty of money to do whatever you want.  You two haven’t even talked about money for months because all they ever care about is what they want.  Who do they think they are?  You work just as hard as they do.  

You should just leave.  Who cares what your family or friends think.  You deserve to be happy.  Don’t even worry about how it affects anyone else – they’ll get over it.  It isn’t going to affect them nearly as badly as it’s affecting you.  Get out now while you still have some time to enjoy your life.  

…the voice in your head?

Do I Use Credit Cards Now?

One question I get asked a lot is do I use credit cards now that we’ve changed our financial ways.  It’s a good question in the context of “we were broke and credit cards screwed us…but having credit cards isn’t always a bad thing for everyone…”

It’s a fair question.  Some are curious to know if I am of the Dave Ramsey mentality about credit cards or if I’m ok with them.  Others want to justify their “manageable” balance.  The bottom line is I’m perfectly fine with couples who say they’re comfortable carrying a balance on their credit card, as long as they plan on carrying it for only about 25 days before paying it off.  I don’t agree with Dave that credit cards are an absolutely don’t do, but I do have Dave’s attitude about carrying a balance – it’s stupid.

Personally – Shawna and I even to this day don’t have credit cards.  First of all, we still use cash for our discretionary categories because that is the most surefire way to keep overspending under control (you can’t overspend cash).  Second, we have not seen a credit card rewards program that is any better than our checking account rewards at Perkstreet.  (Cash rewards are my favorite.)

So my answer for people when they ask about credit cards is “If I were in your shoes I wouldn’t use them.”  But for those who are still attached to the rewards and they’re already really good at controlling their spending and paying it off every month – I’m ok with that… as long as they’re being real about it and truly living according to a plan.

Dancing to Someone Else’s Tune

 As we strive to reach our goals and dreams we sometimes think as we increase our financial status or level of leadership that we will somehow become less dependent on what others want us to do.  That might be true to an extent, but I believe often times we get this false perception that we will somehow have more control of everything around us than we really do.

For whatever reason Shawna and I love lawyer shows.  We used to watch The Practice religiously.  Now we watch The Good Wife with the same consistency (the crazy thing is the title of the show should be “The Worst Marriage Ever” because the Good Wife’s husband cheated, they separated, and she is in and out of an affair with her boss).  Anyway, in one scene of the show a “partner” at the law firm, Will, made this statement, “It seems no matter how high we go we’re still dancing to someone else’s tune.”

Isn’t that true?  When we’re working a job we’re dancing to the bosses tune.  When we own a business we’re dancing to the customers tune.  Even if we have a ton of money in the bank or investments we’re dancing to the tune of whatever is going on in the economy or government.

I believe no matter how much confidence and control of our life we gain we will still to some degree be dancing to someone else’s tune to maintain what little control we actually have. Ultimately we have to learn that God is the one in control.

Do you ever feel like you’ll always be dancing to someone else’s tune?

Thanksgiving 2011

Other than the most important thanks I give every year for God’s mercy, My Wife, Family, Friends, Health, and Wealth, here are some particular financial-related things I’m thankful for this this year at Thanksgiving:

  • We got debt free this year (except for the house)
  • Savings in the bank
  • Promise – that God will provide
What do you have to be thankful for?

Holiday LAYAWAY

Credit card.  Owner finance.  Debt.  Broke.  Run!  These are all the first thoughts that came to my mind when I recently saw an ad promoting layaway at a major retail chain.

It seems it has been a long time since retailers have done a layaway push.  They either haven’t been promoting it or it is a retro service they are bringing back.  Either way the ads remind me of the bike I bought using layaway when I was like 13, and the Nintendo our family bought using layaway when I was like 10.

Of all the terms that came to my mind when I saw that ad “owner finance” is probably the most accurate one because layaway is making payments on something the owner might take back if you stop making payments and you’re out the money you’ve paid, just like an owner financed house or car.

There is a better alternative. It’s called the KNOWN UPCOMING EXPENSES CALCULATOR.  It helps you plan how much to save for Christmas all year long and then pay for stuff without borrowing time or money when Christms arrives.  It might be helpful to start using this tool now so that next Christmas layaway can go back out of style.