Church Customer Service

I’m not talking about catering to the traditionalist who want to put more emphasis on what the church sign says than on reaching unsaved people for Christ. Just completely block that thought process out of your mind for a minute and think about what kind of experience the people you WANT to stay at your church are having. I’ll never tell what church(es) I’m talking about and don’t assume I’m talking all about NewSpring because I’m not. I’ve been to a ton of churches growing up a preachers kid. No church is perfect. There is always something that can be done better.

We all remember what the customer service is like when we go to a place of business – especially if it is bad. Well what about churches? Should they be concerned with customer service in some way? Of course! Exactly how is a challenge most churches are failing to meet but before a church can focus on that they need to identify all the customer groups they might be trying to serve.

Some of my jobs through the years have taught me that a customer is not always the people we’re trying to sell something to. It could be the department in the next office who is counting on me to perform my job so that they can do their job, such as an accounting department expecting reports from other departments. A better example might be the human resources department. The customers for a company’s HR department would be all the employees in the company who are counting on the HR people to take care of their HR needs. It would be expected that if the HR department does a poor job of customer service there will be a bunch of unhappy employees in the company.

For a church staff the customers would be more than just the regular attenders or the first time visitors. On a large church staff there are certainly particular staff positions that depend on others (like customers) to do their job (provide a service) effectively. Other customers for church staff invlolve the volunteers. The general attenders are customers to the volunteers of course. But even bigger than that the general attenders AND volunteers are customers of the staff.

Have you ever been to a place of business where you’re a regular customer and the owner knows you so you get preferential treatment? We probably all have. What about the opposite? Have you ever been a regular customer to a business that only gives good service to new customers but once they’ve “got you” the service is bad – sometimes rude and arrogant? Sure you have. If you have cable or a mobile phone you’ve experienced 2nd rate service despite being a loyal customer – or am I the only one who dreads calling those companies.

In church it works the same way. If you’ve spent any time at all in church you’ve seen the staff person who is so familiar with the regular attenders that they walk right past you without so much as a head nod so that they can go pay attention to the new visitor. It’s great to offer great service to new visitors (customers) but should the regulars at church be treated like cable customers? The opposite would be detrimental to churches too – treating the new visitors like outsiders who aren’t welcome because the regular attenders (repeat customers) get the preferential treatment.

I’ve got a good business illustration for how church staff can come across to their volunteers too. I’m a regular cable internet and mobile phone customer and any time I have to call those companies I get the same frustrating experience every time. They’re busy and they’re less than thrilled about having to troubleshoot the technical problem or they aren’t flexible to help you with something that isn’t an every day situation. But they still send me junk mail every week wanting me to buy more stuff from them. That’s kinda like the church staff person who is always unpleasant because there aren’t enough volunteers or the volunteers aren’t doing enough for them or the volunteers are showing up late, etc. But they continue to ask the same volunteers to subscribe to more volunteering despite the unpleasant experience. Eventually the volunteers get burnt out. If you read the links I linked to on Tony Morgan’s blog recently you read the wisdom of a very successful pastor on this subject – Ed Young.

(Side note – There are extreme cases in everything just like the legalistic traditionalist who has a butt mold on “their pew”. I’ve seen situations where it seemed like church staff were snotty to everyone like they have elite status being on staff or something. I’ve also seen volunteers that are almost leaches because they’re too eager to serve or they’re trying too hard to get in on the elite staff status or something, but all that’s a different subject. The point is there are always certain people attending church, working at church, or volunteering at church that screw things up).

So how does a church perfect their customer service to give the best experience to the people they want to attract and keep? I didn’t claim to have all the answers but from what I’ve seen I think it is a balancing act. For example – I’ve seen some churches do a good job just greeting everyone while others do a good job with the brief “shake hands with everyone around you” kind of thing during a service so that regulars and visitors alike experience welcomeness (I’ve also seen churches fail miserably at both approaches). Likewise, I’ve seen some churches do a great job incentivizing volunteers while others might be better at giving them purpose and inspiration. Every church has its own unique balance of what works and doesn’t to successfully serve their ‘customers’. Referring to Ed Young’s advice again – he mentioned using variety. Mix it up and keep it fresh.

Visitors aren’t coming back? Maybe the regulars or volunteers are being too clicky and the visitors don’t feel welcome. Can’t get the volunteer effort needed? Give them more than coffee and donuts as an incentive, or do more than beg and complain to encourage more participation. Knowing and understanding the balance is the first and most difficult task and after that it has to be monitored and adjusted to keep it in balance. That’s customer service, and it can apply in everything we do – including church.

A New Blogger Out There

I heard from a very reliable source that there is a new blogger out here in blog-world. It is the one and only Jake Beaty. You might recall my mention of him in these posts. Now I know some of you who read this blog might be wondering who that is and why you should care that he has a blog, so I’ll give you some reasons that I’m going to read his blog.

  • He and I have a couple of things in common – a passion for relationships and a love of basketball (he played b-ball in college so he loves that more than I do, but still…I love to play).
  • He is an outstanding teacher and counsellor on the subject of relationships and marriage and he communicates so well both speaking and writing.
  • God has blessed him and NewSpring with an amazing ministry for relationships. The Biblical material on relationships and marriage that Jake and his team have put together is so thorough and creative yet understandable and applicable. It’s the best I’ve ever seen and I’ve said it before on here – I’ve seen a lot as a preachers kid.
  • I’ve gotten to know him just a tiny bit through volunteering. He’s one that you don’t get to know very well unless you have an opportunity to spend some time around him (I’m kinda like that too – don’t initiate conversations very often). So I’m hoping his blog reveals more and more about him to get to know him better.
  • The best reason of all to read his blog is to give him comments and a lot of uplifting…because he’s really short and I think it makes him self conscious.

Anyway, go check out Jake Beaty .com. I know you won’t be disappointed.

What Started the Unlimited Sex Myth

You’ve heard people make statements to single guys like “you think being married gives you the freedom to just have sex whenever you want but you’re wrong”, and then they at least imply that the reason is because sex just isn’t as important to women as it is to men or that there will be lots of times when the man wants to have sex but the wife doesn’t so they won’t etc etc. But I’ve never heard anyone say why guys ever started wrongly thinking that just by getting married they would be able to have unlimited sex. What started this confusion? I’ve come up with my own theory for how guys “unlimited sex” myth got started.

A long long time ago a lady (probably Eve or just a couple of generations later) was talking to her daughter about sex and told her “one day when you’re married you’ll be able to have sex as much as you want”. She continued to explain that the daughter should keep this secret of marriage to herself until her own daughter is born and old enough to understand.

After getting married the daughter found her mother was correct. She enjoyed sex with her husband as often as she wanted. However, she didn’t keep it a secret like her mother told her. She told her best friend who told her sister who told her friend who told their cousin who told their neighbor and so on and so on.

Eventually the secret was spread to all humankind and everyone was happy and anxious to become married so they could enjoy unlimited sex. The problem is men have never figured out that the secret started between a mother and daughter and only applies to women.

Just thought I should share this story. I think Jesus left it out of his parables in the Bible or something. That or the disciples were too frustrated to talk about it with him. Either way now we know it is NOT “married people can have sex as much as they want”. It is “married WOMEN can have sex as much as they want – which is a fraction as much as the man wants”.

Don’t You Know What Causes That?

If you’re a man and you’ve ever had a pregnant wife you’ve had someone ask you this question. Well we’re on pregnancy number four now (that’s right – cause one of them was a miscarriage) and people are still asking me “Don’t you know what causes that”. That’s supposed to be funny or something so I play along. A better cliche line to say to me might be “dang – don’t you know when to quit”. But I’d like to respond with something mean or silly. Here are some of my ideas for how to respond to “Don’t you know what causes that?”:

  • “Yeah, but your momma obviously didn’t” (any response with ‘your momma’ is classic to me and this response inults the listener’s very existence because his momma didn’t know how to prevent him from being born – great comeback I think).
  • “No, but I would really like for you to tell me” (this one would be great when someone asks me that question in a large crowd of people – I would say it as serious as possible and insist on getting an explanation right there in front of everybody – but not just any explanation will do – they’re going to have to put up with me acting stupid like I don’t understand anything they’re saying and they’re going to have to find a more explicit way to make it clear to me).
  • “It seems like they taught something about it in seventh grade but I didn’t take notes” (now that’s just silly and keeps the humor about me).
  • “My parents tried to warn me about kissing and holding hands a long time ago so we’ve just been doing lots of other stuff and she still got pregnant” (my parents didn’t really say that stuff to me but I heard of other parents who told their kids stuff like that).
  • “I’m still trying to figure it out and as long as it’s still working we’re just gonna keep doing everything we’ve been doing until we pinpoint exactly what the cause is”.

I’m sure there are a lot more funny ways to respond. Share your ideas in the comments. 

Making Good Ripples or Know When To Quit

A couple of weeks ago I shared an article about Making Ripples. The writer made a good point that “if you strive to be loved by everyone you will end up being loved by no one”. Yesterday I used some examples of Not Knowing When to Quit to illustrate the lack of discernment I can have at times.

This has been a challenge I’ve been faced with a lot the last several months. It seems God is trying to show me something. All my thoughts seem to come down to the question of when would God consider it appropriate to make ripples and when would he consider it appropriate to know when to quit? I’ve gone to the word and want to share what I’m learning.

In case you’ve never visited BibleGateway it is an excellent source for reading the Bible in many translations. I like to read the NIV and then The Message, and sometimes the Amplified. It’s worth the time to read them (the links in this post go to NIV, to read other translations select them in the dropdown list at the top of the page and click the Update button).

Here’s the questions I’ve had over the last several months and the answers I’ve found:

Is it wrong to use cuss words? This is where it started. I actually asked a minister this question and he told me the answer is really no, that cuss words aren’t specifically adressed in the Bible, but “foolish talk” and “coarse joking” are addressed in Ephesians 5. But how do we define “foolish talk” and “coarse joking”? I mean it might seem obvious to a legalistic traditionalist but what about those of us who don’t care for the holier than thou crap? So that got me asking…

Where do you draw the line? This question lead me to 1 Peter 2:17 which eventually got me thinking that maybe proper respect is caring what offends someone. But what about the Making Ripples article? It is impossible to stand for anything and never offend someone. So I ask…

When should being offensive matter? A parable in Matthew 15:10-20 gave me some insight. So if anything in verse 19 applies to me it makes me “unclean”. At this point I knew I was guilty. I felt like I had heard from the Lord through conviction, so I wanted to seek wisdom and definitive instruction on the matter. Probably not a better way to do that than…

God, speak to me through your word. Proverbs is always a wonderful place for gaining wisdom and instruction that is sobering and challenging. Here’s the list of passages I came across that spoke to me in many ways.

Proverbs 2:11-15
Proverbs 4:23-25
Proverbs 8:7-9
Proverbs 8:12-14
Proverbs 10:30-32
Proverbs 14:2-4
Proverbs 16:27-29
Proverbs 17:19-21
Proverbs 18 entire chapter
Proverbs 19:1-3
Proverbs 30:32-35

This is probably only the tip of the iceburg of what I will find as I seek God’s guidance in my life to become the better person he intends for me to be. It has been a painful growing process and it probably always will be. I found myself guilty of going too far again this past weekend as I blurted out an inappropriate statement taking a line of humor too far. I’m still learning when to quit.

(It’s funny how I’ve literally been writing this very post over the process of several weeks, and then Perry posted this yesterday – I’ve certainly been miserable about all this so I’m getting it out).

What do I conclude about making ripples and knowing when to quit? As long as my beliefs are in line with God’s word I have to learn to only make ripples when my intentions are for something that matters, and I have to learn when to quit anything else.

…After already getting a comment on this post I have to add another scripture reference that was shared with me in the comment – thanks Joey. Romans 14 (the whole chapter) pretty much sums up exactly what I’m learning.

Not Knowing When To Quit

Here’s another life lesson from my perspective – something that is challenging me to think and change my behavior.

I remember growing up my brother Matt and I would wrestle and fight like siblings do. It seemed more and more through the years that Matt never knew when to quit until he got hurt. It got so bad in our teen years that I would hurt him on purpose just to get him to quit. He’d get mad about the knot on his head but he’d quit. He still has a complex about it and still tries to pick a friendly fight with me once in a while. I just try to keep it friendly without reminding him too harshly that I’m still his big bad brother (even though he is a little larger than me now). This is just a comical example of what I’m talking about when I say – “not knowing when to quit”.

Being older I find I still run in to situations where it seems like people (myself included) don’t know when to quit. Maybe it’s the friend who always has a one-up on whatever story somebody is telling and they just don’t quit until they have the grandest story. That is usually funny to watch taking place to me, although it can be extremely annoying if there are two people like that in the same conversation. Maybe it is the person who is so competitive they go way over the top with how serious they play a board game – they just don’t know where to draw the line of ridiculous. I could probably make a long list of people who at various times and various scenarios don’t know when to quit, but instead I’ll keep it about me and examples of humor gone bad. Anyone who knows me knows I love a good laugh, but I think I’m re-learning some boundaries so I’ll know when to quit.

Since I was raised up a preachers kid it is easy for me to make fun of preachers and/or church, especially pentacostal, and I know there have been times when my making fun has been inappropriate (like around mine and Shawna’s dad’s – both pentacostal preachers, or around people who don’t have a clue what I’m joking about because they’ve never been exposed to pentacostal church). I’ve had to admit that I’ve gone too far and try not to cross that line any more. I might still slip up but I at least admit using discernment is necessary so I try and know when to quit. It’s probably easier for me to not know when to quit concerning this because of how I grew up – in pentacostal church.

Here’s another example of how people can go too far. I grew up in a family that doesn’t particularly like fat jokes (read in to that however you want I guess – we’re all a bit overweight ok – I said it). I would hear people make a fat joke and I would shrug it off and maybe even chuckle. They would continue with more fat jokes and I would begin to be annoyed – no longer laughing. If they didn’t know when to quit I would remind them the family I come from and let them know they don’t have to take it so far. To me this is an example of how most people like myself can be a good sport about something in moderation but it can go too far. If only they knew when to quit we could have gone without the awkward moments of me being annoyed and them feeling like I was booing them off a comedy stage.

I’ll put the monkey on my back one more time… For many years I offended people by going too far joking about mentally handicapped people. It was easy for me to joke about because at an early age I knew people at my dad’s churches who were mentally handicapped and all through my school years I always noticed the mentally handicapped kids and made humor (usually acting like I was mentally handicapped myself) just to get a laugh out of my friends. I would get dirty looks from people but I would just keep on joking. Why? I don’t know. Either because I didn’t care if I was annoying and offending people or because I cared more about getting a laugh out of my immature friends who were encouraging me to “do it again” referring to the little retarded act I did. Hind site is 20/20 though – there were people who actually avoided being around me until years later when I grew up and stopped acting like that.

Is it wrong for me to knowingly continue to annoy someone with something they find repulsive? How do we know where to draw those lines? Is it only where we draw the line of sin? How do we draw such a fine line for our humor in today’s culture without being legalistic? Where does the Bible really say anything about this kind of stuff. Should we just not give a rip what anybody else thinks or should we use at least some level of discernment and moderation?

As you can see – I’m guilty. I used to poke fun about my brother not knowing when to quit but I’ve done the same thing in more serious ways and crossed boundaries when it wasn’t necessary. The stories I’ve shared here are probably mild instances to say the least.

I don’t know a definitive answer to any of the questions and challenges. I’m trying to figure all this out myself. Tomorrow I’ll share what I’ve been reading in scripture.

Prayer Requests

  • Steven Furtick rocked the house at NewSpring yesterday. Excellent speaker. Great encourager. Inspiring passion. Now that I know about his growing church in Charlotte that is a lot like NewSpring I’m even more open to moving there (that possiblity has crossed my mind many times since most of the opportunity for me in what I currently do for income is in the Charlotte area). Pray for God’s guidance in my career.
  • Speaking of work… Pray for me. I’m incredibly busy with my current clients and I need a lot more. Pray that I manage my time, my priorities, and my income with good stewardship. I’ve got a new baby on the way which means I’ll need more time and money before I know it, so I’m trusting the Lord to provide. I think he’s been telling me to have a yard sale…
  • Speaking of the new baby on the way… Pray for Shawna. She didn’t have “morning” sickness with either of Devin and Skyler so I guess she’s getting a triple whammy this time. She has been pretty much incapacitated with “all day” sickness for about a week with no end in sight. Pray that she can eat and hydrate without feeling like she’s gonna hurl.
  • Since Shawna has been incapacitated I’ve been in high-speed action mode around the house. Doing everything I normally get done as well as everything Shawna normally gets done. But I worry that Devin and Skyler aren’t getting as much of our attention as they need. Pray that I keep up with everything and stay patient with Devin and Skyler so we don’t all go nuts.
  • On top of it all this week is Summer Blockbuster (NewSprings version of VBS) so we’ll be very busy volunteering for that……
  • You know what – just say this prayer – “Lord help those Asbell people. They’ve got issues.”

Friday 13th

Ok, the title is misleading. I never even saw those movies because they came out when I was still young enough to live under my parents roof where there was at least a perception that we were being sheltered from all evil. But I’ve heard other folks tell of how their lives weren’t nearly as peachy as mine growing up, so I guess I’m fortunate to have parents who cared.

Now that I’m older and more mature I find myself watching crap that I would have never been allowed to watch as a youngster. I just have to be careful that none of it causes me to cross the boundaries I like to keep control of regarding sexual impurity and taking the Lord’s name in vain (I can’t stand it when movies use GD – totally unnecessary).

I love movies though. Never knew it was such a passion until a few years ago when I started spending time with other guys who like movies (my friend Lenny and his son Christian, and my brothers-in-law David and Kyle).

Anyway…. this is really random. I’m in the mood for a freaky scary movie on this infamous date. Any suggestions??

P-P-P-Pregnant!!

That’s right. Shawna is pregnant. We wanted to wait to make it public because we’ve already experienced the loss of having a miscarriage and we’re only about 6 weeks in to this pregnancy so we’re kinda excited, kinda nervous. However, we announced it to the family yesterday so the secret is out, especially with my sister (Lisa) who can’t keep a secret like this – she is part of the mouth of the south club. I had everyone worried when I started acting like I was taking a new job and moving even farther away, and then I told them I was pulling their leg – that the truth is Shawna is pregnant. It didn’t work when I tried it again on Lisa because I wasn’t as nervously convincing and because I tried adding details to the false story that made it unrealistic – like we were moving to San Diego.

Anyway, we’re still in the early stages but Shawna is pregnant, so please pray for her and baby’s health and for my own sanity as I’m naturally happy but overwhelmed by the responsibility of expecting a third child in the family.

Random – NewSpring Childrens Ministry

Ok I’ve had some random thoughts on my mind lately about NewSpring children’s ministry.
Summer Blockbuster is coming up and we’re volunteering for it again this year. The only difference is I’ve had to make it known my gift is not patience with a group of 10 or so eight-year-old boys. Last year I had a small group of such boys and it was the longest week of the whole year. Therefore, this year I’m doing something hospitality something something. I’m glad to serve where there is a need but I’m not trying to pull the wool over anybody’s eyes. I don’t want to hurt some random kid’s feelings when he gets on my last nerve and doesn’t listen to me.
Speaking of volunteering to help with kids. Shawna and I volunteer in the kids area every Sunday (basically serving the other volunteers – not working with kids unless we have to – I can handle wild kids when it is only occasionally for short periods of time).
Anyway, I’d just like to make a couple of observations from my point of view. The mostly women and handful of men who volunteer in those kids rooms are the most over-worked and under-appreciated volunteers in the whole building on Sunday. They have to be in those rooms 30-45 minutes before church starts (as opposed to lounging in volunteer headquarters around the food), they get the leftover food from volunteer headquarters that somebody like me and Shawna might be able to bring them if we’re lucky enough to get to it before random grazers eat it all, they have to listen to and deal with all the screaming children, they have to change diapers and clean up spills, they have to stay in the rooms until the last parent picks up their child, and they have to do all of this with too few people because there aren’t enough people volunteering to work in the kids area.
It is very frustrating to watch and I am probably venting about something that isn’t my business, but I hate to see staff people getting stressed because there aren’t enough volunteers. More importantly I hate to see volunteers getting beat up and burnt out over it because if that keeps up there won’t be ANY volunteers in the kids area. Ok that’s all I’m going to say about that.
God bless the people who work with the children. They deserve it.