Gabby Giffords & Mark Kelly

November 15, 2011 by Mark Asbell 1 Comment

The story of the miraculous recovery of congress woman Gabrielle Giffords was told last night on TV. January 8, 2011 she was shot in the head with little chance of surviving but she is once again full of life. The story fascinates me not only because of the miraculous recovery but because of the relationship between her and her husband Mark Kelly. Truly amazing.

Here are the things that stood out most to me as I watched the story:

Faith – Mark videod the recovery because he expected it was going to happen.

Failure is not an option – Mark set goals for Gabby to challenge her natural drive and he was there every step of the way. He told her things like “You have not been beaten, you’ve just been beat up.”

Positive attitude – Mark put up a sign outside the room telling everyone “no crying” and another one to himself to remind him to take a deep breath and stay focused before he entered the room.

Unity – Mark was united with Gabby’s mother and they shared their hope and all the efforts toward recovery.

The sky is not the limit. Mark is an astronaut and that is one of their mottos. Both Mark and Gabby are aiming for what seems like impossible goals. We just have to believe it’s possible.

Tough as nails. When asked to describe Mark the words Gabby used were “tough as nails”. He feels the same about her. Their love for each other is sp obvious and strong, tough as nails… We all can be inspired and encouraged by their story and example of how marriage should bedding better or worse.

Filed Under: Faith, Personal Growth, Relationships

Greenville Mud Run and Some Life Lessons

November 14, 2011 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

Several weeks ago I had the privilege of torturing myself through a 3.5 mile and 35 obstacle US Marine style course called the Goodwill Mud Run. It was a blast considering the cuts and pains, the fact that I was not in shape for it, and the mud in places I didn’t know mud could go.

As I look back on that experience I’m reminded of a few financial relationship principles we need to keep in mind:

Sometimes It Ain’t Pretty

The crazy thing for me about the mud run is the obstacles weren’t the hard part. I was fine as long as we were on an obstacle. I can push right through that sort of exertion. It wasn’t the cuts and pains or even the mud that made it difficult for me (although I did get about a gallon of it in my mouth on the very first mud-hole). Where I struggled the most was during the running from one obstacle to the next.

I hate running for the sake of running, so I just don’t do it enough. There’s really only two things that effectively motivate me to run – Shawna (when she is running), and playing ball (usually basketball). When it comes to the constant and steady pounding of the leg muscles for running long distance, I suck.

Needless to say running 3.5 miles with zero training before the event was not pretty for me. It didn’t matter that I had mud in my bleeding cuts and every time I spit there was as much mud as saliva. I felt like my lungs were refusing to absorb oxygen in protest of what I was putting my body through. My chest had that awful cold feeling you get after running hard in cool weather for about four days after the event. It was terrible.

Sometimes working through life’s challenges is going to be ugly and we’re going to have to do things we don’t like to do because it is necessary to reach the goal.

Finishing The Race Eventually is Better Than Not Finishing At All

The Mud Run is very much like a Marine training course. They even have real Marines in uniform out there yelling at you all through the course. I don’t know the background on the Mud Run, but I guess in the spirit of the Marine way you don’t run this race as individuals – you do it in teams.

My team was awesome. I was not. My friend organized the team and must have either thought I was in better shape or he wanted to get me in better shape – all at once.

I was the slowest runner on the team. What little ground I was able to make up by going through the obstacles faster than my teammates was quickly lost by running so much slower than them from one obstacle to the next. I tried my best to keep up but about halfway through I realized if I didn’t slow down to a pace I could sustain my legs might give out, I might hurl, or worse (my family has history of heart issues and I already have the cholesterol).

It didn’t feel good knowing that I couldn’t get there faster. I could have pushed it and might have been fine, but I had reached a level of pain that was as far as I wanted to go. It felt like as much as I could bear at the time.

Sometimes we need to push ourselves harder, but sometimes we need to accept that reaching a goal is going to take longer than we want it to. It’s better to get there eventually than to not get there at all.

Finish The Race Together

My three teammates knew we had to finish the race together, and they were very good sportsman to me – the team anchor (not in the good sense – like I was an anchor they were having to drag 🙂 ). They challenged me to push myself and they encouraged me to keep going. That helped me more than they know. If it wasn’t for them I might still be out there meandering my way through the course and asking myself “Why am I doing this?”.

Surprisingly enough my friend who invited me to be on the team asked me to do it again in the Spring. That is either true muv (man-love) or he doesn’t know anyone else dumb enough to say yes. I accepted the challenge and promised I will be in better shape for it next time (maybe a lighter anchor).

It matters that we have accountability in our lives. It matters that we have support around us. It matters for whatever goal is in front of you now and whatever the next goal is after that.

Work through the ugly stuff, make steady progress toward the eventual goal, and finish together.

Question: Have you ever participated in a mud run or other race and had a similar experience as me? Will you hold me accountable to getting in better shape for next time?

Filed Under: Health, Misc, Money, Personal Growth, Relationships, Stories

Planning for Christmas 2011

November 9, 2011 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

Christmas is coming on December 25th again this year! Seems to always be on December 25th. I hope you remembered that and more importantly I hope you have a plan.

Are you going to work together to decide what gets funded and what doesn’t?

The spenders will spend everything in the bank plus some by using the credit card. They don’t care if it takes until Christmas 2012 to pay off Christmas 2011 as long as everyone gets what they want and they are happy. The spender wants to live in the moment as though it is their last.

The savers would rather hide money, recycle gifts, or exchange awkward smiles than spend money they don’t have. They could care less if anyone gets any gifts as long as there is still money left in the bank when the holidays are over and no new debt to worry about. The saver is more concerned about tomorrow and is alright with the thought that there might not be a tomorrow because if there isn’t they won’t be here to regret it anyway.

I think everyone would agree those are different extremes and neither is healthy financially or relationally. The key is communication and compromise and the craziest thing happens when we do that effectively – everyone gets to be happy. There is POWER in working TOGETHER.

How will YOU decide what gets funded for Christmas this year?

Use this tool and come up with a “his”, “her”, and “reality” plan using the three different tables to decide how much will be spent on Christmas and on who or what will it be spent.

Filed Under: Money

Note To Financial Coaches

November 2, 2011 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

I want today’s post to be directly to all the financial coaches at NewSpring Church as well as coaches the IWBNIN team has trained across the country. What we do is not always easy and I know at times it can be very frustrating and down right discouraging. But we’re called to do it.

Last week I was reading a passage of scripture that made me think of everyone who is serving as a financial coach:

(Matthew 9:35-38 NIV). Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.”

Dear Fellow Coach, There are so many people out there who need our help and we are the workers out in the field helping show them the way to applying God’s word to how they manage their money.

You are a leader.

By most people’s definition of “leader” you might not think of yourself as one. But I do. You are LEADING people through a process of planning their finances to honor God and their family. That makes you a leader.

Sometimes leaders get discouraged when they don’t see fruit for their efforts. For financial coaches this happens when you’re trying to help the person who seems to have lost all hope and drive to change their situation. Maybe they don’t do what they say they’re going to do and you want to just shake some sense into them…in Jesus name.

I want to encourage you to think back on the very first question you were asked when you went through the training to be a financial coach.

“Why are you here?”

You might even need to dust off the booklet from the class and read what you wrote in that blank to remind yourself. What is it that drives you to volunteer your time to help someone you don’t even know?

For me it is a passion for saving marriages (either current or future ones) by helping people get the money issue right because I know first hand what an impact financial coaching and getting the money issue under control can have on marriage.

Remind Yourself Often

I recently shared with the coaches at the Anderson NewSpring campus that I sometimes struggle with negative expectations of people and I let this poorly affect my attitude about showing up. It shouldn’t be that way if I’m reminding myself about my passion for helping others.

Keep your passion for helping others at the front of your mind and let that be the driving influence for your attitude about showing up and dealing with people no matter where they are in their situation. Let your passion show through as you challenge people to the next level. Let your passion show through as you encourage people through tough decisions.

Without your passion the people you’re helping might not get the spark of hope they need. Please keep your passion alive.

Filed Under: Money Tagged With: Financial Coaching

The Yard Sale Reminder

November 1, 2011 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

Yard sales are torture for me. I would rather give blood once a week than do a yard sale once a year, and the payoff would be just as good or better. I despise yard sales.

Meeting people and seeing them make use of stuff we no longer use is the fun part, not to mention they pay a little money for the stuff (the saying “one mans junk is another mans treasure is so true). Most of the people who have shown up at our yard sales over the years seem to be really good people.

Dragging all the stuff out, tagging it with prices, putting up signs, and getting up early for the professional yard sale ninjas who show up at 6:00 with a flashlight to look at your stuff – that’s the hard part. But none of that is what bothers me the most about doing yard sales.

The biggest reason I hate yard sales is because Shawna and I were forced to do them when we were broke. We only did them two different times but both times were miserable. We had small children to watch after, we were desperate to sell as much as we could because we needed the money, and some of the stuff we were selling we would have rather kept (but we needed the money). No matter how painful it was we did it anyway and I believe our diligent efforts were honored both times as God blessed us both times.

A couple of weekends ago Shawna and I decided to do another yard sale. It felt good that this time we weren’t desperate to sell stuff to make ends meet. Instead this time the most painful part was the loss of sleep. It was the first time we had even considered yard selling in the past couple of years because once we established margin in our finances we started just giving stuff away that we didn’t want anymore.

This time was different. Shawna and I are on a mission to de-clutter our house and make more sense of the space we have (our house isn’t large, we have three kids, and we want to stay here at least 3-5 more years or longer). As we began de-cluttering we realized we had enough must-go stuff to do a yard sale. I seriously considered donating it all like we normally have been doing (and getting a tax write off receipt), but I chose to do the yard sale instead – for one reason. I want to remember.

I don’t ever want to forget the humbling process we’ve been through, the tough decisions we had to make, the sacrifices. I don’t want to become someone who no longer understands and relates to what people are going through. I don’t want to be the guy that tells people to do things they’re not willing to do their self.

Our yard sale actually did well. We proved once again there is always something in the house that could sell to make a few hundred bucks. However, a bunch of leftover stuff still got donated. It’s a good feeling knowing we didn’t need to hold onto any of the stuff and we can just give it away. I couldn’t imagine doing that when we were broke. I can’t say I ever want the yard sale reminder again, but I do want to remember and if that means more yard sales in the future so be it.

Have you ever done a yard sale to make ends meet? Do you need to do one now?

Filed Under: Money

Waiting…At Least til Saturday

October 28, 2011 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

Here’s a quote worth sharing on the principle of delayed gratification. I heard this at an IWBNIN event from a wise gentleman probably in his 50’s:

“These days everything is right now. I remember when you used to have to wait for everything, even had to wait til Saturday to watch cartoons.”

I wonder what cartoons he watched way back then 🙂 Maybe he was talking about watching cartoons when his kids were young… Either way I knew what he was talking about. Many people are broke because they buy everything right now instead of waiting until it makes better sense financially.

What purchases are you delaying until it makes sense?

Filed Under: Money

McRib Is Back

October 26, 2011 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

This might be news to some, but the McRib sandwich has made it’s occasional comeback…for a limited time…just like every other time it makes a comeback. It’s a great marketing tactic, using limited availability to create huge spikes in demand for a product that would perform mediocre on an ongoing basis. For the true McRib sandwich fans it’s an opportunity they take advantage of as often as they can while they can. This type of marketing is all around us. “Act now while supplies last, for a limited time only.”

Sometimes I jump on these types of things too, and sometimes regret it, but I won’t be jumping on this one. Here are 5 reasons I will not be taking advantage of the McRib limited time offer:

I do not normally eat at McDonalds.
I am not a fan of McRib.
My arteries will be better off without McRib.
The air quality will be better off if my stomach doesn’t have to digest a McRib.
For about $12 more than the cost of McRib I can get a full rack of REAL quality ribs at a BBQ restaurant, and that sounds like a much better use of my eating out funds.

What about you? Are you a raving fan of the McRib?

Filed Under: Misc

Time Value

October 25, 2011 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

Time is Money! We’ve all heard that expression. It is so true even though we don’t think about it that way very often. But time is a very real commodity that all of us get the same amount of and we have to use it wisely. So it is one of the factors that comes in to play when Shawna and I are making financial decisions.

I recently saw this movie trailer that got me thinking about my time as money.

So I decided to calculate my per hour earnings based on about how many hours I work on average per work day, and I used the past two years of my Quicken data to do this. I went through all our spending categories to drill down how much each is costing me in terms of time. Then I consolidated it all into the summary lists below (Alphabetical and Most to Least):

I left the Automobile category split into subcategories to show that number is still being significantly impacted by our latest family minivan purchase at the end of 2009. That van has also been the worst vehicle ever for repairs. I’m still betting by the time we’re done with this van I’ll still be winning The Used Car Gamble. I also wanted to point out that gasoline (category Auto: Fuel) is by far the most significant portion of our overall auto expense. We drive a lot. Can you imagine how much our auto expenses would be if we added car payments along with higher new car insurance and registration? Auto expense is one area of our finances we have been pretty smart about from the beginning of our marriage (unlike some other categories).

There are categories on here that are encouraging to see how they fall in the time-value. One of them is tithe. I already knew the dollar amounts and that it is 10% of gross etc etc. But seeing that it is also 10% of the amount of time I work is another way of affirming my obedience to God.

Another encouraging category is a special investment I was able to make as soon as we got debt free. I don’t have saving on here because the report I generated in Quicken is only for spending. If I had included saving it would probably be near the top of the “Most To Least” list and would reduce every other time value by about 10%. Yes – I have made saving a priority even while paying down debt.

That brings me to one of the most encouraging categories to see – debt repayment. I could look at it as a depressing thing that sucked my time for the past two years, but I’m actually psyched out of my mind to have almost 2hrs a day of my work going from debt repayment to more productive things. I’m gonna be out of control when I get my house paid off – hopefully in the next five years.

One last thing to note about these lists is Shawna’s income is not accounted for in here. She does work and make a little bit of money, but her full time job is homeschooling our kids. So while I don’t have Shawna’s income or savings in the equation I do have an investment that was made with the savings in there and I do have categories that are business expenses that should technically be taken out of personal expenses. The net result is this is a pretty good way for me to look at what my time pays for.

Dr. John Maxwell is a bestselling author on the subject of leadership. He did a word-of-the-day on time that puts this whole topic in perspective. Watch it here.

Filed Under: Money, Personal Growth, Relationships

Bank Fees and Toothpaste

October 24, 2011 by Mark Asbell 2 Comments

Recently I’ve read a lot of hype about Bank of America, as well as other banks, implementing new fees that have customers a little disgruntled. Everyone is talking about whether or not they should change banks to avoid the fees. Anytime I hear talk of changing banks or anything even remotely similar to that one word enters my mind – HASSLE. Changing banks requires hours of tedious frustration with all the forms, proof, validation, verification, transfers, etc etc… usually to find out there is something in the fine print of every bank that is less than desirable.

Tell me if this is how the discussion might go in your house:

Her: The bank is charging us $5 per month. We could be getting that for free elsewhere.
Him: But it is such a hassle to change banks. It’s just not worth the hassle for me to save $60 per year.
Her: If it’s not worth the hassle to save $60 on that bank account then why should I be working so hard to save $60 on toothpaste each year?
Him: It’s a lot more hassle to change banks than it is to clip toothpaste coupons once a month.
Her: Oh really, then you can clip the coupons from now on.
Him: Ummmm. [or if he’s stupid he gets mad and continues the fight]

This scenario could play out with him or her on either side of the conversation.

Just like most households Shawna and I are very different when it comes to finances even though we have a pretty good system for both of us to be involved in the finances. But neither one of us wants to pay the bank fees for services that are free elsewhere. Will we change banks though? So far I haven’t because to me it just isn’t worth the time and energy it takes to avoid a fee that isn’t that significant in our grand scheme of things.

But wait a minute? I’m supposed to be doing everything I can to maximize every dollar. Just as I would want Shawna to maximize every grocery dollar I should maximize every banking dollar – right? This scenario presents itself in many budget categories. The lingering question is how do we decide when it is or isn’t appropriate to stick to the frugal practice of maximizing every dollar, and if we choose not to maximize one of my categories doesn’t that give Shawna a pass on maximizing one of her categories? It’s easy to see how this type of decision making can cause some financial disagreement. If it isn’t “fair” then one of us might feel hurt or taken for granted for our efforts.

Newsflash – it’s never going to be fair. Shawna has always said, “the fair is where you ride rides” (usually to our kids who have never even been to a fair). Even little decisions like this have to be taken on a case by case basis. Communication is required (I feel like a broken record saying that all the time). There should be no keeping of score and bringing up the past (although this is very difficult). The key is WORK TOGETHER.

In the next post I’ll discuss one other factor that helps Shawna and I make these decisions.

Filed Under: Money, Relationships

Solitary Confinement

October 13, 2011 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

A documentary on solitary confinement in prisons made me think about how the idea of solitary confinement applies to how some married couples treat each other regarding finances.

The idea of solitary confinement is intended to modify bad behavior by isolating dangerous individuals. This is what some spouses do to each other by separating their accounts or hiding savings. One spouse recognizes that the other is a reckless spender so they decide to separate accounts or open secret accounts to isolate the bad behavior and protect the finances from the reckless one.

Studies show that solitary confinement is extremely damaging to people. The same is true for spouses who are being left out of the financial decision making. Most relationships tend to have one spouse who wants to dominate the finances and expect the other spouse to live with it. Without balance that can cause emotional damage to the isolated spouse as well as to the relationship.

Studies show that loneliness impairs ones control over their impulses. Someone feeling that they’re all alone in the effort to improve their financial behavior could cause them to lack the ability to control their impulses and result in undesirable behavior. Everyone lacks in some area of life but no one should lack hope that they can change. Feeling alone in the effort to change challenges ones hope of ever succeeding.

Don’t put each other in financial solitary confinement. WORK TOGETHER! You CAN do this! I know you can. I believe in your ability to succeed. Don’t give up.

Filed Under: Money, Relationships