I’m 30 Years Old

January 31, 2008 by Leave a Comment

That’s right. I turned 30 this month. For some this is depressing but for me I’ve had enough fun to be happy about it.

First of all LSU won the National Championship – and I know it happened just to raise my spirits close to my 30th birthday.

Then Shawna, my wonderful wife, got me good with a surprise party I had no clue was going to take place.

What is funny about this is my birthday has always been probably the least hyped up of anybody other than my brother-in-law Kyle because his and mine are so soon after Christmas. So normally a couple of gifts, a cake, and some dinner is about all I’m accustomed to doing for my birthday.

Shawna celebrates her birthday the entire month of March. We eat out several times, she gets more gifts (in fact she already got some of her birthday gifts in January), she gets to relax more, and everybody knows it is Shawna’s birthday because she talks about it all month. I might be exaggerating a little but not much. Now if I was talking about how our kids birthdays are celebrated I couldn’t exaggerate it. There are not enough words to describe it. In fact I’m begging all our family to start having quarterly combined birthday parties so we can have one big huge bash instead of a bunch of small ones every 2 to 3 weeks.

The day of my birthday (which was before the surprise party) I opened a couple of gifts. I think Shawna gave me a card, and my parents sent a card with a gift card in it, and the kids had gotten me one dollar store gift each (we are tight-wads). It took like 3 minutes to open those so the kids were disappointed. They asked Shawna why I didn’t get more gifts. (My kids are so spoiled, and don’t you feel sorry for me?) I don’t have high expectations and gifts aren’t my top love language so this is no big deal to me. I told the kids “It’s ok guys – I love what I got and I’m so thankful.” I’ve been trying to teach the kids to be more thankful instead of more wantful anyway, so this was a good opportunity to show them some humility. Then I saw Shawna grinning (she had the big surprise up her sleeve for a later day).

I don’t know what I thought when I saw that grin on her face, but I’ll probably never forget what I said. With no humility and a smirk on my face I said to the kids “It’s really ok – Daddy doesn’t get to celebrate his birthday ALL MONTH like Mommy does.” On any other day that would have provoked a response, but she had a secret to keep. I should have known something was up. I thought she was just letting me get away with it because it was my birthday…

It was the best birthday I’ve had in about 30 years (when you get old like this you can start wording everything to sound like you’re ancient).

I’ll post pictures of all the birthday month events tomorrow… 

Filed Under: Family, Relationships

Dirty Little Secrets

November 9, 2007 by Leave a Comment

This writing is a great verbalization of a perspective I learned to adopt at a very early age growing up in church.  If I were writing it I would have said more critical stuff like – I don’t care who a person is, who they know, what their position is, what they’ve done, what they’ve won, or what picture is painted of them (by them or by their friends, family, or media, or whatever) – I’m looking at whatever I see and questioning the possibility that the exact opposite is true.  I really do have doubting thoughts like “I wonder if the Pope is really pure or if he has an entourage of people protecting that image while they know there is a woman in his hotel room?”  Fill in whoever you want in the place of ‘Pope’ – Pastor, Boss, Friend, and think of infinite scenarios I question in my mind other than the ‘woman in the hotel room’ example.  Maybe I think too much…  Just read this good article. 
Behind Closed Doors
By Robert Ringer
There is much truth to the axiom “No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.” Why do we assume that people in high positions don’t have realproblems? Lacking perfection ourselves, I believe we have a psychic need for perfection in important people.
From OJ to Robert Blake… from Britney to Lindsay… from Rep. Mark Foley to Senator Larry Craig… it’s amazing the things we plebians are discovering about what goes on behind the closed doors of the rich and famous.
The topper for me in this regard was the revelation that Tom Wolfe’s “right stuff” people – our astronauts – aren’t perfect after all. That door opened to the whole world when astronaut Lisa Nowak was arrested last February and charged with the attempted kidnapping of U.S. Air Force Captain Colleen Shipman, the girlfriend of astronaut William Oefelein.
When Tom Wolfe wrote The Right Stuff, I don’t think he had valedictorian/astronaut-turned-stalker Lisa Nowak in mind. And he certainly didn’t have wigs, diapers, rubber tubing, and serrated knives in mind.
What would cause such an all-American woman to flip her wig? (Pun intended.) The first thing that comes to mind is Buddha’s admonition that “all unhappiness is caused by attachment.”
It’s healthy and wonderful to fall in love… no argument on that point. But when a person’s love is so desperate – so irrationally based – that she is willing to commit acts of violence in order to keep the object of her affection in her clutches (which, of course, wouldn’t work anyway), her psyche is definitely in outer space.
It is somewhat self-evident that anyone who would go to such extremes is lacking in self-confidence and self-esteem. Again, love is wonderful. But when it becomes a life-or-death matter, I believe it reveals a neurotic – and possibly psychotic – insecurity.
Your happiness should never depend on how another person feels about you. Happiness results from feeling good about yourself. You cannot hold anyone emotionally captive, and you should never allow anyone to do it to you.
But, lack of self-confidence and self-esteem aside, Lisa Nowak’s antics should again remind us how true it is that “no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.” In this vein, I recall being on a national talk show in the late seventies, hosted by a well-known television personality (“Mike”). We subsequently became good friends, and often socialized together.
Mike and his wife (“Barbara”) were portrayed as the ultimate glamour couple, often appearing on magazine covers together. They were the poster couple for the media’s idea of “beautiful people,” and were frequent guests themselves on other major television shows. Their specialty? Giving advice on how to sustain a healthy marriage.
On one occasion, my wife and I went with Mike and Barbara to a concert at the Greek Theater. I remember the evening vividly. After getting out of the car, Barbara and my wife walked ahead of Mike and me, giving us an opportunity to chat privately.
At one point, I made a comment about what a lucky guy he was to be married to such a beautiful and nice woman as Barbara, and how happy they seemed to be. I was stunned when he replied, “Robert, I’m not happy at all. In fact, I’m miserable. I thought when I built the house for her (a little $5 million+ extravaganza in Beverly Hills), it would improve our marriage. But, instead, things are totally unraveling.”
Soon after that evening, rumors began flying around Tinseltown about Mike’s catching Barbara in bed with a ski instructor on a vacation in Aspen – followed shortly thereafter by his finding her in bed with their gardener! Pretty ugly stuff.
Mike and Barbara have been divorced for many years now, but their sad situation still has an impact on my thinking. I’ve long taken media hype with a grain of salt, and I’m not overly impressed with titles, awards, commendations, and the like. (Remember, the Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded to Yasser Arafat and Kofi Annan!)
But it’s not just famous people whose personal realities are often far different from the perceptions they convey. There are many people in everyone’s micro-world who are perceived to be important – civic leaders, church bigwigs, school officials, wealthy individuals, and those with impressive titles (e.g., “doctor,” “lawyer,” “judge,” “director”).
It’s fine to show respect to those who have earned their way to top positions in society, but it’s a mistake to assume that they live pristine, automaton-like lives when out of public view.
Whenever I hear a sordid tale – like that of an astronaut’s psyche being stranded in outer space – it confirms my long-held belief that many people in the highest stations (e.g., those who have the authority to press the nuclear button!) may very possibly have less emotional stability than you or I.
Not much you can do about that. But you can do a lot about your own psyche by not being overly impressed with the elites around you. And by never losing sight of the reality that no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
Filed Under: Business, Faith, Relationships

YOU Married Them!

November 7, 2007 by Leave a Comment

I can’t stand hearing some of the excuses people come up with to either divorce or maintain a terrible relationship with their spouse.  This is one of the best lessons of encouragement I’ve ever read in this area:

Second-Guessing In Marriage
by Steve Arterburn

At some point, almost every man feels incompatible with his spouse. During those times, most men secretly wonder if they should’ve married someone else. They harbor that secret from their wives for fear of hurting them. But truth be told, from time to you’re your wives probably entertain similar thoughts.
The real news here isn’t that people sometimes wish they’d married someone different; it’s that they’re misdiagnosing the issue at hand and the challenge it requires of them. Everybody goes through difficult periods in marriage. At times everybody feels like throwing in the towel. And if you want to know the truth, everybody—at least in one sense—did marry the wrong person!
While teaching a marriage course at Notre Dame, a professor used to give his students one absolute: you always marry the wrong person. “It’s a reversible absolute, though,” said Hauerwas, “You always marry the right person. The point is we don’t know who we are marrying.”
Professor Hauerwas is right. The knowledge you have of your spouse on your wedding day is unavoidably incomplete. Furthermore, both of you will change and develop over the course of your lives. Consequently, neither person knows exactly what the promise they’re making to one another will entail. The promise is bold, challenging, and ripe with reward.
Therefore, rather than ask if you’ve married the wrong person, try asking how you can learn to better love and care for the person you’ve married! 
Filed Under: Relationships

Divorce Rate

October 2, 2007 by Leave a Comment

I heard on the radio that the divorce rate we’ve been hearing from the media for about 10 years isn’t actually as bad as it sounds.  There are two reasons why.  The census is the source of that statistic and they had an error in their count (I didn’t hear the detail of that but it had something to do with how many people were reaching their 25th anniversary).  Also affecting the numbers is the fact that less people are actually getting married – more people are just living together.  They said the divorce rate is actually better than it was in the 70’s and has been getting better ever since then.  Why am I pointing this all out?  Two reasons. 
1.       If the census screwed up how they were measuring it in the first place I wonder if they actually took in to account how many people’s spouse DIED before their 25th anniversary. 
2.       Regardless of whether or not it is being measured right I think marriage is still a wonderful thing and there is still hope for people who want to have a successful marriage – despite whatever the census and media say.
Filed Under: Relationships

Fabulous Anniversary!

October 1, 2007 by Leave a Comment

This past weekend was mine and Shawna’s 7th wedding anniversary.  We enjoyed ourselves so much the only word we could use to describe it was fabulous (Shawna said it first and I thought it was appropriate).  I want to share some details about what we did and encourage every man I know to take advantage of this deal – it is so worth this investment in your relationship.  After I read that the 7th anniversary is so critical I was determined Shawna and I were going to enjoy our 7th anniversary somehow or another.  That’s when Shawna found this deal… 
Headquarters Day Spa and Hyatt Regency, both in Greenville, are somehow partnered up and offer a Relaxation Package. 
The full body massage was a first for me so I don’t have anything else to compare it to, but it was fabulous.  Shawna has had massages before and said that what she got was better.  She said even if the massage was about the same the atmosphere was better at Headquarters Spa than at the place she has been before.  I like to give Shawna massages sometimes but I am no pro like the ladies who massaged us and there was just something definitely more relaxing about us both being pampered at the same time in the same room and neither of us doing the work.
The hotel room was the nicest I’ve ever stayed in, and I’ve stayed in some fairly nice places.  There was actually a catalog in the room that showed what the stuff in the room costs (I guess they know you’ll like it so much you’ll be curious how to get the stuff).  I don’t know if it was the $1500 king sized mattress or the six $70 pillows that made it the most comfortable bed I’ve ever slept in.  There was a flat screen TV, a huge window that looks out to the streets of Greenville, comfortable chairs/table/desk etc.  I could go on and on about the nice stuff, but then there was the service.  They took care of our parking, gave us vouchers for their restaurant for the excellent breakfast buffet, and brought chocolate dipped strawberries and bottled water (we got water b/c Shawna is pregnant and didn’t want the champagne they offered) to our room.  All of this was included in the price – ALL OF IT.  We didn’t have to pay gratuity or taxes or anything.  The total price is the $299 listed on the link I provided above. 
While we were there we enjoyed our favorite things to do in downtown Greenville (which is right where the Hyatt is – right on Main St. in walking distance to everything).  We went to Lemongrass, our favorite Thai restaurant, to Marble Slab for dessert, and to the Reedy River Park. 
This was the best anniversary we’ve had.  We will definitely be recommending the relaxation package to everyone we know and we will definitely take advantage of it again.  It is so worth it!
Filed Under: Relationships

Wedding Expenses

September 14, 2007 by Leave a Comment

Shawna does weddings. I’d just like to remind everyone of that in case you or anyone you know is having one anytime in the future. She does a great job too. One of these days I want to make her a website and help her get more business because it is something she really loves to do and she’s so good at it.

Anyway, what got me talking about this besides just Shawna’s love for weddings. MyMoneyBlog wrote this about his own wedding expenses and he took an interesting survey about how much people are spending on weddings. Mine and Shawna’s wedding was somewhere in the $5000-$15000 range and Shawna and her mother pretty much did it all (I had little involvement so I don’t even know who all else to give credit to except my parents who handled the traditinal ‘grooms parent’ responsibilities). The impressive part to me is most wedding expenses are directly correlated to how many people are there. We had over 300 people at our wedding, which is well above the average wedding, but the cost was still in the range of what most reasonable weddings cost based on the survey of normal people done by MyMoneyBlog.

If you haven’t had a wedding yet or you know someone who hasn’t (we all know someone meeting that criteria) then keep Shawna in mind – she can put on a great looking wedding as cost effectively as possible. If you already had a wedding you might also find the expense survey results interesting.

Where did your wedding fall on the survey MyMoneyBlog took? 

Filed Under: Money, Relationships

Listen To Passionate People

September 4, 2007 by Leave a Comment

Who are you listening to? What are you listening to? I choose to listen to people who are knowledgable and passionate about what they’re speaking about. That is why I love to hear Perry Noble speak about Jesus and introducing people to him. That is why I love to hear Jake Beaty speak about marriage and relationships. That is why I love to hear Joe Sangl speak about finances.

If you’ve read my blog much at all you’ve probably seen me link to Joe before. Now we can all experience Joe’s passion, experience, and knowledge via podcast. Click here and pick which link applies to you. You can hear the passion in his voice and I can tell you from my own personal experience with him he knows what he is talking about and he’s smoking what he’s selling. Check it out.

Filed Under: Faith, Money, Personal Growth, Relationships

Relationships ARE Important

August 24, 2007 by Leave a Comment

Worth sharing about how important relationships can be even in unconventional ways…

How Success in Relationships Can Make You a Success in Other Areas
By Steve Kroening

So often in business you hear about the guy who makes it to the top because he ran over everyone to get there. While people who use these types of win-at-all-cost tactics still find a way to succeed, more and more of these people are getting fired, moved to the sidelines, or left behind. Why? Because people have found a better way to win. And it’s a tactic that can help you regardless of your occupation or calling in life.

This tactic is called “pursuing in love.” And here’s an example of how it works:
I recently heard a story about a man who ran for the Georgia State House of Representatives. To win his seat, he had to beat out seven other candidates from his own party. But the next time he ran, he ran completely unopposed. When asked what happened in the years between elections, he said, “After I was elected, I pursued all of the candidates I beat out. I got to know them, and tried to help them in any way I could. When the next election came around, they all knew me and liked me, so they didn’t want to run against me.”

He turned his enemies into friends simply by pursuing them and serving them. He could have snubbed his nose at them instead, and said, “I won, so I’m obviously better than you.” He didn’t have to pursue them. But doing so won them over to his side.

Taking the initiative with other people is a vital part of relationships that most people miss. We’re all too busy hoping others will pursue us. And when they don’t, we complain about it. We all have a desire to be pursued, so think about how others will feel when you pursue them. You’ll make their day.

Here’s how you can get started. Make a list of 5-10 people who you would like to pursue. They might be business associates, neighbors, visitors at your church, or people you meet at a social function. Once you have the list of people, find their phone numbers and write them down beside their names. Then, schedule a time to call them and talk. Don’t call for a favor or to get something you need. Call to serve them and find out how they’re doing.

If it’s possible, stop by and see them or invite them to lunch or breakfast. Pour your life into them. As you develop these relationships, find other people to add to your list and begin to pursue them. You never know where the relationships will take you.

Filed Under: Relationships

A New Blogger Out There

July 26, 2007 by Leave a Comment

I heard from a very reliable source that there is a new blogger out here in blog-world. It is the one and only Jake Beaty. You might recall my mention of him in these posts. Now I know some of you who read this blog might be wondering who that is and why you should care that he has a blog, so I’ll give you some reasons that I’m going to read his blog.

  • He and I have a couple of things in common – a passion for relationships and a love of basketball (he played b-ball in college so he loves that more than I do, but still…I love to play).
  • He is an outstanding teacher and counsellor on the subject of relationships and marriage and he communicates so well both speaking and writing.
  • God has blessed him and NewSpring with an amazing ministry for relationships. The Biblical material on relationships and marriage that Jake and his team have put together is so thorough and creative yet understandable and applicable. It’s the best I’ve ever seen and I’ve said it before on here – I’ve seen a lot as a preachers kid.
  • I’ve gotten to know him just a tiny bit through volunteering. He’s one that you don’t get to know very well unless you have an opportunity to spend some time around him (I’m kinda like that too – don’t initiate conversations very often). So I’m hoping his blog reveals more and more about him to get to know him better.
  • The best reason of all to read his blog is to give him comments and a lot of uplifting…because he’s really short and I think it makes him self conscious.

Anyway, go check out Jake Beaty .com. I know you won’t be disappointed.

Filed Under: Faith, Misc, Relationships

What Started the Unlimited Sex Myth

July 25, 2007 by Leave a Comment

You’ve heard people make statements to single guys like “you think being married gives you the freedom to just have sex whenever you want but you’re wrong”, and then they at least imply that the reason is because sex just isn’t as important to women as it is to men or that there will be lots of times when the man wants to have sex but the wife doesn’t so they won’t etc etc. But I’ve never heard anyone say why guys ever started wrongly thinking that just by getting married they would be able to have unlimited sex. What started this confusion? I’ve come up with my own theory for how guys “unlimited sex” myth got started.

A long long time ago a lady (probably Eve or just a couple of generations later) was talking to her daughter about sex and told her “one day when you’re married you’ll be able to have sex as much as you want”. She continued to explain that the daughter should keep this secret of marriage to herself until her own daughter is born and old enough to understand.

After getting married the daughter found her mother was correct. She enjoyed sex with her husband as often as she wanted. However, she didn’t keep it a secret like her mother told her. She told her best friend who told her sister who told her friend who told their cousin who told their neighbor and so on and so on.

Eventually the secret was spread to all humankind and everyone was happy and anxious to become married so they could enjoy unlimited sex. The problem is men have never figured out that the secret started between a mother and daughter and only applies to women.

Just thought I should share this story. I think Jesus left it out of his parables in the Bible or something. That or the disciples were too frustrated to talk about it with him. Either way now we know it is NOT “married people can have sex as much as they want”. It is “married WOMEN can have sex as much as they want – which is a fraction as much as the man wants”.

Filed Under: Relationships
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