Practice What You Preach

October 11, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Have you ever felt like you failed to take your own advice?  That happens to me sometimes.  My daughter, Skyler, is very energetic and she loves dance and gymnastics.  At home she will often practice her cart-wheels, handstands, round-offs, round-house, upper-cut…  The problem with that is there isn’t a lot of room for that kind of activity inside our house because there is either stuff or people to potentially break or hurt with flying arms and feet.  So we’re constantly telling Skyler, “You probably shouldn’t do that in the house.  We don’t want you to get hurt.”

Because I’m such a great dad I have practiced cart wheels and hand stands a little bit too (and everyone’s favorite acrobatic move I do is the cheerleader-style toe-touch, it’s fabulous).  Of course where have I done this – in the house, exactly where we advise Skyler not to do the acrabatics.   I’m normally pretty careful about choosing a safe area where no one is around and nothing is in the way, until a few days ago…

I don’t remember why Iwas  in a goofy mood with about six excited children in the house that day, and I don’t know what I was thinking, but I decided to do a cart-wheel going in a different direction in the house than I had ever done it before.  I had told Skyler many times not to do this.  I had seen Skyler get hurt doing it.  I had even seen Joe Sangl get hurt doing it (yes – he got excited at our house one time too and did a cart-wheel that didn’t end well – Skyler has such an influence on us to test our acrobatic inability).  As I made the approach all of the red flags were flashing through my mind and in a split second I thought, “I shouldn’t be doing this” and “I got it, it’s ok”.  Then…

WHACK!!

The bottom of my foot, at the inside part of my heel crashed onto the corner of our coffee table.  Thank goodness I didn’t break anything, including my foot..  I rolled around on the floor in pain with my wife Shawna laughing at me the whole time, and then of course I got up quickly to act like everything was alright.  I had made the same mistake I normally advise Skyler not to make.  I wasn’t practicing what I had been preaching.

That can happen in lots of areas of our life if we’re not careful.  In marriage it is important to live by the same expectations we have of our spouse.  As parents it is important to set the example of what we expect our kids to follow. As leaders it is important to be living what we are teaching.

That is one of the most important things we teach financial coaches – to be living what we are teaching.  It can be so easy to slack off and not be disciplined to stick to the plan or the budget.  It can be so easy to put off reaching that next goal over and over again in order to do spontaneous and fun stuff whenever we want.  In order to effectively teach others we have to be living what we are teaching.

When is the last time you slipped up and failed to practice what you preach?  My heel still hurts  🙂

Filed Under: Family, Money, Personal Growth, Stories

My Thoughts on Catalyst Conference 2011

October 6, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Unfortunately and quite sadly I am not attending Catalyst this year.  Life has been crazy lately and I have family visiting from out of town, so it just made sense to skip the conference this time.  However, that does not mean I haven’t been thinking about what I’m going to miss.

Since this post doesn’t closely relate to my normal subjects I should offer an explanation of what Catalyst  Conference is and maybe a dictionary reference to the word catalyst for anyone who only thinks of the chemistry definition.  As people/leaders a catalyst is a high energy status quo challenging game changing person or event.  The conference is geared toward encouraging young leaders to be the next generation game changers.

The problem I see for true young catalysts though is not their willingness to question the status quo and try new things.  The problem they face is older or more senior level leaders ahead of them being unwilling to listen and give new ideas a shot.  I believe one of the reasons for this is young leaders aren’t proving themselves valuable enough to challenge the status quo.

Catalyst conference is geared toward church world, which I understand pretty thoroughly from being a pastors kid growing up in church and to this day very involved in my local church, but I tend to think of the principles taught as they would apply in business world as well. Based on my experience in corporate world I know first-hand what it is like to be considered the young punk full of crazy ideas nobody wants to try…until I’ve proven myself.

For any catalyst out there who wants their ideas to be heard here are a few suggestions for how to prove yourself that I’ve learned along the way.

  • Work harder than anyone else. Smarter? Yes, that too. But just because someone finds a way to be more productive personally doesn’t prove anything about their value to the team. Work smarter to be personally productive and use the spare time gained to go above and beyond.  It certianly helps, no matter how efficient someone is,  to show demonstrate a work ethic that starts earlier than anyone else and finishes later than anyone else.  Even when we think no one is watching, someone is noticing.
  • Become the best within the status quo.  Whatever the process is there is always a way to become the best at it.  Anytime I’ve become great at something just the way it is I’ve had no problem getting support to do it differently because everyone trusts that if I’m already good at it the way it is then I’m not going to make a permanent change that would make me not as good at it.
  • Get Results! Do work that affects the bottom line either through increased sales or decreased cost, and prove it by measuring (this is the has-been wanna-be engineer in me coming out).

No matter what there is always the chance that people will despise change.  The key to determining when to be a catalyst is balancing how valuable we are vs how replacable we are.

On another note, here’s what I’m going to miss most by missing Catalyst this year.

  • These speakers: (not because I don’t like some of the others, these are just the ones I know I like)
    • Jon Acuff
    • Dave Ramsey
    • Andy Stanley
    • Mark Driscoll
    • Michael Hyatt
  • The fun and funny stuff.  There is non stop fun and humor between every speaker, and during the speaking too every now and then.
  • The free stuff.  The event comes with lots of great resources and the sponsors are very generous, all making the experience a bit more excellent.
  • The learning and encouragement.  I’ve never left a Catalyst sorry that I went.  There is always something new or refreshing to take away and apply to my life.
I’m regretting I won’t be there now.  This might need to be one of those things that gets on my calendar for next year NOW and becomes off limits to any other scheduling.
Filed Under: Business, Personal Growth

The New Call of Duty Game

October 5, 2011 by Leave a Comment

This is too funny, so I have to share it…

John Crist is my newest favorite comedian because he does funny stuff about church, and that is hilarious to me because of my experience with lots of churches of many types throughout my life.

He recently hit on a subject that is so true in our current culture.  Married men are increasingly the primary demographic for video games.  Particularly, the game Call of Duty is very popular.  We can be manly men in that game, blowing stuff up and taking names, and still be home for dinner.  And I’ve heard some great reasons for games being a good form of entertainment:

  • It’s relatively cheap compared to other alternatives (such as paintball, and that isn’t very manly compared to blowing stuff up)
  • It’s something our sons enjoy and can do with us (and some daughters, the tom-boy ones probably)
  • It’s a good release, me time, man time.  I’ve read that men who get to watch a manly movie every now and then, or play a manly game, are more likely to be passionate husbands (that’s a good thing).

The problem, as is true with anything in life, is getting off-balance.  When the hobby becomes an obsession that consumes massive amounts of time and energy.  Let’s face it.  It isn’t cheap anymore if we’re forfeiting the opportunity to work a few more hours and increase our income.  It isn’t something good to do with our kids if it is the only thing we do together and they barely know us outside the game.  It isn’t a good release if we’re more consumed with playing another round every night than we are going to bed with our wife.

I love games too, and if I wanted to I could let it be the only thing my son and I do because he is very in to games.  But I just can’t do that, and honestly I’m not THAT in to games to even want to do that.  I recently heard a statistic about kids who game all the time are a lot more likely to have problems with a long list of stuff later in life.  That’s reason enough for me to limit how much gaming happens in my house.  Anyway…  Check out this video – John makes humor about the next Call of Duty game that might not be popular but we need to love it more than any of the others.

Filed Under: Family, Money, Personal Growth, Relationships

Financial Intimacy

September 26, 2011 by Leave a Comment

What is the first thing you think of when you hear the word intimacy? Is it romance (women), sex (men), or just love and googley-eyes? Our intimacy reflects the depth of our relationship, our level of togetherness in heart, mind, body, and soul. I’m learning more and more with time that what I should think of when it comes to intimacy is communication. We must be able to communicate well in our relationship in order to experience the kind of deep intimacy God designed marriage for.

Guess what obstacle often gets in the way of having good communication in marriage – MONEY. If we are holding back our emotions as they relate to money then we are preventing an opportunity to share intimacy through that communication. If we are unwilling to listen and care about each others emotions related to money then we are preventing the opportunity to grow intimacy through that communication. What if that one missing link in communication is the only thing preventing a much deeper level of overall relational intimacy?

I know money isn’t the most important thing in marriage, but it IS one of the most common root causes for divorce. Maybe that wouldn’t be the case if couples were being more intentional about having better financial communication. What if we thought of a budget like we do a bouqet of flowers or a scandalous lingerie? I’m betting that would improve financial intimacy.

Filed Under: Money, Relationships

All Three of My Bad Sides

September 20, 2011 by Leave a Comment

One time Shawna and I were coaching a couple who started discussing the difficulty they have with their kids.  Don’t we all??  In this case the father spoke up and very honestly said “sometimes I feel like dealing with my kids is like dealing with all 3 of my bad sides”.  I have 3 kids too and I can totally relate to that statement.

Shawna and I had dinner with some friends recently and, once again, the subject of kids came up.  (When you’re parents anytime there is nothing else to talk about kids is an easy subject.)  In this conversation Shawna so kindly pointed out a couple of the obvious less than desirable things our two older kids have gotten from me.

For Devin it is the use of words like “crap” or “idiot” or “dad-gum-it” or worse.  I should point out here that I’ve never called my kids idiot or anything like that – it’s usually in a stupid (another bad word) moment of frustration with other drivers or something.

Skyler seems to have gotten my incredibly gentle sense of empathy.  We heard her tell someone to “get used to it” when they were upset about something.  That sounds a lot like my attitude at times.

That’s just the beginning of all my bad sides that I’m having to work on.  Thank goodness I don’t really have a kid for every one of my bad sides.  What about you?  What are your bad sides that your children show?

Filed Under: Family

Weekend Reading – Marriage and Money Issues

September 16, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Here’s some weekend reading to check out.

Bad Economy? A good time for a steamy affair.  – It is really sad and disgusting the disregard our society has for faithfulness and marriage.

 Is Money Pulling Your Marriage Apart? – “A couple with $10,000 in debt and no savings is twice as likely to divorce as a couple with no debt and $10,000 in savings.”   I believe the statistic but can’t validate it first hand.  However, I can validate the fact that stress is a lot different with savings and no debt.

 10 Most Divorced States (slideshow) – Finances is cited as one of the biggest reasons for divorce in most of the states.  Some states making it too easy to get divorced is also noted.  Interestingly enough couples getting married too young is also noted as a predictor of marriage failure.  I’m proud to see South Carolina is not on the list but is mentioned as a state that makes it difficult for couples to divorce without taking a lot of time to reconsider.

How To Be A Better Parent In 4 Seconds – More important than money, this one is about one way to be a better parent.  Just read it.  Jon Acuff is one of my favorite bloggers because he is very witty while adding helpful insight.

Filed Under: Family, Money, Reading, Relationships

One Major Step Closer to Divorce

September 15, 2011 by 1 Comment

It’s easy to understand the odds of divorce are much greater when a couple has lying, cheating,  or physical/mental abuse in their relationship.  But many couples don’t understand how having separated finances increases the odds of divorce.  I don’t know why that is so hard to imagine so I’m going to try to explain.

First of all I believe that any couple who has separated finances also has some other major lack of unity between them that could be a result of many shortfalls in the relationship.  Maybe it is a serious lack of productive communication.  Maybe there is a serious disconnect between sharing each others hopes, dreams, priorities, and even fears in life.  The bottom line is if we’re not sharing all those things, the good and the bad, with our spouse then there is a unity problem.  With that said I believe as the unity problem begins to show the splitting of the finances is one major step closer to divorce.

Here are a couple of common reasons the decision is made to split up the finances:

  • One of you is terrible with money.  Your spouse can’t trust you because of your perpetual mistakes and/or disregard for the importance of growing up and taking adult responsibility for managing money with a brain cell or two.  To prevent being forever broke your spouse has chosen to put distance between you and their financial security.
  • One or both of you are way too independent of the other.  God created marriage for the two of us to become one.  We share a brain.  We do better when we work together.  We help each other and take care of each others needs.  I have news for Mr. or Mrs. Independent.  Deep inside every person wants to be needed or wanted.  If you’re not sharing that with your spouse then someone else eventually will and then it will be too late for you to wake up and realize independence ain’t all that.

Occasionally I run across newly married couples or engaged couples who have not taken the steps yet to combine their financial lives.  To anyone in those early stages hear the warning in this question.  WHY HAVEN’T YOU COMBINED YOUR FINANCES YET?  Now read on because this next part will also give you perspective.

For the couples who have been married a while and thought about combining the finances but for some reason chose not to, or worse you had the money combined at one time but now you have chosen to separate it again – I have a list of questions you need to ask yourself and wrestle through WITH your spouse.

  • Do you trust your spouse?
  • Can you be trusted by your spouse?
  • Are you being dishonest about how the money is being spent? (financial infidelity)
  • Are you cheating on your spouse? (yes – like having an affair or looking at porn!  Separating the finances AFTER having them combined is a HUGE warning sign that unfaithfulness exists in the relationship)

If you’re not open and transparent with each other about money, sharing the rewards and consequences as one interwoven unit, then I would have serious doubts that you’re open and honest with each other about other areas of your life.

Filed Under: Money, Relationships

What Now That You’re Debt Free?

September 13, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Now that Shawna and I are Debt Free we’ve been getting this question from people that we didn’t really see coming. Not that we don’t know the answer. We just didn’t anticipate so many people would care. The question usually goes like this, “What’s next now that you’re debt free.”

Great question! Short answer – save more, invest more, give more, and spend just a little bit more. The bottom line is not much is going to change for us other than the money that was going to debt is now going to the productive things we started doing from the very beginning of our financial turnaround. In December 2006 our financial mentality and behavior changed FOREVER, not just for long enough to get debt free.

Shawna and I are not one of those couples who cut everything fun and discretionary out of our lives and ate rice and beans the whole time we were getting debt free. People who do that get a lot of attention but in my opinion all that hype sets unrealistic expectations for the rest of us.

Filed Under: Money Tagged With:

Get Help Now!

September 8, 2011 by 1 Comment

One of many trends we notice about financial coaching is people are requesting appointments but then either not showing up, postponing over and over, or canceling completely. A year or so later they come back desperate for help but they’ve waited until it’s TOO LATE!

Shawna and I were talking about this dilemma and recalled that we were on our very last straw when we finally got help.  But the difference was we didn’t know how or where help was even available.  Our church, NewSpring, had not even started their personal finance ministry when we were hitting rock bottom.  Joe Sangl had just been hired there but we didn’t even know about him or what he was going to be doing.  It was God’s timing that NewSpring started a personal finance ministry and Joe showed up right after we hit rock bottom.

There are tons of people who are learning about personal finance ministry for the first time right before or after they are hitting rock bottom. THOSE ARE NOT THE PEOPLE I’M TALKING ABOUT! The people I’m talking about are people who have known that there are resources (books, classes, one on one coaching) available and they’re choosing not to take advantage of them or reach out for help in any way until it is way too late.

The Underlying Reasons For Not Getting Help:

There are lots of excuses for not getting help, but they mostly lead to one of the following underlying issues.

Pride

Whether broke or wealthy pride prevents people from getting a coaches advice because people are either unwilling to be transparent about the true situation or they’re too arrogant to take advice from anyone.  Either way it is unhealthy pride.

Heart

Some are putting off getting coaching because their heart just isn’t right about money yet.  They haven’t surrendered to the fact that God owns it all, we are just managers, and we have to honor God with how we use what he’s given us to manage.  They’re proving that their money follows their heart as the choose bad financial behavior over Godly discipline.

Trust

This is so rare most probably don’t know what I mean.  Believe it or not there are some who have legitimate concerns about trusting volunteer coaches.  BUT, before anyone runs to this conclusion they should seriously wrestle with these questions.

  • What evidence is there that the coaches can’t be trusted?
  • Have the concerns been discussed with the church leadership?
  • Has financial advice been sought elsewhere?

If there is no good answer to those three questions I would have to argue that pride or heart is the real issue.

If you or anyone you know have been putting off getting needed help please don’t put it off any longer.  There’s not much a coach can do to help when the mountain of debt is out of control and the house is already in foreclosure.  Don’t wait until it’s too late.  Get help now!

Filed Under: Faith, Money Tagged With:

Intentional Relationship

September 6, 2011 by Leave a Comment

When we’re dating we will pursue our significant other like they are the most important person in the world.  It’s really ridiculous what all we’ll do.  We’ll stay up all night talking, spend money we don’t have, neglect lifelong friends and family…ANYTHING to be together.

But once we’re married that focused attention tends to fade over time.  Real life together begins to happen and it isn’t always fun.  We take advantage of our spouses commitment to us by putting the relationship on autopilot.  All the things we did while we were dating become minimal efforts.

I don’t think any of us do this intentionally.  But that’s the problem – we’re not being intentional.  It is a trap.  It’s complacency and it’s dangerous.  Don’t let it happen to your relationship because if you do you’re likely to end up saying or hearing  “we’ve grown apart”, or “we no longer love each other”, or “I didn’t mean for this to happen”.

It’s worth the time, effort, and expense to be intentional with your relationship.  Have a conversation with your spouse and get on the same page.  Do it now!

Filed Under: Relationships
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