My Thoughts In Blog Form - Mark Asbell

Get Rid of Financial Allergies

August 31, 2011 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

Being “allergic” to something means there is a negative reaction when that thing is present. Chances are you or someone you know is severely allergic to something so you probably know the importance of avoiding a severe allergic reaction.

When I was a kid my dad and I went out every fall for several years to cut firewood for the winter, and every time we returned with poison ivy all over us. The allergic reaction was horrible. Every part of my body that either touched the ivy or was touched by my hands that had touched the ivy was broken out. There were even times my eyes were swollen almost completely shut. I would have to practically bathe in calamine lotion to soothe the itch. I despised poison ivy.

One year my parents decided enough was enough with the poison ivy. They heard about a treatment plan that would eliminate our allergic reaction to it. It did require a weekly series of painful shots, but it was so worth it. I have never had an allergic reaction to poison ivy since then.

I recently heard someone say they’re allergic to car payments. That is actually a very loaded statement. I’m sure he doesn’t get a swollen throat and choke to death like someone highly allergic to shellfish, but what if being “allergic” to car payments was really that severe?

There are a lot of people who hate their car payment and complain about it all the time because it is hindering their ability to reach their financial goals. They get mad every time the payment is sent and some even grow to despise the car itself. Sounds like an allergic reaction to me. But the crazy thing is they go back for another one, usually before they’ve gotten rid of the one they already have.

What if I told you there is a treatment plan that would eliminate that allergic reaction? What if I told you it would require a little pain and suffering but once the treatment plan is complete you will never have another allergic reaction to car payments?

Here’s the plan – do whatever you have to do to get rid of that car payment. Say no, not right now, and maybe later to some things so that you can get rid of that car payment faster. It’s gonna be a little painful – sorta like taking a series of shots. But I can promise you it is worth the pain. One thing my wife and I did right financially early in our marriage was get rid of the car payments, and we never went back to one again. I highly recommend it.

Here’s a list of other things I’m allergic to…

credit card payments
student loan payments
basically any bills for that matter
bank fees
late charges
debt collectors
not having savings
mayonnaise
sour cream

Ok – those last two aren’t related to finances but they’re equally important to me. What are some things you’re allergic to? Go get rid of those allergies ASAP!

Filed Under: Money

Marriage Quote – Two Being One

August 29, 2011 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

Here is a really good excerpt from a post written by Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Rhett Smith that is worth taking a minute to read.

“Too many spouses are sitting around waiting and expecting for their spouse to meet and fulfill every need. Sure, our partner has a role to play and there is a mutual interdependency that occurs. But ultimately, as Christians our marriage and our sense of self is dependent upon God, and not on others. We must learn to take responsibility for our own selves in marriage and not wait for our partner to meet every need. A truly healthy marriage is two people in a relationship taking responsibility for themselves in order that they are better able to be in a position to respond to their spouses.

So ultimately, we live a great love story when our life is anchored and dependent in Christ, not solely dependent on others for our wants and needs. And when we are in the position of dependency upon Christ, then we are truly freed to respond out of a place of love and trust in a relationship of mutuality and reciprocity with our spouses. (Ephesians 5:21).”

Wow – that is good stuff.

Filed Under: Faith, Relationships

Financial Influence

August 24, 2011 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

Many people claim that they “don’t care what other people think” about them, and that might be somewhat true. But I learned a long time ago that to a large degree we are all a product of what we read, what we listen to, and who we associate with. That just makes sense to me because those three general things determine what we’re learning and what we’re being influenced by.

My buddy Joe recently wrote about being influenced by financial success in this blog post. (I’ve also learned this association principle is true regarding my marriage and parenting, and more importantly my walk with God.) In Joe’s post he asks if we would be embarrassed for a financially successful person to know about how we spend money.

Embarrassing Financial Behavior

To realize poor financial behavior is embarrassing requires actually knowing what poor financial behavior is. It requires actually paying attention to how you manage money and talking about it with others. It isn’t always comfortable, especially when you beat yourself up for mistakes. But no matter how uncomfortable it is we have to talk about it in order to learn and grow.

Be careful not to confuse every single financial mistake as embarrassing behavior. We all make mistakes at some point. What is embarrassing is to never learn from those mistakes or seek advice from people who can help us. What is embarrassing is remaining in a perpetual state of financial ignorance or lack of discipline.

Bad Financial Influence

One of the biggest mistakes we can make in any area of life is being influenced by people we should NEVER take advice from. Why would I take financial or marriage advice from someone who is constantly going backwards in their finances and marriage? That sort of thing happens so easily if we’re not using careful discernment. It is ok to take advice from someone who has made mistakes, learned from it, and bounced back. It’s probably not so good to take advice from someone who is perpetually failing.

When it comes to being influenced financially there are three it is important to be aware of.

People With Something To Gain

Taking financial and marriage advice from someone who stood to gain from my finances and my time away from home was a terrible mistake. Some of their advice was sound but some of it was motivated by their own potential gain. It is very important to seek advice from people who care about you but are not personally motivated in any way by your money decisions or how you use your time.

Financial “Success” Fakers

Believe it or not there are people out there who are faking financial stability when in all reality they are just one paycheck or financial setback away from disaster. Just because someone has a big fancy house and shiny new car doesn’t mean they have it all together. What’s even worse is someone who lies about how well they’re doing instead of being transparent about their true situation and seeking some advice too. Look for people who admit they’ve learned from either their own mistakes or those of someone who taught them.

Financially Un-Biblical

The worst people to avoid for financial influence are those who are not getting their financial principles from the Bible. The last person I want to influence my thinking on finances is someone who lies, cheats, steals, or otherwise acts in a way about money that is not in line with what the Bible teaches about money. That includes anyone who is not giving, and I think it’s ok to ask.

Good Financial Influence

The post Joe wrote about being embarrassed really relates well to me. When I was broke I remember the last people I wanted to admit it to were the people I should have admitted it to the most. I knew which people in my life were having the most success financially but I let my pride prevent me from reaching out for their help. It wasn’t until our finances were a mess that I became more willing to open up and look for the right people to talk to.

A person of good financial influence is unbiased to your situation and they’re living out Biblical financial principles in their own life. One other tip I have learned is it is not always obvious who the most financially successful people are. Many are the nicest down to earth people living a modest lifestyle well below their means and you would never guess that they are wealthy just by seeing them. They’re my favorite type of examples to follow. You have to talk to them, get to know them, ask them questions, and listen carefully as the wisdom begins to show.

So what are you reading and listening to, and who are you allowing to influence you?

Filed Under: Money

I Didn’t Tell You Because…

August 17, 2011 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

“I didn’t tell you because I KNEW you would say no.” That sounds like something one of our children would say to us – right? But it is also something that happens between married couples too.

The saver is too strict about the finances – never allowing any fun. The spender has become frustrated with open communication because it always seems to result in them never getting what they want. Both spouses promised to work together, but it isn’t turning out how they imagined.

Next thing they know the frustrated spender is out buying stuff they should have discussed with the saver, and when it is found out the argument begins. The saver is mad because the savings was just spent. The spender is mad because they feel fun-deprived.

Poor spender. I’m playing a tiny violin between my fingers (I’m a saver). What if the scenario went another way.

The spender is too rebellious – always carelessly spending. The saver has become frustrated with open communication because…

Next thing they know the frustrated saver is hiding funds so the saver can’t find them, and when it is found out the argument begins. The spender is mad because the saver is holding out on them. The saver is mad because they feel security-deprived.

Poor saver. I’m sure the spenders reading this are playing a tiny violin between their fingers.

The point is we have to find a way to communicate how we feel, work together, and carefully strike a balance between fun and security. It requires being considerate of each others feelings and preferences with love and sacrificial generosity.

Filed Under: Money, Relationships

Expense Of Raising A Child

August 10, 2011 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

A question Shawna and I have gotten while doing financial coaching is “how much should be factored into the budget to add the first child to the family?” That is a great question to ask. I’m glad some people are planning for that before the time comes because Shawna and I did not and before we knew it, SURPRISE! – Our first two babies showed up 13 months apart. Now we have an almost 9 yr old, almost 8 yr old, and a 3 yr old. So I can answer this question from our own experience so far and I’ll keep it about newborns in general since there is a whole lot more to cover as the kids get older.

Groceries

The first thing that came to my mind when we found out we were having our first baby is “we’re gonna have to feed him.” The problem is I had no idea how much this was going to add to the grocery category (the grocery category in our budget includes all the consumables we’d buy at Wal-Mart). Babies might not eat much but they poop a lot, and hopefully they’re doing that in diapers. Unfortunately the diapers cost money, along with the wipes, ointments, & baby wash to clean and care for their dirty butts.

There are also countless other “grocery” items everyone is already using that increases in use for every addition to the family. Just to name a few, it is items such as trash bags (for disposing of diapers), household cleaners (for cleaning up baby messes), laundry detergent (holy cow the laundry they mess up), and enough over the counter drugs to start a mini-pharmacy out of your house.

The point is they might be small but they cost as much to the grocery category as a grown up. I tell couples to take the amount “they’re already spending on groceries, divide it by the two of them, and multiply that number by three for the total cost of groceries after the first baby is born. The average household spends $125 per person per month so that would be $375 per month for a couple starting out with their first baby.

Healthcare

Oh the days when I worked for a big company that had great insurance benefits… Now we’re completely responsible for our own health insurance and it is EXPENSIVE. To be on the safe side I tell young couples to factor an additional $100 per month just in health insurance.

Then there’s the doctors visits… We are fairly healthy people who don’t have to go to the doctor much, but newborns go all the time. Then there is the chance your child might be born with a condition requiring ongoing medical treatment. But we’re hoping for the best. So for planning purposes I tell people to add another $100 per month to their budget for medical care.

Baby’s Future

If you’re planning well for a baby you should go ahead and plan it right – include savings for the baby’s future in the plan. One day they will want a car, and those aren’t cheap. Hopefully one day they will go to college, and that isn’t cheap. And if you have girls they get married and typically the brides parents pay, and that is definitely not cheap. I have two girls. Jesus Take The Whee-eeel.

My friend Joe says it this way, “When you find out you’re pregnant that is at least an 18 year notice that college expense is coming” (or wedding, car, house – whatever they set out to do that you want to help them with). The amount to save for all of that is up to preference and the hopes and dreams you have for being able to provide a great future for your kids.

We’re already up to $325 added to the budget from the $125 groceries, $100 insurance, and $100 medical care. So if we add $175 to the savings that makes it $500 per month that should be added to the budget. I would call that a good starting point. As the child gets older and involved in activities and eating more and tearing stuff up etc etc etc the real costs have the potential to be a lot more.

Shawna and I are done having kids, but if we were planning to have one right now I would want to have room for $1000 per month in my budget to go toward the new baby. That is just me though because I personally like to be over-prepared for something that I’m planning for, and there are always things overlooked when a major change like having a baby is about to happen.

Notice I haven’t even mentioned clothes and toys, etc. For most people a lot of that stuff is gifted to them by friends and relatives when the baby is young. What other things would you add to the advice for people who are planning for their first baby?

Filed Under: Family, Money

People Argue About Money

August 8, 2011 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

PEOPLE ARGUE ABOUT MONEY. That’s just all there is to it. Government officials argue about money. Business owners argue about money. Co-workers argue about money. Even church people argue about money (bless their hearts). Why is it any surprise to married people that there will be arguments about money in the marriage?

Some people say they just don’t argue about money. That statement only makes me wonder if you’re just not talking about it. In fact, I would not only question whether you’re even talking about it, I would also question if the reason you’re not talking about it is just so that the argument can be avoided.

Married couples can’t act like the government, business, and church when it comes to dealing with money issues. The married couple has to go home together. They have to find a way to work their finances out, together.

Filed Under: Money, Relationships

Sick And Tired Of The Debt Debate

August 5, 2011 by Mark Asbell Leave a Comment

Am I the only one who is sick and tired of the debt debate? I mean how hard is it to understand INCOME minus OUTGO has to equal EXACTLY ZERO and the outgo needs to include generous programs, long term foresight, and paying down the debt… Is it that difficult?

You might think I’m talking about the US National Debt Debate that has been plastered all over the media off and on really for many years. It’s always a heated debate. But that isn’t the only debate I’m talking about. I’m talking about the debt debate that happens in most everyone’s household at some point. Should we finance this or that? Can we afford it? How can we do x, y, & z and still keep our budget balanced? Are we going to have the discipline to stick to this budget? Oh no, we’ve gotten in too deep, now what do we do? I’m sick and tired of families struggling with these questions. It doesn’t have to be this way.

The fights happening in American households about money are just like Democrats and Republicans fighting about who’s fault it is and why one plan is better than the other for dealing with it. Round and round it goes and nothing gets done about it until it’s too late. It doesn’t have to be this way.

Call me crazy but I believe at some point the US debt ceiling is going to be as high as our country can withstand. My family has experienced a maxed out debt ceiling first hand – when we hit it we almost lost everything. Why don’t our representatives understand that concept? I know it’s more complicated on the grander scale but the principles are the same. Why isn’t our government applying simple financial principles and why aren’t more American families understanding these principles and applying them personally? IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY!

Why isn’t government listening to the people’s concern for our country’s financial future? Why aren’t people reaching out for help with their personal finances? That question keeps me awake at night because I know so many people need help but don’t know how to get it or they aren’t willing to ask for it. My church offers FREE personal finance coaching and the I Was Broke. Now I’m Not. team has helped churches all over the country start coaching programs just like the one at my church. Contact me if you’re interested in connecting with a coach and I’ll do everything I can to help you do that. Maybe, JUST MAYBE, if we all start getting it right at home our government will find a way to get it right nationally. Until that happens I will remain sick and tired of the debt debate.

Filed Under: Faith, Family, Money, Personal Growth, Relationships

Part 4: My Parent’s 40th Anniversary

August 4, 2011 by Mark Asbell 1 Comment

For my parents 40th wedding anniversary I did a little interview and I’m sharing their wisdom. If you missed the first three parts you can read them here:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

How did having kids affect things?

We wanted kids. We were so glad to have kids. It did change everything though. The biggest change was being involved in all the activities you kids participated in. But it also strengthened our marriage because there was a greater love than just the two of us. We HAD to work together just to keep up.

Would you do it all over again?

We would do it all over again but just do some things differently. There would be more emphasis on family and our marriage instead of so much emphasis on the church. Wish we had made better long range plans. Wish we had used vacation for fun instead of visiting family. We’ve been blessed and we’re thankful. In order to make it to 50 yrs we’re gonna take better care of our health and take it one day at a time. But we don’t live with any regrets and would do it all again.

Sometimes I wonder if the difficulty of having kids is just us or our generation. So it’s a little reassuring to know that even for our parents having kids was a challenge. I like John Maxwell’s quote that having grandchildren is the reward for not killing your children. My parents probably agree with that completely. Having kids is definitely a blessing we are very thankful for and I pray all the time that I become a better dad.

My parents gave Shawna and me a huge compliment about doing a good job balancing family, work, and church involvement. That is something we struggle with from time to time in order to keep on track. We’re making plans for our next family vacation and it gives us something to look forward to through the day to day hustle.

Shawna and I have only been married almost 11 years and we agree with my parents comment after their 40 years about doing it all again but doing some things differently. We’ve all made mistakes we would take back but I when I’m older I want to be able to say I don’t have any regrets. I believe that comes from having peace that God is guiding our lives along a path and everything is happening for a reason.

Filed Under: Faith, Family, Money, Personal Growth, Relationships, Stories

Top Posts of August 2011